How do you get someone to quit smoking?

[notorious98]

So I'm in a serious relationship with someone who is an occasional smoker. Without going into all the details, I was under the impression when we met it was a "smoke when drinking once in a blue moon" type thing, and then later it turns out it is almost every day. I can't stand the smell or taste of it and it really bugs me because it's such an unhealthy habit.

So after a couple fights and some more productive discussions we came to an agreement that there would be no smoking on days we would get together and in the meantime he'd try to quit.

Since then there have been a few cigs in the morning when we had evening plans that I could tell he smoked. When confronted I got the apology and the "I'm trying but it's hard."

So the question is this -- how can I help? He's trying an electronic cigarette and it's helping I guess but not enough to get him to drop it entirely. It's been months and months since he started trying to quit. I know it's due to stress and whatnot, but there has got to be a better way to cope. I'm concerned about how it will affect our relationship if we move in together or whatnot.

Anyone been on the other side of this? What's the best way to be supportive but still push to have him quit?

Thanks!

As with anything else in life, nobody will quit or change things unless they wish to do so. If he wants to keep smoking, he will. If he doesn't, he'll attempt to stop. The only thing that you can do is be supportive and don't hound him about it. Sometimes people just need a reason. I smoked for 10 years, at about a pack a day, and I quit because I didn't want to allow smoke to hurt my infant children. They were born last August, I quit last May, and have only had a total of about 2.5 cigarettes since then. I did it for my own selfish reasons. Your partner will either choose to smoke or not smoke for their own selfish reasons. If you can get over the fact that you're not enough of a life changing reason to do so your relationship will grow. If you can't, then it's time to think about moving elsewhere. As it is, it all comes down to willpower.

Oh, and don't listen to those people who bring up things like the Patch or Quit Help lines. None of that garbage stops the nicotine addiction and none of it will help with the mental aspect of having the cigarette in between your fingers and bringing it up to your lips. The mental aspect is MUCH tougher to break than the physical. So, like I said before, be supportive and don't pressure or hound him. He'll either quit or he won't, but there's very little you can do about it.

[Paladin885]

in order to quit you have to want too. "Trying" for months is not quitting, hell, trying alone does not equal actually quitting. You either are or you're not. period.

Second, you have to remove all stimuli that reinforces the desire to smoke. So that means walking away from or altering everything that sparks the thought or desire.

Third, the "quitter" will need to replace that stimulus response with a new one. For most that ends up being food since smokers have an oral fixation. That is where the white lie "if I quit I'll gain weight" comes from.

Forth, a good reinforcement into enhancing the desire to quit is usually good. Some of the first things people notice when they quit anything is improved health which makes them and their doctors happy. Sometimes this can be enhanced by showing people what addictions do to your body physically. That's a method tobacco companies are being forced to do here soon for their products, is to show real life pictures of lungs etc.

For my roommate, it was a combination of his GF nagging and me removing the stimulus. Once he replaced the stimulus with something else he eventually just stopped. But the big factor of him stopping is when he finally got a breath of smoke coming from somone else and later having to stand next to that person smelling them. THAT made him want to gag and it sealed the deal.

but be warned, addiction is addiction is addiction. Even once the stimulus is replaced the desire will arise again. Usually when stress hits and a person wants that "feel good" feeling again. Thats when the thought and eventual desire returns and here is the bad part.... it only takes one hit then its back to the beginning...

[oneeyedirishman]

Pour water on them, or step on them for awhile.

Make sure all the flames are out, though. Safety first!

[notorious98]

in order to quit you have to want too. "Trying" for months is not quitting, hell, trying alone does not equal actually quitting. You either are or you're not. period.

Second, you have to remove all stimuli that reinforces the desire to smoke. So that means walking away from or altering everything that sparks the thought or desire.

Third, the "quitter" will need to replace that stimulus response with a new one. For most that ends up being food since smokers have an oral fixation. That is where the white lie "if I quit I'll gain weight" comes from.

Forth, a good reinforcement into enhancing the desire to quit is usually good. Some of the first things people notice when they quit anything is improved health which makes them and their doctors happy. Sometimes this can be enhanced by showing people what addictions do to your body physically. That's a method tobacco companies are being forced to do here soon for their products, is to show real life pictures of lungs etc.

For my roommate, it was a combination of his GF nagging and me removing the stimulus. Once he replaced the stimulus with something else he eventually just stopped. But the big factor of him stopping is when he finally got a breath of smoke coming from somone else and later having to stand next to that person smelling them. THAT made him want to gag and it sealed the deal.

but be warned, addiction is addiction is addiction. Even once the stimulus is replaced the desire will arise again. Usually when stress hits and a person wants that "feel good" feeling again. Thats when the thought and eventual desire returns and here is the bad part.... it only takes one hit then its back to the beginning...

Sorry to say this, but spoken like a true non-smoker. Smokers know exactly what's happening to their bodies, but we don't care. That entire paragraph makes smokers look like they're completely ignorant to what the entirety of society has been telling them. Second, removing stimuli? I see people smoking on television or a movie and I get a small desire to smoke a cigarette. I fight that urge and I don't, but I get it nonetheless. Third, "if I quit I'll gain weight" is only a partial white lie. There will be a need to fulfill that desire with something. Fourth, one hit is not back to the beginning. Like I said in the above post, I have smoked about 2.5 cigarettes since I quit 9 months ago. Hell, I smoked one last week, but that hasn't put me back to the beginning. On the contrary, it reinforces why I don't WANT to pick smoking up again.

OP, please, for the love of everything holy, don't ever take advice on getting someone to quit smoking from a non-smoker. They have absolutely zero idea what they're talking about. Anyone with a decent amount of willpower will make themselves stop smoking IF they want to. "Removing stimuli" will not stop them from picking up a pack of cigarettes from the store on their way to or from work and just hiding them.

