Living in shade of older sibling.

[Deleted]

Maybe someone with older sibling can understand what I mean. For example: my brother set standards very high, excelent grades in school, superb salary, big house, family and IQ of 155. Of course my parents expected me to do as good(if not better) as him. However this is impossible for me and often I am viewed as fail kid and I am treated way differently as my brother. This sucks. Please don't get me wrong, I don't envy my brother, I just don't like to be compared to him all the time.

How do you deal with this kind of situation?

[Deleted]

If you don't care, your parents will pick up on it. If they don't, tell them you don't want to be like your big brother.

As the big brother, I can tell you we do it on purpose :P

[Deleted]

lucky for me my older sister failed at school mostly, so there wasn't much of a bar set nad my mother didn't expect much of me other than to actually go to school.

[Deleted]

It just so fucking sucks, because it made me somehow compete with my brother for some time, which pretty much ruined our relationship.

[Deleted]

If you don't care, your parents will pick up on it. If they don't, tell them you don't want to be like your big brother.

As the big brother, I can tell you we do it on purpose :P

true that, but we do it because we love our siblings <3

I don't expect my little brother to have a PhD in Crime Analysis and profiling. I just want him to have certain degree so he can have a job. I don't oppress him by saying 'I'm da best!'

[Deleted]

true that, but we do it because we love our siblings <3

I don't expect my little brother to have a PhD in Crime Analysis and profiling. I just want him to have certain degree so he can have a job. I don't oppress him by saying 'I'm da best!'

i admit i have done that to my younger brother a few times :P gotta let them know whos top

[Deleted]

The best thing you can do when you're being compared to your brother is just telling them straight up that you're not him. You're a completely different person, there's no doubt that you're better at some things than he is (just like there are things at which he's better than you), but maybe you just haven't found it yet.
I know the situation, except I'm the older brother 'setting the high standards'. Luckily my parents realise that we're different and they don't expect him to be just like me.

[Deleted]

The best thing you can do when you're being compared to your brother is just telling them straight up that you're not him. You're a completely different person, there's no doubt that you're better at some things than he is (just like there are things at which he's better than you), but maybe you just haven't found it yet.
I know the situation, except I'm the older brother 'setting the high standards'. Luckily my parents realise that we're different and they don't expect him to be just like me.

Actually we are pretty similar and that's the problem. There is a lot to compare. I know I am average or little bit over, but not top few %s.

[Firebert]

As an older brother, I openly admit that my younger brother, even though he may have been in my shadow, is ultimately a better person than I am.

[buck008]

My brother was lucky in that our skills were so different even if our personalities were close. I was smarter, but he was a far better athlete. He got to go to college for free because of it, so I think he won.

[Deleted]

IQ means nothing - it measures skills which make you suited to be a master at maths/physics, by no means is it a measure of intellect. That aside you should kill said sibling, then you will get all the attention.

[Melanieshaman]

My brother was an athlete, super popular (could have at least been a all star collegiate basketball player, got good grades, etc. Now he has (i think) 5 kids, with 5 different girls, and (for another reason i won't get into here) he now rots in prison for (i think) 10 years??? possibly more.


has nothing to do with his kids.

[Deleted]

im the i guess brainy guy and my younger brother is the sporty guy...actually all of em was, no more school for both of us

anyway for both of us we were actually expected to excel in both areas even though we were the top at that period in respective areas, which being our personality we could never do. silly parents :/

[Devolution]

My little sister is vastly better at school and relationships than I am. She has had a steady significant other for 8 years, and she is going into med school with a 4.0 gpa, and let's just say mine wasn't that high. However, I've realized now I don't want to be like her. I enjoy my more lax, less-stressed way of life. I probably will contribute less to society than she will, but I'm a good person and I make people happy, so that's getting me closer to my own happiness.

[Zaelsino]

As an older brother, I openly admit that my younger brother, even though he may have been in my shadow, is ultimately a better person than I am.

Right there with you. All the way.

Still, maybe it's a bit early to be despairing, OP. What he's got (the family unit, the big house, the large paycheck) are simply things people are naturally going to respect... particularly that last thing. That's just how it is.

[Theodon]

IQ means nothing - it measures skills which make you suited to be a master at maths/physics, by no means is it a measure of intellect. That aside you should kill said sibling, then you will get all the attention.

Although we both know that last part was 100% joke, this is the internet, and you never know.....

I think if you were going to compete with anyone then your older brother is likely the best choice. Assuming your relationship with him was good, he shouldn't hate or take advantage of you if you don't manage to succeed. If he did then he wouldn't be much of a brother to begin with.

Your relationship with him deteoriated due to that competing, as you said, and I would say that you may want to just work on getting that back if you can. It's possible that he saw some unjustified hostility from you, and you saw him trying to 1 up you to humiliate you, but you may both be victims of the same, external problem of parents forcing you to compete with each other to a fault. He's your brother and his success should put him in an excellent position to help you to succeed too. It's what brothers do for each other

[Dragore]

To be honest...get over it. You are comparing yourself with your brother to much, be your own self. Time to man up, no one likes a emo kid : /

[Deleted]

Who cares how other people define success?! You've got to figure out your personal definition of success. Discover what accomplishments would make you happy and feel content looking back on. Set some ambitions realistic for you, whether its getting a career in a field you are passionate about (money isn't everything in a job), finding a loving partner or just being happy with who you are, not what other people think you should be. Only you can define how successful your life has been upon reflection.

Other people's expectations and prejudices be damned! You live your life for you, and the light you generate for yourself will banish any shadows cast by other people.

[Bathory]

Yeah similar situation here. When you talk to people do they always ask "Oh how's your brother doing?" before they ask "oh how are you doing"

/middlechildsyndrome

[Rhyseh]

IQ means nothing - it measures skills which make you suited to be a master at maths/physics, by no means is it a measure of intellect. That aside you should kill said sibling, then you will get all the attention.

IQ measures your ability to learn and problem solve. It does not exclusively apply to maths/physics, especially when you consider the fact that IQ tests do not test knowledge in any way (both are subjects which require knowledge).

IQ does mean something. It means that with an IQ of 155 (depending on the IQ numbering system we are using here) the OP's brother is able to identify patterns and learn new information better than 99% of the population. IQ is a measure of intelligence in it's purest form, however it is not a measure of knowledge. As a result someone could possess a high IQ, however can come across as quite stupid due to the fact that they don't know very much.

To many people intelligence also includes knowledge and practical skills. In this sense IQ means a higher potential for success in some of these areas. I would say that individual attitude and personality is a greater factor when it comes to real world success than simply possessing a high IQ, however a high IQ means that an individuals potential for success is higher.

There is a reason why psychologists still classify the two ends of the intellectual spectrum using IQ. If you've ever worked or associated with people from both ends of the spectrum then it becomes very hard to dismiss the IQ system as meaningless. A person with an IQ of 75 could never be a doctor.

OT: Different strokes for different folks. Don't try and follow or compete with your brother, this kind of rivalry rarely ends positively.