1. #1

    Post Last try on a Bio: Razzle Twistwrench

    Before i start, i think i get the whole RP story down now... so i'm trying one more time. If i mess up, so be it, i'm giving up. If i succeed, I shall begin work on Zol'Tiza and Jeffrey. Thanks for all the help, and i hope you enjoy this one better then the previous ones. Third times a charm... right?

    Name: Razzle Twistwrench
    Age: 23
    Race: Goblin
    Gender: Male
    Class: Cartel Executive Member

    Languages: Goblin, Orcish

    Faction: Goldscrew Cartel

    Personality: Has a sort of serious tone.

    Likes/Dislikes: He likes getting the job done with nobody getting hurt. A good, clean kill wouldn't be so bad, either. He dislikes when he gets the bad end of a deal, and personal issues getting in the way of his work.

    Appearance: He wears a black tuxedo with black leather pants, mostly smoking a Cigar. He has a small, black mohawk that blows in the wind. He carries a X-14 Automatic Goblin-made Gun, that can hold 12 bullets.

    Strengths/Weaknesses: He can become stronger by taking a long puff on his Cigar and a shot of Bourbon. Then he's ready for battle. He doesn't have many weaknessess, other then regular weaknessess everyone has.

    History: Razzle never really knew his parents much, they were both members of the Goldscrew Cartel in Kezan, down in Drudgetown. They were murdered by the opposing Cartel, called the Blackbolt Cartel. Razzle was taken in by the Goldscrew's, while his brother, Trizzlix, was taken by the Blackbolts. Razzle was trained at age 5 to work in the Cartel, and he did well all the way to 14, when Deathwing attacked Kezan. All Cartels had VIP Access to the Yacht, so that wasn't a problem. On the Lost Isles, the Goldscrew and Blackbolt's joined forces and went with Gallywix and helped him rebuild the Yacht. They later broke up on Bilgewater, and by that time, Razzle was 16. He was told to go fight the Blackbolts at the Beach, and when Razzle got there, he met his Brother. Razzle, at first, didn't recognize him but then realized who it was when Trizzlix removed his shades. They fought a long fight before Trizzlix decided that his brother wasn't worth his energy, and left. When Razzle told this to his Boss, Rezlax Goldscrew, Rezlax was impressed. He promoted him to Exectutive Member, and is now mortal enemies with his brother, and awaiting the final confrontation.
    Lok'Tar Ogar! For the Horde!

  2. #2
    Warchief
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Toms River, NJ
    Posts
    2,043
    Honestly, I think you're going about this the wrong way. You've been given advice on two previous characters and rather than heed that advice and make chances in response to it, you've created new characters instead - and so far, both times you've done this, you have again ignored the advice given. It isn't that we/they/whoever don't like your characters and think you need new ones, it's that we'd like you to explain more how certain characters got into certain roles and situations in their lives.

    You need a lot more detail in general here. 'Has a sort of serious tone' does not really tell me much at all about Razzle's personality. Characters should not be one dimensional otherwise they would be boring; if your guy is serious 100% of the time, well, that's kind of unrealistic and will become an obstacle when you try to play him.

    The history. Right. So first thing is first - if Razzle was 14 when Deathwing attacked Kezan, he'd be like 16 tops right now. That's one thing. The other thing is this:

    They fought a long fight before Trizzlix decided that his brother wasn't worth his energy, and left. When Razzle told this to his Boss, Rezlax Goldscrew, Rezlax was impressed. He promoted him to Exectutive Member
    If Razzle was told to go fight the opposing cartel, assumedly to the death, why would letting one of his enemies live earn him a promotion?

  3. #3
    Role-player Nonfictionless's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Georgia, USA
    Posts
    1,183
    Quote Originally Posted by Synaxis View Post
    It isn't that we/they/whoever don't like your characters and think you need new ones, it's that we'd like you to explain more how certain characters got into certain roles and situations in their lives.
    Syn pretty much hit the nail on the head right here. Personally I really did like Maggottusk. You have a great outline for him and I'm really interested to read more about how he came to be. The main thing that your bio's are lacking are the fine details and in RP this makes all the difference.

  4. #4
    I really do have to agree with the others. Ignoring the advice given to you and making a new character won't solve the problem, it's just going to be more work for everyone involved. I highly reccomend going back to your previous characters, taking a good look at the critiques given, and try to fix the problems that they bring up. This will not only make the characters better, but it will make YOU better as a roleplayer and writer, as it gives you an idea of how much detail you should put into a character and gives you a better knowledge of lore, if we corrected lore mistakes, which can then be used in the future with other characters and roleplays.

  5. #5
    Thanks for all the help, i will look up more lore about WoW. I might not change them immediatly, but ASAP. Ty again!
    Lok'Tar Ogar! For the Horde!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •