How do you get someone to quit smoking?

[Deleted]

It takes will power, that's something someone else can't provide.

[Kasierith]

A couple of clarifications that might help the discussion -- He has said he wants to quit and has cut back on the smoking and has started to try alternate therapies (the e-cig for example). So there is a desire to quit and movement in a positive direction.

He smoked before and quit before. He's just having a hard time doing it again. He doesn't smoke that much either.

So the real question I'm trying to get to is more along the lines of Kasierith -- what can I do in a supporting role to help. Keep him accountable? Let him fight the battle on his own?

And what have people used to help quit?

I certainly am aware of the potential pitfalls if this doesn't get resolved in terms of our relationship, but let's just take that component out of it -- say he's just a friend who wants to quit -- what would you do to help?

EDIT -- additional clarification -- this has been going on for about 6 months now, so this is not a new thing. A lot of the fighting I mentioned was because because of what Loharl said. I didn't understand why he couldn't just go cold turkey and he didn't understand why I cared. We sat down several months ago and had a long conversation about why it was an important issue for both of us and kind of "got it". We haven't fought about it since, but it's still lurking in the background as an issue that needs to be resolved and I want to do whatever I can to help. Most of my friends don't smoke so it's not a great network to find answers for how to help.

A lot of it honestly depends on him. It sounds like he cares about what you think, so it is safe to assume that your support does help him. Honestly, the biggest thing that gets the majority of people is simply not being aware of what addiction is. Addiction is a physiological response from the brain to consume a product. It is real and observable. If you monitor someones neural functions who is addicted to, say, beer, certain parts of the brain light up every time that person sees beer. Its the reason why beer commercials often have a pitcher, pour the beer from about a foot up, let the viewer see the beer rising up foaming until it spills over the top getting all over the place... they see beer, they hear the fizz of it, and it activates the parts of the brain for memory storage, memory identification, and emotional expression. Addictive impulses can be activated by a massive amount of stimuli. Find out things like, where he smokes most frequently, where he buys his cigarettes, who he smokes with... if he can remove himself from the source of these impulses, than that will help with it. Another thing that you personally can do is find out why he smokes.. what sets it off? If its stress, try to find something else to deal with it. And finally.. push a lot, but not to hard. Insist constantly that he not smoke, but don't freak out and fly off the handle. Set a standard.. if he smokes, this will happen. Stick to this and be consistent, so that he can fully expect what will occur.

Nicotine patches and gum are useful tools to help with smoking cessation, but there is the problem of retention. You need to use them very consistently or they do not help. If he's the person who can chew a piece of nicotine gum 10 times a day (note, NOT whenever he feels like smoking, but as a daily routine), than that might be a good tool for stopping. Nicotine patches are more potent, but on the other hand they are also more dangerous and have side effects. TAlk to a pharmacist about smoking cessation medication.

[Bane Falcon]

Smokers smoke due to stress.

Being nagged about the same shit day after day causes stress over time.

Getting on his case for him to stop smoking might cause him to crave more cigarettes, just so he can get away for a couple minutes and be left alone while enjoying himself.


Basically, what everyone else said... If he wants to quit, he'll quit. Nothing you say or do will change that.

[Deleted]

I would say cold turkey. That's how I did it. I'm sure there are some pills or whatever that might help some people, but quitting instantly works best, anyone can confirm it. I have gained some weight for sure, I was exceptionally nervous and irritable the first 3-4 months, but then everything went back to normal, except I didn't smoke anymore. I would advise, in the case he tries cold turkey, to avoid any places or activities that are associated with smoking, at least in the beginning. Like pubs for example, or the so sweet cigarette after dinner. Finding a hobby is a really good option, preferably something that can't get him annoyed. Once you break the mental barrier, you realize the physical addiction is close to non existent.

P.S. be careful with those e-cigars, there are reported cases of them blowing in the person's mouth, causing very serious injuries.

