About a girl

[holyforce]

So I am madly in love with this girl, words can't even describe how I feel about her. There's a slight problem. Shes dating on of my best friends. Hes a complete jerk to her, hes physically and mentally abusive towards her, she even said so her self. I keep trying to tell her that's not a healthy relationship to be in. But she doesn't listen to me.She already knows how I feel about her. my "friend" said and I quote "The next guy you date after me, ill kill him" Hes super controlling and stuff like that. We are both above 6ft and pretty big. If it came down to a fight I could loose. I know most of the mmo-champ community has decent advice to give. What should I do? My heart tells my to pursue her. My brain tells me to go in 50 different directions.

[konikitty]

Be there for her. Undemanding, selfless, constant, warm support. Make your intentions clear to her. Tell her you will defend her (if you indeed would). Be big brother protective and try to help her see that she has the strength to leave him. Be ready to PROTECT HER if it comes to that. If she feels unsafe and insecure in leaving, she won't do it.

[Schattenlied]

So I am madly in love with this girl, words can't even describe how I feel about her. There's a slight problem. Shes dating on of my best friends. Hes a complete jerk to her, hes physically and mentally abusive towards her, she even said so her self. I keep trying to tell her that's not a healthy relationship to be in. But she doesn't listen to me.She already knows how I feel about her. my "friend" said and I quote "The next guy you date after me, ill kill him" Hes super controlling and stuff like that. We are both above 6ft and pretty big. If it came down to a fight I could loose. I know most of the mmo-champ community has decent advice to give. What should I do? My heart tells my to pursue her. My brain tells me to go in 50 different directions.

Go after her man, if you don't you'll regret it for the rest of your life. And I mean that, literally.

On a side note, why are you friends with this guy if he is such an asshole? Hell, even if I weren't interested in the girl I'd still beat the piss out of him for treating her like that.

[Tarin]

How the hell is he one of your best friends?

[Lilfrier]

If he is legitimately physically abusive toward her, calls the cops. I'm not joking. If he hits her, either beat the hell out of him and go to jail to protect her or get him sent to jail, something.

---------- Post added 2012-02-26 at 07:20 AM ----------

How the hell is he one of your best friends?

I didn't even stop to think that. There is quite possibly the best question ever. How are you best friends with someone who is physically and emotionally abusive to a girl you really care about?

[konikitty]

How the hell is he one of your best friends?

I am sorta wondering this, as well. Talk to him about your concerns...

[Kikitiki]

The best thing to do would be to invite her personally to hang out with you if you possibly can. When you do, have a domestic violence counselor lined up to talk to about all this. I'd know because I went to see one with my mum to talk about a boyfriend that I had that was controlling and emotionally abusive. If you can't get her alone just by asking nicely, then it's time to just lie. Get her to tell him that she's got an appointment, such as a gynecologist appointment, and that she'd like to go to it by herself. Do the meeting then.
If he's making serious threats and she's afraid of what he'll do, it's time to get the police involved. If not them, then follow the previous advice.
You can talk to someone from the YWCA about domestic violence counseling as well as many other local organizations. Time to do some research, my friend. It's for her good, your good, and her boyfriend's good, when you think about it.

[Creotor]

Funny. I'm in a similar situation except i am the girl in the middle! So, my current experience will tell you to do what my white night is doing for me: be there for her. Undemanding, selfless, constant, warm support. Make your intentions clear to her. Tell her you will defend her (if you indeed would). Be big brother protective and try to help her see that she has the strength to leave him. Be ready to PROTECT HER if it comes to that. If she feels unsafe and insecure in leaving, she won't do it.

He is making all the difference in the world to me.

If the situation really is the way you've described it, then the above is good advice, imo.
However, relationships where one of the, um, participants gets treated like dirt are somewhat common and it's also quite common those people still don't want to break up, for various reasons. The fact that she admits to being abused doesn't necessarily mean she wants out. If she really liked you that way, something would have probably happened already unless your friend really is mental (and if she's aware of that) and would actually go into a state of homicidal rage, were she to break up with him and get together with you. This is all wild speculation on my part since I don't have any idea as to what the situation really is like, so don't take this too seriously.

[Kikitiki]

If nothing else, know that she appreciates having you there. I didn't have any other friends I could talk to about him outside of my parents. It's a very suffocating experience to go through and it makes you feel incredibly weak and helpless.
Take steps.

[dumyguy]

I'd be there for the girl, try and get her out of there, but if said jackarse really is a good enough friend that you care about how he feels, I wouldn't pursue the girl as an actual relationship.
Otherwise what everyone else said

[Shmeh]

So I am madly in love with this girl, words can't even describe how I feel about her. There's a slight problem. Shes dating on of my best friends. Hes a complete jerk to her, hes physically and mentally abusive towards her, she even said so her self. I keep trying to tell her that's not a healthy relationship to be in. But she doesn't listen to me.She already knows how I feel about her. my "friend" said and I quote "The next guy you date after me, ill kill him" Hes super controlling and stuff like that. We are both above 6ft and pretty big. If it came down to a fight I could loose. I know most of the mmo-champ community has decent advice to give. What should I do? My heart tells my to pursue her. My brain tells me to go in 50 different directions.

Man up. Men don't hit women, men hit men that hit women. Make it known to her how you feel and such, if he hits her again, put him down hard and fast. Doesn't matter how you do it, just do it. Bust an arm if you know how to, either at the elbow, or the upper arm with a kimura, google it and learn how. Serious injury tends to change peoples outlook on life.

[Schroedinger]

She needs to take control of her life. If she dont like him, she must find the strength to brake the relationship by herself, or suffer the consequences. If she is waiting for someone to solve her problems, in a heartbeat she will be hop into another one. She must learn to fight, its called to grow up. If she like him and only tells about the "abuse" to get attention or sympathies, she is not worth the time you spend with her.

All in all, support her in her choices, but she must WANT to start to solve her problems. And last but least, if she dumps him, give her time, or you will became just a "band aid" BF until she finds the next Mr. Perfect.

[Deleted]

Getting involved in a bad relationships is something both men and women have been great at since the beginning of time

If it really is how you say it is - and she doesn't have the strength of character to leave him, or due to her naivety she thinks the relationship can work -then sorry mate - but you can't help people who can't help themselves

It looks like she'll be learning this lesson the hard way

She needs to take control of her life. If she dont like him, she must find the strength to brake the relationship by herself, or suffer the consequences. If she is waiting for someone to solve her problems, in a heartbeat she will be hop into another one. She must learn to fight, its called to grow up. If she like him and only tells about the "abuse" to get attention or sympathies, she is not worth the time you spend with her.

All in all, support her in her choices, but she must WANT to start to solve her problems. And last but least, if she dumps him, give her time, or you will became just a "band aid" BF until she finds the next Mr. Perfect.

Listen to this guy too! =)