Don't understand her..

[Lilcheeks]

1-2 times a week? No one is that busy, if they care they will make time for someone no matter how busy they are.

Sounds like an empty relationship if she wont communicate face to face and talk things out.

Yea, to me it sounds like she isn't interested. Forget her, move on.

[neccowafer]

But to say that one is in love because of talking a lot is presumptuous and naive. It's not "true if you shared little in common in the first place" and you should not speak like you know such things, that only proves further that you have a lot to learn in that area. Many people have their reasons for not being able to constantly talk with their lover, like responsibility, however that doesn't mean they don't love each other or have a lot of things in common by any means.

Take this to heart: everybody's relationship is different, as with their form of love, and to even hint at their form of love being inferior to yours is an insult in every way. My lover and I do talk quite a bit, but often we don't even need to speak anymore to understand each other.. does that mean we don't love each other, not speaking to understand each other? No. Speaking is only one display of love, and there's millions of ways to do so, which work for different couples.

PS: Sorry to be critical on the matter, but I felt like you were talking down on people without even knowing or understanding them.

I never said that not talking to each other because of responsibilities was bad. We are apart often because we both work and I'm a full time student. Not talking due to lack of interest is usually because you had little in common in the first place/don't get along well. I was responding to a post stating that talking to each other often and with great interest was always necessarily a temporary thing. If we take it as true that you got bored of talking to a lover after the first year and reverted to once a week contact or less.. BY CHOICE, that means you're probably bored.

And where I said talking I mostly meant spending time together. Obviously we're not talking 100% every second while we're say, playing a game, but we're spending time together by choice and nonverbal communication takes place. My post was completely and 100% in context of the post above which seemed to be saying that being excited to contact someone after one year/four years just goes away, and implied that every relationship was like that, with emphasis on phone calls, i.e., a couple that does not live together and is thus not sitting right next to each other constantly communicating non-verbally all the time.

It was not meant to be my complete and total philosophy on relationship dynamics but rather an example of a relationship that did not suddenly leave the two participants with lack of want or need to call each other after the first year. One example of a type of relationship that works for me.

And then I went on to say that the OP should evaluate his own personal wants and compare them to the girl's, which I said because I do believe that all relationships are different, as well as mentioning that I only found my own personal wants after many tries with other relationships. I just can't really see how you would get that idea out of my post if you read the whole thing, which constantly implied and reinforced that all relationships are different and that OP needs to make sure that him and his potential girl here have similar enough wants and needs in a relationship to make it work.

If I believed that there was only one type of successful relationship, why would I say that?

The most important factor (imo) is proper alignment of two peoples' goals, wants, needs, and general philosophy. If you need and want constant contact you are not going to get along with someone who does not want to call more than once a week, most likely. You can make it work, probably, but it takes a lot more work than usual. I hope that that is much more inoffensive than what you thought I believe, but I guess I don't really care.

[buck008]

This is called being on the back burner. She probably likes you, just not as much as you like her. You're probably a nice guy, a safe choice. She'll keep you going as long as you let her do it. Or until she decides no one better is coming along. Even if you get her, things will always be on her terms and only hers. Run away. I speak from experience.

I don't mean to sound bitter. I'm actually in a great relationship with a wonderful girl these days. I did have one string me along for years because I was too dumb to get away and too much of a chump to stick up for myself. Also, ask your friends. If they unanimously tell you to drop her, listen. They know you better than anonymous strangers on the internet. Good friends will tell you things you don't want to hear.

[dextersbasement]

thanks. i have many things to ponder here. i have been meditating on everyone's feedback

[Deleted]

Not sure this is the correct thread but ill post this here anyway.

Iv been seeing a girl for around 6 months everything was perfect we never argued or disagreed on anything and we had a lot in common. I love this girl and she was constantly saying how she loves me. We had a great Christmas then all of a sudden over the new year she ends the relationship. It's the most random/unexpected thing to ever happen to me has I thought we were both so happy.

I was working on new years eve (daytime) and I get a text saying she's not well and is spending the night at her mums while she recovers, I was kinda annoyed because it was one of the most romantic/important nights of the year but I phoned her and wished her well without showing any disappointment and planned to see her new years day. New years day arrives and she's still not well and says she just needs some time alone to recover, now I have never had any reason to doubt her and I trust her 100% but this seemed a little fishy. Not a chance going by our previous months of dating that she would blow me off 2 days in a row, iv seen her sick before and she's wanted me around to 'look after her'.

So the new year goes bye and 2 further days without actually seeing her or having very little contact then all of a sudden she ends the relationship by txt, says she's just not ready to be in a relationship and she wants to end it. Now id be able to accept that if this was a new relationship and if she wasn't telling me every day that she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me, it's like we went from being the happiest couple in the world to being finished without anything bad happening and for no apparent reason over the space of a few days.

Iv found it hard to get over it so far mainly because I just don't understand what's happened. She doesn't want to talk so I just have to accept her strange decision and move on? im just in shock more than anything I thought we would be together for a long time. I don't even know why iv posted this and its quite a boring read but I just felt writing about it might help in some way. Best Christmas ever followed by the worst new year possible without anything of note even happening....im gutted.

[starkey]

If you could understand women the world would cease to exist.