[Bane Falcon]

I do have to say I don't think it's fair to say that smoking is a harmless hobby. Although it's an extreme if your wife started smoking crack would you not say anything because you don't feel appropriate to get her to quit her new hobby?

Ah, well, good to know you view your boyfriend's habit on par with him being a crack head... That'll do wonders to helping him quit.

[Kronyk88]

if you really want to break an addiction there is that new anti-addiction pill they developed for drugs, but it should be effective for smokers and drinkers too. It takes away the pleasure response of the brain. without positive reinforcement that the addictive behavior brings it should be easier to break (that's the theory behind it anyway). Think about it, would anyone smoke, drink, do drugs if all you could feel is the negative effects it had on your body without all those artificial feelings to cover them up?

See my post directly before yours,

[Muis]

You don't.

They need to have the initiative to quit smoking. Without personal reasons (whatever that may be for them) it's not gonna work.

I've stopped smoking 7 years ago, because my gf at the time got emotional every now and again as her father died of lung cancer. So I stopped because it was in a way hurting her, but it was FOR MY OWN REASON. If she would've said "I want you to quit smoking or I break up" it would've been an easy choice... Namely the latter.

So bottom line, he needs to quit for his own reasons. If he can't (and yeah, it's hard but tbh, best way is - as mentioned above - quitting cold turkey) then either you'll have to accept it or move on. I know people that tried the gum, fake cigs etc. but it never worked for them. I just stopped cold turkey and managed fine (smoked for 10 years, alot more then my friends too).

In the end, I'm glad I quitted. I'm quite sure that my current gf would've not gone out with me or I would've been with her, if I was still a smoker. But I never regretted smoking all those years either ^_^

Smokers smoke due to stress.

Being nagged about the same shit day after day causes stress over time.

Nah, it's not stress. It's addictive and it becomes a habit. Sounds to me like you don't smoke or you would've known probably. (or you smoke 'cause of stress, but hardly the case for most smokers.

to avoid any places or activities that are associated with smoking, at least in the beginning. Like pubs for example

Well, I'm not gonna speak for the majority (as half the posters always tend to do), but I honestly found putting myself into those places and such, with the will to quit the best way actually.

But then again, that's based on how much willpower you have probably. If your bf is already having trouble quitting, then yes, he should avoid those. If he feels strong enough after a few times, he should look it up. He might notice how much it smells.


Good luck for the both of ya, whatever the outcome may be.

[Lenonis]

Ah, well, good to know you view your boyfriend's habit on par with him being a crack head... That'll do wonders to helping him quit.

tsk tsk tsk. I put the disclaimer that "although an extreme..." They are obviously not the same. But smoking isn't harmless either. Anyway that's not the point, and as I said earlier (you probably didn't see it) I don't say anything a vast majority of the time. I've brought it up twice since the start of the year and one of those was just to ask how it was going with the e-cig. Hardly nagging day in and day out -- I know how annoying that can be.

[Kasierith]

Short answer, Wellbutrin (Bupropion).

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000970/

It's absolutely fantastic and worked 100% for me.

However, I AM NOT A DOCTOR NOR DO I CLAIM TO BE. PLEASE CONSULT WITH YOURS BEFORE TAKING THIS!

Best of luck to you

Bupropion is a regulated drug, with significant side effects and adverse drug reactions, so unless you are a medical professional educated in the medication you really shouldn't suggest its use. It's fine to suggest talking to a doctor about it, but there are thousands of deaths and hospitalizations every year because people take medications without being fully aware of the consequences of taking it personally.

if you really want to break an addiction there is that new anti-addiction pill they developed for drugs, but it should be effective for smokers and drinkers too. It takes away the pleasure response of the brain. without positive reinforcement that the addictive behavior brings it should be easier to break (that's the theory behind it anyway). Think about it, would anyone smoke, drink, do drugs if all you could feel is the negative effects it had on your body without all those artificial feelings to cover them up?

