I'm unsure whether or not I'm posting this to vent a bit, or I am genuinely looking for an advice... but here it goes.
Recently I broke with my girlfriend, whom I've known for 2 years now. We've been together for 4 months, though. It's a girl I've met on WoW and frankly... one of the most beautiful beings I've ever seen. A fragile being, but one with attitude.
During those 2 years and the four months we've been together I've gotten to love her... and I'm talking proper love here, not ''id do her'' type of love. Type of love that I was ready to monthly travel several times the 3000 kilometres dividing us. You would say that I was ready to move mountains in her name... literally.
For her, though, I'm not sure what it was, and I will never know for certain.
There were issues, there are always issues. Sometimes I'd throw one or half an issue out there, just to let her know something might need to be looked at... doing it subtle, trying to be subtle and apply no pressure. Most of the times, she would get annoyed at that and eventually overreact somewhat.
Now, the reason for the breakup was that a lot of lies happened. She was lying about some things, things that I've gotten to know about, but not going to name. I knew she was like that, but was somewhat ready to look past that. Everytime I would doubt about something, she would rage at me and call me paranoid..., so I started believing that after a while, and was looking at myself for the mistakes - oh why am so paranoid damn it, and why am I causing so much drama? At the end, something surfaced that shouldn't have surfaced, and it appeared I was right about a lot of the things I had doubted before.
And that's how the break-up happened. One would argue that I'm probably providing a pretty one-sided story, and that might indeed be the case, but it is how I see it. I see my mistakes in all of that, I won't lie about it, I see a lot of mistakes on both sides.
As you know, the line between love and hate is really thin... so that's what happened. That's what happened to me. When we broke up... I snapped.
That strong love I felt towards her, suddenly switched to hate. I said things, things that I regret... things that I was keeping away and looking over at.
Every issue we ever had, issue that I would otherwise ignore or mention really subtly - went out... in an angry manner. Basically I spilled everything at her.
Now? I regret that. I told her some truths I should've saved her, because my love turned to hate... now that hate, turned to regret. (If you ever get into such situation, just keep it in, you will regret it otherwise. At the time I knew I would regret it, but ignored it.)
So, after all of this... I feel empty. I'm unsure, well, possibly pretty certain - me and her won't be able to even stay friends after all of that.
I'm unsure what to do, the heartache is just too much to handle. She was a person I was thinking about a lot. I would spend a lot of time talking with her, and just being around. Now, all of that is gone... and there is emptiness left in its place.
Saying sorry? It's not that simple. I blame her for a lot, and so does she. So saying sorry... it's not that simple, and it wont solve anything.
Trying to talk with her... usually gets either of us, or both annoyed and it feels even worse.
Nowadays I find myself feeling totally normal, but then suddenly I see or hear something that would totally tip me off, because it reminds me of her and how it was, so I get pretty upset, and need to ... hide somewhere in order to calm myself down.
Now that the ranting is over, please, let me know - how to un-break my heart and move on? I simply can't find a way.
Alcohol helps... but just for the day.
Also thank you if you've read this through.