Girlfriend says I hurt her pride?

[BigGann]

It sucks what you're going through, but I do understand it. I came from nothing, my parents always worked their asses off, I have had a full time job since I was 12, and we still barely scraped by. It sucks, honestly it does. I am the same way, I don't take money from people, I pay my own way, and I work my ass off on a daily basis to do so. What I don't understand is saying she can't get a job, I walked 4 miles every day to work when I had to, and I saved up enough eventually to buy a truck, and Now after 16 years of sticking with it, I do ok. I have a new truck, a house, and some minor luxeries that help me through. So don't look down on her for not accepting help, I understand the pride issue, and eventually it will cam down and things will be good.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Maybe try and just loan her money? Try and emphasize that she can pay you back.

[lombrie]

~~~Did Do Know...~~~~

The OP is probably not even following this thread anymore.
He probably already got his answer by now.
He even asked a mod to close the thread a few pages back.

Mod just lock this thread please. Thanks

Nurp.

[ThatInternet]

Yeah, I wouldn't marry her,

i mean sure she's not in it for the money, but you could also analyze it deeper and get really paranoid. Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable taking the money from you because she'll feel like a prostitute.

I had a girlfriend who was well off and didn't want me to buy her any gifts whatsoever for that very reason. It was offensive to me that she thought I was trying to buy her, in my culture giving gifts isn't about money, it's about affection. Something that says "i was thinking about you,"

I can understand that though.

Idk about you op, but if my significant other offered to pay for things and I wasn't 100% sure i was devoted to her, I would make any excuse not to accept things from you. For two reasons, 1, I wanted to continue the relationship and still be unsure, but not feel guilty if i decided to leave, and 2, to not look like I was using you for your money.

it may not be that way now, but after the relationship, things will get skewed that way.

"I bought her a car man, and she just up and left me"

[kaamila]

imo you need to force the money on her. my mom is the same way. ive been working since 14 and at the time we were in the lower class. i would always try and give her my checks to pay bills and she always refused. shes that proud that she will never ask anyone for money or help. i had to walk down to the companies and pay them myself. she may be hurt, she may yell at you but in the end she will still love you and will see what you did wasnt as an act of pity, it was helping a loved one because in my eyes, my money is her money and i owe her more than some paid bills.

[Purlina]

People need to stop harping on the food stamps.

It's only $150 a month for 8 people FFS!

That's $18.75 a month per person, I don't know how you survive on that....

[Tapaj]

I'll start off by saying, my girlfriend and her family are in major financial trouble. She's never had a vehicle of her own, thus can't get a job. Her family doesn't really work either, which I have no idea why. Living off 150$ food stamps for 8 people, and not having any money at all. Me on the other hand have no financial issues and live I guess you could say the upper middle class. She's my girlfriend of 3 years and I love her so much and would do anything for her. She has a problem and doesn't have help nor money and won't take any help from my family or I, all because she takes it offensively saying she "has morals, and pride and can't take money" she also says, every time I offer to help her, I'm hurting her by saying I can help and I have money. Saying I'm rubbing it in her face that I'm not poor like she is and that I'm hurting her PRIDE? She said she would rather feel awful than taking help and money from me..

Its really pissing me off, only because she yells at me saying I'm always hurting her pride and "making fun of her for being poor" all because I offer help for her? It really doesn't make sense.

I read this over an over, and all I want to do is punch you in the face for the amount of tactless bravado you display.

You start off by knocking her inability as you put it to obtain work, and follow it by her families. Clearly this bothers you, and you feel superior, for you close this point with your own financial situation.

You further go about your relationship of 3 years and try to convince us ( people who really don't matter ) that you really love her and how you would do anything for her... well you didn't help her coming to the boards all that much, and its quite sad you would air her families laundry in such a tactless way.

You lead the readers on, saying she has a problem and doesn't have help, making her seem the damsel in distress and you the shining knight.

IF you can't see how you affect a person with your actions and words used, then by all means you need to check yourself.

There is so much more about this than you have typed out, and just from what you have typed out, she is in the right.

Take this with a grain of salt... You're a tool.

Really loving someone doesn't come with conditions. Either you do or you don't.

