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  1. #1

    How to... un-break my heart?

    I'm unsure whether or not I'm posting this to vent a bit, or I am genuinely looking for an advice... but here it goes.

    Recently I broke with my girlfriend, whom I've known for 2 years now. We've been together for 4 months, though. It's a girl I've met on WoW and frankly... one of the most beautiful beings I've ever seen. A fragile being, but one with attitude.
    During those 2 years and the four months we've been together I've gotten to love her... and I'm talking proper love here, not ''id do her'' type of love. Type of love that I was ready to monthly travel several times the 3000 kilometres dividing us. You would say that I was ready to move mountains in her name... literally.
    For her, though, I'm not sure what it was, and I will never know for certain.

    There were issues, there are always issues. Sometimes I'd throw one or half an issue out there, just to let her know something might need to be looked at... doing it subtle, trying to be subtle and apply no pressure. Most of the times, she would get annoyed at that and eventually overreact somewhat.

    Now, the reason for the breakup was that a lot of lies happened. She was lying about some things, things that I've gotten to know about, but not going to name. I knew she was like that, but was somewhat ready to look past that. Everytime I would doubt about something, she would rage at me and call me paranoid..., so I started believing that after a while, and was looking at myself for the mistakes - oh why am so paranoid damn it, and why am I causing so much drama? At the end, something surfaced that shouldn't have surfaced, and it appeared I was right about a lot of the things I had doubted before.

    And that's how the break-up happened. One would argue that I'm probably providing a pretty one-sided story, and that might indeed be the case, but it is how I see it. I see my mistakes in all of that, I won't lie about it, I see a lot of mistakes on both sides.

    As you know, the line between love and hate is really thin... so that's what happened. That's what happened to me. When we broke up... I snapped.
    That strong love I felt towards her, suddenly switched to hate. I said things, things that I regret... things that I was keeping away and looking over at.
    Every issue we ever had, issue that I would otherwise ignore or mention really subtly - went out... in an angry manner. Basically I spilled everything at her.

    Now? I regret that. I told her some truths I should've saved her, because my love turned to hate... now that hate, turned to regret. (If you ever get into such situation, just keep it in, you will regret it otherwise. At the time I knew I would regret it, but ignored it.)



    So, after all of this... I feel empty. I'm unsure, well, possibly pretty certain - me and her won't be able to even stay friends after all of that.
    I'm unsure what to do, the heartache is just too much to handle. She was a person I was thinking about a lot. I would spend a lot of time talking with her, and just being around. Now, all of that is gone... and there is emptiness left in its place.

    Saying sorry? It's not that simple. I blame her for a lot, and so does she. So saying sorry... it's not that simple, and it wont solve anything.
    Trying to talk with her... usually gets either of us, or both annoyed and it feels even worse.
    Nowadays I find myself feeling totally normal, but then suddenly I see or hear something that would totally tip me off, because it reminds me of her and how it was, so I get pretty upset, and need to ... hide somewhere in order to calm myself down.


    Now that the ranting is over, please, let me know - how to un-break my heart and move on? I simply can't find a way.

    p.s.
    Alcohol helps... but just for the day.
    Also thank you if you've read this through.

  2. #2
    Fluffy Kitten Badpaladin's Avatar
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    Go hiking. You'll get the physical business of climbing a mountain done, plus you could add some metaphorical stuff to it if you'd like.
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  3. #3
    The Insane Bakis's Avatar
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    Keep yourself busy, always worked, always will work.
    Non-busy - sitting at home going over things in your mind. What could you have done different, what could she blabla and that is a pain.
    The best thing about Kremlin posters is that as soon as you voice something they have to mention the US.
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  4. #4
    Over 9000! Hyve's Avatar
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    Moving on from love is never easy, and sleeping around, drinking & smoking isn't going to be the answer, is anyone does post those as suggestions.

    My honest advice is to just realise that it'll take a lot of time. Try to take your mind off of it, and don't force yourself to think about it and become depressed. Time does heal all wounds, but it varies from person to person how much time it'll take.

    I do hope you get through this, and I wish you the best of luck!

  5. #5
    Mechagnome TobyKenobi's Avatar
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    Honestly, it's terrible to be involved with someone that you can't fully trust. And you'll have to realize that as hard as it was to lose her, you'll be happier once you find someone that you can trust. In the mean time I'll second what Badpaladin said, exercise is a great way to make you feel better. It can distract you from dwelling on things, and the endorphins released will just make you feel better overall.
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  6. #6
    High Overlord Synyzta's Avatar
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    Been where you are mate, and though things might look shitty now, just remember that one day, you'll meet the one person who can make you forget everything enough to take that risk again, it might not be today, this month, next 2 years etc, but someday, you WILL meet someone again. As for what happened, you can either sit around dwelling on things that really, don't matter anymore, or you can try and pick yourself up, and get on with life. There are still people out there that depend on you. Don't expect an easy fix, and you'll be fine

  7. #7
    Alcohol doesn't help you ¤#%&. Alcohol is meant to drink to have fun, enjoy the night, get drunk and laugh with friends - not to hide issues, not to forget problems.
    Drinking alcohol in a negative state of mind is alcohol abusage and I don't tolerate that! Alcohol is your best friend - dont abuse it!