---------- Post added 2012-02-28 at 10:09 PM ----------

How many times have you read all the way through the Blizzard TOS? Do you read all the way through every time the conditions change for a patch? You should, legally. You could skip over something that's incredibly influential, on the presumption that it is nothing but another meaningless contract.

Human CentIPad.

[Kasierith]

.

Human CentIPad.

Ya.... I really wish I hadn't googled that....

But anyways, did you used to have specific times of the day where you smoked a lot? And what exactly did you do to quit smoking... cold turkey or stop and go several times before kicking it? The OP is looking for ways to help, and as you yourself pointed out someone who has gone through it before has a unique perspective that nonsmokers cannot understand.

[pocky_rin]

I haven't ever tried this but I heard there is a prank you can do where you thread a human hair through the cigarettes with a needle. Must be really disgusting but I bet it works!

[Deleted]

stop smoking=fat... well that probs not entirely true though my honest opinion is if they have cut down that its self is a good thing. I dislike people who try to force there opinions and whatever on others.
My girlfriend smokes and i hate kissing her after shes had one... just not pleasent; even her breath, though i dont mind since at the end of the day if i ever get fed up with it to the point i would try make her quit then i'd rather end the relationship.
If your partner wants to quit, not just because of you but there own uninfluenced opinion then they'll do it (eventualy).

[Japse123]

why do you smoke so much i say xD

[aekya]

Hmmm you dont.

Its very related to willpower and how much he wants to actually do it.

If he REALLY wants to stop he will, you are likely, just not good enough reason to. (dont take this personally, but it is true, if you were good enough reason he would stop simply from you asking, it does not however mean he doesnt love you, just that you are still with him even though he does it, so why bother?)

Antagonizing will make it worst since now then he resents you and himself due to constant pressure. It is better to support whenever he tries to quit than to judge when he falls, dont however enable it, ultimately its up to him all you can do is support him, or leave if you cant live with it.

There is no try, people who "try" for months dont really want to stop smoking and are doing so only due to some immediate reason (just read some report on smoking and got scared, got sick and associated it with smoking so got scared, gf or friends giving them shit about it etc) but after a bit they stop caring and make up excuses to restart/continue "trying" (life is short, if she loves me she will accept me as i am, i could stop smoking anytime i just dont want to, im trying but it takes time, hmmm maybe next month) and so forth.

That, is addiction speaking, it is fun how often people mistake free will with addiction.

I broke up once due to drinking, once due to smoking (of my partners, not mine), but it is always up to the person to stop making excuses and do it, and having a good enough reason to do it, usually health reasons arent (until its too late, but even then some people make up the excuse that its already too late so why bother)
To me, i couldnt live with it, so i simply broke up before the relationship went to hell with me hating them for smoking and creating resentment everywhere.

Try to talk with him without judgement, without pressure, support when he tries to, if he cant (and you cant live with it) then i would suggest moving on, dont make yourself (and him indirectly) miserable with things you cant live with but try to, doesnt work

[notorious98]

Ya.... I really wish I hadn't googled that....

But anyways, did you used to have specific times of the day where you smoked a lot? And what exactly did you do to quit smoking... cold turkey or stop and go several times before kicking it? The OP is looking for ways to help, and as you yourself pointed out someone who has gone through it before has a unique perspective that nonsmokers cannot understand.

It was usually throughout the day, so there wasn't a specific time. The toughest times for me were after meals. I was so used to having a cigarette after I ate that it was easily the toughest part of smoking to kick. But I did quit cold turkey. I've found that the majority of smokers I know that stopped smoking went about it this way. The majority of people I know that have used the patch or anything else have not. Like I said before, the mental aspect is far tougher to overcome than the physical. That's why it really comes down to the desire. Most people who say they want to quit but never do never truly want to quit. To be honest, I didn't even really want to quit myself, but I did it for the health of my children. So they weren't inhaling the toxins on my clothes. My desire to promote a healthy well being for them far outweighed my desire to have a smoke. As far as helping goes, my fiance didn't hound me about smoking. She didn't like it and would find ways to insert her opinion of what I was doing from time to time, but didn't tell me that I had to stop. She didn't make it a priority. But she did support me when I was having a rough day. That's the most that someone can do is just give unconditional support during those tough times.

[Itisamuh]

If they want to quit, they will. Nobody will quit just because someone forces them to. If it offends you that much, you should probably find a new mate and let them find one that is more tolerant of such a common practice. And this is coming from someone who has never smoked a day in his life and cannot stand the smell. In the end, it is their choice, not yours.

[zerocarbs]

If you're waiting for him to quit smoking for you then it will never happen.

[Deleted]

In my case after smoking fo 12 years, i switched to electric cigarette. I tried some cheap thing first wich didn't do the trick, but then i bought a good one and have been off ever since.
I still get my nicotine from it, but now my smell\taste senses are a lot better

[Asics]

My fiance was a smoker before we got together. She continued to smoke until I sat down with her and explained to her why I do not smoke and why I think she shouldn't continue to smoke, but left the decision ultimately up to her to do. She took it upon herself to choose what was important and decided to quit all on her own. She occasionally has a smoke but they are so few and far between I don't really mind so long as it isn't near me.

What I'm trying to get at is your significant other has to decide to quit for themselves. Make quitting important if you want the relationship to work.

[askpreeti]

Its never easy to quit smoking. Its a kind of habit that anyone can't quit in a single day. If anyone very serious about quit smoking, then he/she should have strong will power and should have take best alternate like electronic smokeless cigarette.