If you are unable to name 5 true things about her; things that makes you burn inside, the type of fire that kindles a lasting love, then all you love is her snatch, and you are a weaker 'lil man than you tend to let off.

[Toffie]

Thats a response from a strong women. Sounds like you two are meant together, goodluck

[IRunSoFarAway]

well if she dont like it then why is she still on it?

[Lysah]

Pride is better than eating?

Pride is better than not living in a box?

Yes, it is. A life of shame is not worth living.

[Raunchy]

Work from online, how does noone have a job? I know I'll take flack for this but if your sitting and complaining abour not having a job, that's time wasted in finding one.

[aztr0]

I don't see the correlation between not having a vehicle, therefore can't get a job. No public transportation? Its actually a good thing she doesn't feel comfortable taking your money. Do you really want a gold digger?

[Faenskap]

sounds like the pride thing is a cop out, i havent owned a car in over a year and still have had 3 different jobs none of which required a car. if she WAS truely in it for her pride she would stop acting like a child and go job hunting. shes probably got some high in the sky dreams that she only wants to work at somewhere thats fun good hours and has good pay tell her to go down to the local super market or bakery, fastfood joint, restaraunt or any other things along those lines and hand in a resume so she can earn some actual money.

As mentioned earlier, it depends on where you live. I don't have a car. I can't afford a car nor a license thus I have to take the bus. I don't mind, I love buses. But out in rural areas, a bus pass is expensive. For a 30 days pass, I had to pay about 90£/140$. The bus goes once every hour, and the latest bus leaves from the most populated place here 19.23, and then it's still a 30 min ride and a 20 min stroll before I'm home. Again, with the jobs, it depends. I've been to so many places and asking for a job, but in a rural area, it's almost impossible to find one, unless you're open for everything. And I mean everything. I'd rather go hungry than work with children, for instance. And I can't work in a sports shop, as I'm not interested in outdoor activities beyond getting the mail and going to the local shop (which doesn't hire-_-)

So you see, where you live is an important factor.

OP: try giving her small gifts or something. A trip to the cinema, eating out, concert, something like that? Maybe your family knows about places that hire people, or perhaps they have contacts. A key factor to getting a job is contacts, I've found out. If it doesn't collide with your studies and you own a car, promise to drive her to her job, should she find one, or buy her a bus pass.

[Verbatim]

Offer her help, and if she refuses, then let it go. It's really that simple.

However, I do find it more than reasonable to bring that back up, if she's thge sort of girl to THEN go and lament her financial situation to you. You've offered her a temporary solution, she said no, and that's fair.. but if she then brings her problems back up with you, she's being a tad too complicated - seemingly at her own behest.

[Deleted]

I'm like her. I want to make it on my own. I dont want anyone to like help me in my finances, money need to be earned. I just dont want the money cos we are "family" or you want to help.
It would feel like im feeding off you, relying on you and feel empowered, who dont got what it takes to make things straight.

You offered your help, but if u are continuely going "take some of my money blaa blaa" it gets irritating

[Senya]

It sucks what you're going through, but I do understand it. I came from nothing, my parents always worked their asses off, I have had a full time job since I was 12, and we still barely scraped by. It sucks, honestly it does. I am the same way, I don't take money from people, I pay my own way, and I work my ass off on a daily basis to do so. What I don't understand is saying she can't get a job, I walked 4 miles every day to work when I had to, and I saved up enough eventually to buy a truck, and Now after 16 years of sticking with it, I do ok. I have a new truck, a house, and some minor luxeries that help me through. So don't look down on her for not accepting help, I understand the pride issue, and eventually it will cam down and things will be good.

I love you for exhibiting what's possible when you really, truly want something -- and work your butt off for it.

I'm just sorry you had to suffer so much to be such a shining example to all us lazy butts. I hope people take heed, anyway.

I don't agree with her for not accepting help. But I don't look down on her. I do, however, worry that she accepts state aid, refuses his help, and doesn't work. But eh. Devil's in the details-- the ones we don't know..

[Hanto]

She sounds like a keeper (seriously) if is determined not to use your money to help her get by. I know with my ex, I spoiled her rotten and eventually it lead to her asking for stuff left and right. Although I still love her, that's the only thing I wish I could change about her. Be happy she's the way she is. I'm sure if she truely needs your assistance, she'll accept it/ask for it.

[Maharishi]

This thread stopped being productive a while ago. Closing.