The drug which you are likely referring to, naltrexone, is far from being ready for general consumption. Studies are still being done on the side effects of it. A lot of research is put into how safe drugs are, especially when they deal with neurotransmitters... and for good reason. Many times in the past people have pushed the FDA to approve a drug before it was ready, which resulted in significant problems for the people who took it. Wait for it to be proven safe before deciding if its a good tool to help wtih addiction.

[Bane Falcon]

tsk tsk tsk. I put the disclaimer that "although an extreme..." They are obviously not the same. But smoking isn't harmless either. Anyway that's not the point, and as I said earlier (you probably didn't see it) I don't say anything a vast majority of the time. I've brought it up twice since the start of the year and one of those was just to ask how it was going with the e-cig. Hardly nagging day in and day out -- I know how annoying that can be.

Your comment about not nagging each day came while I was typing my other response... and yeah, even though you said "although an extreme", that still means that you're associating your boyfriend smoking with crack heads.

Just because you don't nag him, that doesn't mean you don't frown, sigh, or seem otherwise put-off by each and every time he might have a smoke.

If he wants to quit, he'll find a reason and a means to quit. If he doesn't, well... Idunno, just tell him to make sure to shower, brush his teeth, use mouthwash, and change clothes after each smoke. That way, he can still quit at his pace, and you don't have to worry about smelling and tasting it on him.



Or, from the complete opposite direction... Pick up smoking too! That way, you won't notice the smell or taste on him anymore.

[Deleted]

I do have to say I don't think it's fair to say that smoking is a harmless hobby. Although it's an extreme if your wife started smoking crack would you not say anything because you don't feel appropriate to get her to quit her new hobby?

That depends, I'm not saying smoking is harmless, however there is a difference between harmless only for him and harmless for you both.

In your example, crack, its a destructive drug that will cause him to destroy your lives by spending money, loosing work, the list goes on and on. While smoking is in fact a health hazard over a long period of time, I doubt it's something that'll cost him his job or is something he'll sell his car over.

See it more like a potentially dangerous hobby, lets say skydiving, say he's an adventurist, enjoys climbing too. He enjoys it, but hey shit could go wrong. Telling him to quit that.

Now obivously smoking and a hobby aren't the exact same things, what I'm trying to push forward is is that at the end of the day its a very personal thing. If you like it you like it, alot probably too. Heck it's a lifestyle. Getting told to change your lifestyle sucks.

Example, when I was like 17/18 I had a girlfriend who didn't smoke, and she wanted me to quit. Me beeing pussywhipped like any other guy I did quit at the time. During my relationship I never smoked again. Guess what the first thing I did was when we broke up? Light one up in the car ride home

And you know what? The fact we broke up sucked ass, but at the same time beeing able to smoke again, it felt great. Because I could 100% be me again. And thats the whole thing, you demanding him stopping ( I know he said he wants to quit too but from what I'm reading he's mostly doing it for you and doesnt REALLY want to quit himself ) is you changing how he is. If he quits is because HE wants to, on his own, not because you want him too or whatever. Its on him 100%.

Because as a non-smoker you don't really understand that. "Hey its just a cigaret, its bad for you anyway so wtf is it such a problem". Well, most smokers who're not ready to quit just really enjoy it, its almost a lifestyle TBH

Anyway, I know breaking up sounded a bit harsh. But honestly, in retrospect on that whole dating i did at 17/18, wish I never quit for her. Relationships after that I was always really upfront about it "I smoke, I ain't quitting, if you got a problem with that then thats on you".

To be at least a bit helpful in this long-ass post, I guess you could help him by just beeing supportive if he does decide to see a doctor about it. Be supportive, but not demanding. Its a pretty thin line I know, but at the end of the day you just need to make sure he feels (truly feels) its his descision. And not make it like you tell him "Blablabla I want you to quit, and you want too too right?" because thats not really his descision then. (Not saying you would be like that, but judging from your earlier post you had a few fights and later talks about it. Well lets just say sometimes between men and women "talks" are more one-sided then they may seem because us men at the end of the day are suckers for a pretty smile )

[Lenonis]

Your comment about not nagging each day came while I was typing my other response... and yeah, even though you said "although an extreme", that still means that you're associating your boyfriend smoking with crack heads.

