Helping People

[Xl House lX]

Ok people of MMO-C, I have a dilemma and want your input, don't care if its flaming, positive, or negative feedback. With that said, let me continue.

A little background on my friend before we get into this, he is 24 years old, works a minimum wage job at around 35-38 hours per week, and owns his own home. (He doesn't make payments on it, it is his.) Me and one other person pay rent to him, $300 each, and has a girlfriend who is still married with 3 children. He lives in basically a trailer, and has a shitty ass yard he doesn't take care of.

My "friend" makes... bad decisions. Very bad decisions. He dates girls that use him for all the wrong reasons, and it is SO OBVIOUS to everyone except him. In his eyes, he is in the perfect, most beautiful relationship he has ever know. He has sold his truck in the past for 2 shitty ass cars, one for him and the other to his drug shooting stripper girlfriend (no joke on this one, seriously.) A week later he broke up with her and he got fucked.

So now he is dating a 28 year old girl he met online, who is still married, and has 3 children from 2 other daddies. She does work, and she does have a car. She apparently only has 1 final divorce paper to sign before she is officially divorced from her old husband, and left him because he wanted an open relationship. Now she and him actually look through facebook at age appropriate girls and see if they are "worthy" for having threesomes. Yeah, really. And she is "leaving" her husband cause he has an open relationship and she does this shit. His outside of appearance of his property makes him look like trailer trash and all our neighbors make fun of him, and when you try to help him, he has this rebellious attitude, like "I don't care what they think" and just adds on to what people were complaining to him about just to piss them off more.

So to the main point, you cannot help my friend. If you do, he gets offended and just does whatever it is your trying to prevent him to do even more and there is nothing you can do. Like he has these random orange street cones in the front yard, and I told him the neighbors made fun of him, he responded, "I don't give a fuck, I'll go get 30 more cones and spell 'Thank you' on them. What would you do? I am planning on moving out anyways cause he wants me out, but what should I do in the meantime?

[Deleted]

It sounds hard...but the only 'help' I can think of is letting him fall. Afterwards he'll understand what went wrong and what his mistakes were. Atleast that's what I think.

[Jackmoves]

I wouldn't care what the neighbours thought of your friend, it's of little to no importance. I mean what does it matter if some randoms make fun of his front yard?

It doesn't seem too bad, he works at least. I'd be more concerned if the didn't do anything or were shooting drugs with his stripper gf, as far as his gfs goes... he's only 24 he will probably go through a few (shitty) relationships until he finds someone worth holding on to with nails and teeth. Some people need to learn by experiencing things a few times.

[vizzle]

Leave and never look back before you get sucked into it. Can't help people like that.

[crica]

Go "clean" the yard if it's bothering you - you live there too, don't you? Don't complain about something if you are not willing to change it yourself, imo.

I am quite sure he won't care if you clean it up - and if he is not breaking the law or harming anyone, what his yard looks like really DOESN'T matter at all beyond aesthetics...

As far as who he dates, that's his choice, not yours, and his partners have nothing to do with you - let him learn on his own, that way he can decide what he does or does not want in a partner from experiance - experiance is the best teacher.

He is working full time - what he does in his off time, as long as it doesn't harm anyone nor break any laws, is his business.

If you are not enjoying him as a friend or as a room-mate, then move out and move on, but stop trying to be his momma.

That's my two cents.

[Deleted]

If your friend refuses to see the bad, then there's not really much you can do except be there to catch him when he falls, which he probably will. That's when you make sure he knows what a fucking idiot he can be sometimes.

Tough love works.

[Deleted]

Live your own life, why you concerned about who your friend is dating?> maybe you need to have a serious think about why you care

[Deleted]

Leave and never look back before you get sucked into it. Can't help people like that.

As harsh as it may sound, this is very true. It's a very unhealthy friendship and if he isn't prepared to grow up and value the better judgement and helpful advice you're giving him, it's probably for the best if you work on moving out and finding somewhere you can truly feel comfortable.

[Deleted]

Live your own life, why you concerned about who your friend is dating?> maybe you need to have a serious think about why you care

Because he cares for his friend?

I would be (and have been) worried for any friend that were living a destructive life with someone who wasn't good for him.

If you can't understand that, then I'm not so sure that you have any close friends.

[Deleted]

Whilst caring for friends is a noble pursuit, you can cause yourself a lot of harm by trying to make them see sense. Sometimes you just need to let go of the ones repeatedly dragging you down and ignoring good advice when it is given and needed. It's the same with any abusive relationship - you may feel obligated to stick by someone you've come to care for, but if they've changed for the worse and show no drive to work out their problems, then it's best to get out fast.

[bhcmoney]

i would have to say walk away

[Xl House lX]

Live your own life, why you concerned about who your friend is dating?> maybe you need to have a serious think about why you care

Hes my brother. Wanted to give him a little discretion lol.

[Deleted]

Some people are beyond help, he is one of them. Let him be, eventually he will realise his faults (and maybe not ).

Ah just saw that he is your bro. Well then you can only try to speak and reason with him, explain stuff to him, but when he refuses all the help.... you cant do much. good luck tho.