What to do in a bad situation.

[doranians]

So I got a call from my sister last night that my mom has emphysema. On top of that there are other issues going on with my parents since I moved away, (its just my mom and dad together now) My dad is refusing to take her to the hospital, spending most his time out with one of her co-workers.

My parents fight, argue, and have had problems since as long as I can remember, (If you have seen Chronicles imagine that situation)

Eventually we got her to the hospital and got her meds for this issue, however, both of them still smoke...its stupid. Now that they are 50 I would hope that they would be more wise then this. Unless I want to just let my mom die, I need to do something. The women my dad is seeing is painting my mom in bad light, and my dad being the emotionally driven person he is has started lash out at my mom for the issues they had in their past, this cant happen cuz one more punch from him and she could die in her current state.

My mom is a fool, irresponsible and at times have been unfaithful, I do not blame my father for hating her but I can not let them continue to act like kids and ruin both their lives.

So I ask you mmochamp, how do I save these people? They have no money, they are living off the paycheck of a gas station worker. They wont stop smoking, they wont stop fighting, and it seems a death will soon come of it.

I think its destiny for me and my dad to fight, he wont accept anything as he sees me as a child still. Me becoming the new alpha in the family, I will need prove that I am now in charge and up to putting a stop to this for both their sakes.
I cant get the law involved, it would ruin them more then it already has.

Today im going there, taking their smokes, and destroying them, I am not there to talk, im there to act. If they feel the need to retaliate I will fight. I will return every few days to inspect the house, and question the situation. I will demand they co-operate with my demands or face the law. My family will hate me, but its for their own good.

What is your opinion on all this?

[Darsithis]

Moved to Off-Topic

[Tanker]

During the final 9 days of my mother's life, I pumped anough morphine into her to kill a herd of elephants. I remember the day, 30 years prior, when I asked her to stop smoking. Cancer is very ugly. Only denial keeps a person smoking. Once you have seen them wither away, and pumped the pain dope in, you have a new perspective. Sadly, once that moment comes for the victim, it is far too late.

Take a bat. Hit your father with it. Hire a lawyer. Have your mother divorce him. She can live with you under your rules. Stop being a Dear Abby letter. It seems as if you care more for your mother than father. Save one of them. You cannot save both.

If none of the above can work for you, then you have to accept that they will die a rough death and be unhappy. The world is filled with people unable to take charge of their lives. Sad you might be the child of two such people. Bury them, learn from their mistakes, and move on.

[Deleted]

sadly you wont win. if they want to smoke they will smoke, if they want to fight they will fight. You cant watch them 24/7 and from the sound of it they wont put up with it for long either. On the flip side i aggree you cant sit back and do nothing if you want to live with yourself later.

Good luck is all i can wish for you. Your in an impossible situation and there is no right answer to solve all these problems.

[Deleted]

My advice would be, try your best but if they won't listen or change, get yourself out of there. Top priority should always be you. I know it's extremely hard when families are involved but it sounds like a very stressful situation which in turn could make you ill, trying to save two people who sound too far gone to be saved. If they won't try to wise up when you tell them to let them get on with it. Best of luck to you anyway bud.

[Bosen]

You can tell them your opinion, and that's it. You destroying their cigarettes or taking any physical action against them won't help. It's their life. They can do with it what they want, and they are. It's sad and you can tell them you are sad for them. Focus on your health.

I know that has to feel horrible, and I'm sorry you have to face this situation.