It's probably because of all the Whitney Houston talk honestly. I was trying to think of bad habits that harm people and the first thing that popped into my mind was Whitney.

He doesn't smoke around me so there is none of the passive-aggressive stuff you mentioned.

And really the only reason I'm asking is because he has said he wants to quit and he's actively trying to quit. He smoked for a while, quit, didn't smoke for a long time then randomly picked it up one day and found himself back in the habit before he knew it. He prefers to be smoke free because he's aware of how it smells and the health issues it can cause.

And there's no way I can smoke...I'm allergic to it -- makes me sneeze and triggers my asthma.

[Oerba Yun Fang]

You don't. They have to want to quit themselves...

This. They have to want it for themselves. If they don't, they won't have enough of motivation to quit.

Even if it's something like "I have to stop smoking because my kid said <insert heartbreaking/inspiring thing here>," it's still something that they want.

[Kronyk88]

Bupropion is a regulated drug, with significant side effects and adverse drug reactions, so unless you are a medical professional educated in the medication you really shouldn't suggest its use. It's fine to suggest talking to a doctor about it, but there are thousands of deaths and hospitalizations every year because people take medications without being fully aware of the consequences of taking it personally.

Which is why I put in all capital letters

I AM NOT A DOCTOR NOR DO I CLAIM TO BE. PLEASE CONSULT WITH YOURS BEFORE TAKING THIS!

I see little no to difference suggesting a medication on a forum (WITH instructions to consult a doctor first), when compared to drug companies overtly advertising on television with the same old "Ask your doctor if _________ is right for you" line.

I fail to see what I did wrong by simply suggesting to RESEARCH a medicine, when I can personally attest to it's success. I even went a step further to link a very detailed explanation about what it is, how it works, possible side effects/warning signs, in addition to other drug interactions. With all due respect, I'm not prescribing anything. If no one knows that it exists in the first place, how are they expected to open up a dialog with their physician as to if it would be a good choice or not?

I don't believe I ever explicitly said anything to the effect of "This drug is good, go get some any way you can and pop them asap". So please, spare me the white knight routine. I suggested a medicine, provided reliable information, attested to it's success, and went out of my way to emphasize the need to consult with a doctor before taking it.

If you can point out exactly what I did wrong there, I will gladly delete all of my posts.

[Deleted]

You don't. They have to want to quit themselves...

This. I tried to stop smoking because my family wanted it. It didn't work, because I didn't want to quit myself.

[Kasierith]

I see little no to difference suggesting a medication on a forum (WITH instructions to consult a doctor first), when compared to drug companies overtly advertising on television with the same old "Ask your doctor if _________ is right for you" line.

I fail to see what I did wrong by simply suggesting to RESEARCH a medicine, when I can personally attest to it's success. I even went a step further to link a very detailed explanation about what it is, how it works, possible side effects/warning signs, in addition to other drug interactions. With all due respect, I'm not prescribing anything. If no one knows that it exists in the first place, how are they expected to open up a dialog with their physician as to if it would be a good choice or not?

I don't believe I ever explicitly said anything to the effect of "This drug is good, go get some any way you can and pop them asap". So please, spare me the white knight routine. I suggested a medicine, provided reliable information, attested to it's success, and went out of my way to emphasize the need to consult with a doctor before taking it.

If you can point out exactly what I did wrong there, I will gladly delete all of my posts.

I apologize if what I said seemed aggressive towards you... such was not my intent. I merely wanted to emphasize that consulting a physician is not only a suggestion, but an absolute necessity. The problem that I saw with it was that you were, in truth, advocating its use. By saying that it worked 100% for you, you imply that it is highly effective with no side effects. When companies advertise on television, they are required by law to list a large range of side effects. They must detail the most common (more than 1% occurrence, I believe it was) side effects in addition to any blackbox warnings and any side effects leading to death. This was done after court cases established that advertising without mentioning side effects caused harm to patients, even though any of those people could have researched the drug individually before taking it. I don't believe that you posting in itself was bad, merely that it lacked a small but very critical element that if left out could cause harm to a person.

