From the things that you've written, it looks like you thrown yourself to her feet, while she's a bitch with attitude. You need to man-up, start to respect yourself and understand that one-sided relationships are bad. Self-pity and self-indulgence are bad for you, too.
Piece of advice - search for a technique called recapitulation. It'll help to relieve yourself of all negative memories, and you'll stop fixating on previous pains and mistakes.