    On the girl issue... Shit's gonna suck for a while, time will heal this problem... Hooking up with some chicks for rebound sex helps getting your self confidence back up if you're feeling down. But really, just let time heal that shit and you'll find another...

  8. #8
    Well.. this might sound kinda ehh. but i often find or see that getting over another person that you very much adore is finding a new special someone. sure it may sound like lust but i honestly believe that it is not. On top of that, if she did you wrong she will realize the loss as they say you dont know what you really have till you actually lost it. That might be your case but according to all the statements u have stated, it seems that you cant stand her at this point so there is no need to mope around any longer and move on. Alcohol works for you then it works for you but to me Alcohol is just another easy get away. If u can manage to endure this sober, i believe you will have a stronger mentality. good luck tho

  9. #9
    I'm guessing you arent old enough to have moved those 3,000k's to be with her other wise you would have. If thats the case, youd be what, 16, 17 at the most in which case you will get over it. It sounds like it was your first love, which if youve never really loved before can seem impossible to get over, trust me, its fairly easy. Go outside meet new people, and like bad said climb a mountain ( or just exercise a bit) it will make you feel heaps better about yourself. Now if its the other way around and you are old enough to move to be with this girl, but you just couldnt be bothered, than I doubt you love her as much as you claim. If shes not your first love, then you know that you will get over her and get on with your life. How can I be so sure you ask? Well I was in the same situation 5 years ago, except I moved, I went from the east coast area in the US to the east coast of Australia to be with her. We are married now, and have been for 3 1/2 years.

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  10. #10
    In all honestly the only thing that heals a broken heart is time, no matter how cliche that is. Things seem hard now and you feel like you will never get over it but the truth is you will. Yes it might take some time but one day you will stop thinking about her, either because you have found someone else to think about or you have managed to put this behind you and think about it in a different light.

    Good luck anyway and try and keep yourself busy.

  11. #11
    Hello,

    I understand your pain, i'm sure a lot of people do, everyone goes through heartbreak. I was engaged to my high school sweetheart, together for 6 years, broke up with her dec 28th of 2009, because i found she cheated on me with a guy she worked with, numerous times. It was extremely hard to get over, took me nearly a year to be myself, but I learned a lot about myself since then, and have done a lot more than I could have with her, so really, she was holding me back to things I wish I was able to do before. Now, almost 2 years later, I have to say, I did a lot of things i regret doing, sleeping with random women to fill that "void", drinking a lot more than I normally would and then acting stupid and making a fool out of myself, but really what I should have done was focus on myself and made myself a better person, took me nearly a year to do this. I quit playing world of warcraft for a year, just recently resubscribed, got myself in a brand new car, new job that pays very well, living on my own in a nice house that I own, paid off my debt, women are expensive. But now, I'm dating someone who actually appreciates me for everything I do for her and we get along better than I could have ever imagined. I really think that you will figure it out and be the better person on the outcome. Everything happens for a reason, just focus on yourself making yourself a better person, and you'll find someone that is even better than the girl you've just broken up with. Not going to lie, its not going to be "overnight" it will take you a few months at the minimum. It's not an easy thing to do. Don't do anything irrational, its never a good idea, think of it as losing a loved one through death, because really, you need to give yourself the time you would to mourn someone's death, just they are not dead, but completely out of your life. Hope it turns out of the better, hope you have a nice holiday and new years with your family.

  12. #12
    Fluffy Kitten Baiyn's Avatar
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    As cheesy as it sounds, time really is one of the best healers for a broken heart.

    In the mean time, you should do stuff that you enjoyed doing before meeting them or, even better, doing stuff you'd liked doing that they didn't.

    Avoid sappy movies and music and just remember that the problem is theirs, not yours. It's not that you don't deserve being treated right, it is just likely that, they are incapable of giving someone the basic things required for a happy, intimate relationship. They take everything from you and won't give anything back. Dating a sociopath is fun... Trust me, I know. Urgh. -_-'

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Scene88 View Post
    In all honestly the only thing that heals a broken heart is time, no matter how cliche that is. Things seem hard now and you feel like you will never get over it but the truth is you will. Yes it might take some time but one day you will stop thinking about her, either because you have found someone else to think about or you have managed to put this behind you and think about it in a different light.

    Good luck anyway and try and keep yourself busy.
    Pretty much this. Time mends a broken heart. Just stay busy, have some fun and eventually you'll be able to move on and it won't hurt so much.

  14. #14
    Time heals all wounds bud. Take this as a learning experience and move on

    things I learned from several bad breakup as a younger man.