[Zenjin]

Its very difficult. Smoking becomes almost second nature, like eating or sleeping.....once every morning after you wake up, or after a big meal at night, when you are getting your buzz on from drinking.

Its easy to to cut it down to 1-2 a day, but stopping is very difficult. Personally, I think the electronic cigs are a godsend, and work very well, you really can't tell the difference and don't miss the smoke or anything. I would push him to rely on those 100%. Don't push too much though, being someone who nags you to quit smoking can be a quick way to end a relationship or encourage him to lie or sneak around on you.

Most smokers usually say "I'll stop when I have kids"......so if all else fails, get pregnant!

[zooland]

IMO, you've done too much already.

I know three ex-smokers, one of them took a pill, had some nasty side effects at first but hes fine now, and the other two quit on their own, all close friends of mines.

If you're actually thinking he should take a pill, no matter the side effects, just so you can have your "perfect couple", then do him a favor and dump him. He clearly knows what you feel about his habit, the ball is on his court and constantly mentioning this/fighting over it won't help. If you genuinely see this as a health problem you want to help your boyfriend with, then you'll do the right thing for him. If you see this more as an annoyance, then you also know what you should do (for both of you).

Good luck.

[Kronyk88]

I apologize if what I said seemed aggressive towards you... such was not my intent. I merely wanted to emphasize that consulting a physician is not only a suggestion, but an absolute necessity. The problem that I saw with it was that you were, in truth, advocating its use. By saying that it worked 100% for you, you imply that it is highly effective with no side effects. When companies advertise on television, they are required by law to list a large range of side effects. They must detail the most common (more than 1% occurrence, I believe it was) side effects in addition to any blackbox warnings and any side effects leading to death. This was done after court cases established that advertising without mentioning side effects caused harm to patients, even though any of those people could have researched the drug individually before taking it. I don't believe that you posting in itself was bad, merely that it lacked a small but very critical element that if left out could cause harm to a person.

Well, being concerned is certainly not a crime but I do think I covered all of my bases fairly well. If you follow the flow of my post, I named the medication (that's it) and immediately followed that up with a link. If you actually click the link, the first thing that appears is a yellow box that explicitly says "Warning - For people taking bupropion (Zyban) to stop smoking:". Only AFTER that, did I comment on its effect on myself. I would like to emphasize that I specifically said

It's absolutely fantastic and worked 100% for me.

Im completely at a loss how you interpreted that to mean

The problem that I saw with it was that you were, in truth, advocating its use. By saying that it worked 100% for you, you imply that it is highly effective with no side effects.

Please don't put words in my mouth. I did not "imply" anything. I literally, and specifically said "It worked 100% for me". That means, It worked 100% for me. When I took this medication, prescribed by a doctor, to quit smoking, it was very effective FROM MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. Why would anyone ever assume that taking a medication is going to have the exact same results for each patient? And who says that I DIDN'T have side effects? I never even opened that door you did. I absolutely had side effects from taking it, but that possibility is clearly outlined at the top of the link I provided, BEFORE I ever advocated CONSIDERING to use it.

If you read my post again...I never actually said anything like "I think you should take this". I simply provided a well-documented solution, to a specific problem that I experienced first hand. Nothing more nothing less.

I don't believe my post lacked anything, truthfully. When the first two things provided in my post were the name of the drug, immediately followed by a link explaining EVERYTHING, with a large WARNING label as the header, I think I covered the whole "advertising without mentioning the side effects issue".

I'm starting to think that I should have just copy and pasted the entire wall of text from that link, because I'm getting the feeling certain people didn't take the time to actually go in and read it.

[Farolok]

If someone does not want to stop smoking, don't try to make them.

If they do want to stop smoking, let them do it in their own time. Antagonising does not help anyone. (Current smoker)