    -If you do not trust who you are with, it's better to not be with them. Trust is one of the most important things in a realtionship

    -Dont speak out of anger, even if you had grounds to do it, you just make yourself feel bad. Wait for the anger to pass

    -Do your best to be the best you can in any relationship you are in. If things go south, you can look back and truthfully say I did all I could.

    I had a relationship like this one 5 or 6 years ago, it wasn't long distance but the over all theme you are throwing out was the same

    I didn't trust her, eventually we broke up and we yelled at each other about what the other did and blah blah blah etc. I was 100% correct in everything I said to her, but I regretted how i said it more then i did the break up.

    jump forward to my last girlfriend.

    I deeply loved her, I trusted her and she trusted me. I always did my best to treat her like a man should treat a women, and while i'm not perfect and mess up in that from time to time for the most part I acted just like I should have.
    When we broke up (it was a long distance relationship, and the only reason behind it) I was very sad. but I left with my head held high knowing that I did all that I could. The wounds heal much faster when that is the case.

    I started working out a little more then I did before, hung out with friends, took a vacation.

    In the end all you need is time, there are 7 billion people on the planet and over 50% of them are women. 100% you will find someone better

  15. #15
    Time is all you can give it. The best thing to do is to find something to distract your thoughts. Yes, at first it will seem impossible and you will go back to your thoughts seemingly in a heart beat, but just try and continue on with your life while doing something on the side to distract your thoughts. Whether it be for 5 minutes for a few hours. It's natural to be sad, don't get me wrong, but eventually you will get over it to some degree. At that moment though, it just seems like it will never go away. We've all been there. Time heals all wounds. Sappy, but very true. There is no time frame. You will move on from it though, guaranteed.

  16. #16
    I split up with my highschool sweetheart of 4 1/2 years because I was at a point where I had to choose...move forward, get married, have a bunch of kids and go to church every sunday (that's how life would have been with her) or let her go and move on. I picked option 2, because I didn't want that life.

    For a good 6 months I was a wreck, and for months after that I still felt like shit. It was not easy. I know what you're going through, think of what it would be like after 4 1/2 years, and it was not easy.

    With that said, time heals all wounds. A few years and a few girls later I met my wife, who shares the same life goals as I do, and I consider myself LUCKY AS HELL to have been smart enough to know that things wouldn't work out in the long run. It just takes time.

  17. #17
    It's obvious you love her but it's also apparent there is a lot of emotion so my next step would be to take a few weeks off to let the emotions cool off on both sides. If after that time you think the relationship is salvageable try to have a long talk with her. Try to keep the emotions to a minimum but be honest with each other.

    If that fails be ready to move on. It's hard but eventually you will find someone more compatible. Good luck.

  18. #18
    Like Tumble said, it sounds like this is your first love. Reading your prose and seeing all the overly-dramatic phrasing leads me to believe that this first love wasn't so much LOVE, but infactuation which to the uninitiated can FEEL like love since it also lacks the over-powering "OMG I WANT TO BANG YOU SO HARD!" urges that lust brings.

    Infactuation is subtle; love is blunt as hell.
    Infactuation wants change; love is accepting.
    Infactuation is mysterious; love is open and honest.

    You got involved with someone you didn't completely know everything (or even a little bit) about. You fell not for who they were, but for who you thought they were and what you wished they would be. A lot of your hate spawns from the clash of reality versus the fantasy. It doesn't reconcile in your mind, and therefore your feelings reject them and even blame them for this.

    Can you be friends again? Anything is possible, but I would wager not.

    Can you be made whole again? Absolutely. Life will go on and time will pass. You'll meet new people, make friends, and discover a new girl that will set you on fire all over again. =) To echo what a lot of others have said, just don't dwell on it. Find something to keep you busy. Hang out with friends, go outside and climb a mountain, go for epic bike rides and explore new areas of your city / countryside. And stay off the booze! Alcohol is actually a depressant. Drinking alone while down = bad juju.

    Good luck! One day you'll be happily married with kids and loving life. You'll read a forum post online by some poor kid going through what you did once upon a time, and you'll offer them some sage advice and wish them well. (er...I'm just assuming on this last one **koff**)

  19. #19
    Scarab Lord Puck's Avatar
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  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by DemonFox View Post
    Well.. this might sound kinda ehh. but i often find or see that getting over another person that you very much adore is finding a new special someone. sure it may sound like lust but i honestly believe that it is not. On top of that, if she did you wrong she will realize the loss as they say you dont know what you really have till you actually lost it. That might be your case but according to all the statements u have stated, it seems that you cant stand her at this point so there is no need to mope around any longer and move on. Alcohol works for you then it works for you but to me Alcohol is just another easy get away. If u can manage to endure this sober, i believe you will have a stronger mentality. good luck tho
    ^ If I hadn't fallen in love again, I would've been in pain for a long time brother.

    Live well, raid hard, and don't stand in fire.

    You'll be just fine.

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