What is the main trigger for a divorce?

[kondura]

Im frankly surprised any men get married at all anymore given the slew of potential pitfalls with only one or two real benefits.

I won't ever get married again. I got married too young. So, I agree with this. I'm a hedonist and if I can get away with a bit of spice on the side, I do it. Simple as that.

[shootyadead]

The point I was trying to make was that a "marriage ceremony" itself should have no impact on the relationship if it was fine to begin with. The relationship shouldn't change just because the marital status does.

[Shadylol]

Really curious about your enlightening explanation.

The idea that everyone is so free, and can do whatever they want as long as they try is just the current younger generation's dogma

[shootyadead]

The idea that everyone is so free, and can do whatever they want as long as they try is just the current younger generation's dogma

That makes me think about the crap going on in my kids school system. The whole "there is no winner" sports contests. How can you have a game without a winner. The idea that everyone wins just puts the idea into kids heads that they'll succeed no matter what they do, which in turn promotes laziness. I know that while I was growing up, if there was a game of some kind, you damn well wanted to be on the winning team. If you weren't on the winning team you can bet your ass that you tried even harder the next time to make sure you didn't feel the sting of defeat the next time. A little demoralizing sure, but it promoted and supported hard work. Sorry didn't mean to derail the thread, that just popped in there after reading the quoted comment.

[Knight Gil]

People are selfish, cowards and lazy. They'd rather jump from partner to partner than sort their own problems. They're too proud to recognize their own mistakes. They always want to be on the recieving end of the bargain. They look for an unrealistic combination of traits on their partners. Too much focus on the sex and too few on the cooperation and friendship part of the relationship. Jealousy. Lack of honesty.

Those are probably the reasons why most relationship fails, not only marriage.

[Shadylol]

That makes me think about the crap going on in my kids school system. The whole "there is no winner" sports contests. How can you have a game without a winner. The idea that everyone wins just puts the idea into kids heads that they'll succeed no matter what they do, which in turn promotes laziness. I know that while I was growing up, if there was a game of some kind, you damn well wanted to be on the winning team. If you weren't on the winning team you can bet your ass that you tried even harder the next time to make sure you didn't feel the sting of defeat the next time. A little demoralizing sure, but it promoted and supported hard work. Sorry didn't mean to derail the thread, that just popped in there after reading the quoted comment.

I agree 100%. One of the reasons I regret not being able to pay for Private School

It's just not a good way to prepare people for real life. There are those who will stop at nothing to get ahead, and the whole "everyone get a trophy" mentality just doesn't set kids up to succeed in real life

[Army Dreamer]

Her mom.

10chars

[Deleted]

In my opinion, when people get married they do it to enforce and show their love for each other, that's what i think.

What i also think is that when people marry, they are like unstoppable and nothing can separate them, they will have no problems, no secrets, etc. This is all a lie and that's also why people divorce. Yes some people get married to young but that's not exactly the problem, it's the lack of maturity, the lack of understanding towards a problem they have and also the patience and desire to overcome a problem.

Basically, when people marry they think it's all good and that but it's not, people just need to be mature and try to overcome problems and be honest with each other. Personally I could never be married to a person without being fully honest with her/him, living with illusions? No thank you. That is why older couples, like our grandparents have endured so much in their marriage and overcome a big junk of problems.

[shootyadead]

I agree 100%. One of the reasons I regret not being able to pay for Private School

It's just not a good way to prepare people for real life. There are those who will stop at nothing to get ahead, and the whole "everyone get a trophy" mentality just doesn't set kids up to succeed in real life

Yeah I remember cherishing trophies I got as a kid when I excelled at something. I got my first trophy for winning a State Tae Kwon Do tournament and I used to dust/polish that trophy all the time. Now if you just give one to everyone the meaning behind it is lost and its just like "meh, whatever" and gets thrown into a box somewhere.

---------- Post added 2012-06-16 at 02:32 PM ----------

In my opinion, when people get married they do it to enforce and show their love for each other, that's what i think.

What i also think is that when people marry, they are like unstoppable and nothing can separate them, they will have no problems, no secrets, etc. This is all a lie and that's also why people divorce. Yes some people get married to young but that's not exactly the problem, it's the lack of maturity, the lack of understanding towards a problem they have and also the patience and desire to overcome a problem.

Basically, when people marry they think it's all good and that but it's not, people just need to be mature and try to overcome problems and be honest with each other. Personally I could never be married to a person without being fully honest with her/him, living with illusions? No thank you. That is why older couples, like our grandparents have endured so much in their marriage and overcome a big junk of problems.

I agree with that and expand a bit to say I think most people get married because they can stand to be around a person for extended periods of time and they equate that to being able to be married to them. Living with someone for 6 months to a year is a good thing, but it's nothing at all like marriage. Marriage is being around each other 24/7/365(6) and that's what gets to people I think.

[vizzle]

Another trigger:

Divorce Hotel

[Shadylol]

Another trigger:

Divorce Hotel

I don't think that's a trigger, but rather the product of having such a high divorce rate

Unless your point was that the ease of getting divorced is a trigger, in which case I'd say it's obviously true that the easier it is, the more people will do it, but ultimately, the difficulty level of a divorce doesn't effect weather or not a relationship will fail

[Lilfrier]

This is something I feel rather strongly on, I think, so the way I word this is going to come off as harsh.

Society (yep, blaming society, shocker!) has turned marriage into a total joke. It's no longer a commitment, just just a stepping stone to divorce on the list of generic life experiences for people anymore, it seems. People get married because it's allegedly what you're "supposed to do," but they do so with no real desire to put effort into the relationship. At the first sign of trouble (and by trouble, I mean someone didn't get more milk before they ran out--not literally, but trivial things in general), people bail on the marriage. When I hear things about people who want to divorce and stay friends, I cringe. Getting divorced is supposed to be the result of a marriage broken beyond repair because someone has done something extremely bad, like cheating on a spouse.

Marriage simply isn't valued anymore. It's seen as a way to get more money from the government, I guess. You see crap like a Kim Kardashian wedding that is just pathetic, and since people use folks like the Kardashians as role models, they follow suit. It's a pitiful thing, but society took something that was supposed to be extremely important and meaningful between a loving couple and turned it into something common and meaningless. Divorce is so frequent because there's no thought behind marriage and its meaning and people are unwilling to try in a relationship. I mean, heck, it's almost like marriage today is the dating of previous generations--you hook up, marry, and if you don't like the person 6 months later, get divorced because it's no big deal.

Man, society nowadays is a really broken, stupid mess.

[vizzle]

I don't think that's a trigger, but rather the product of having such a high divorce rate

Unless your point was that the ease of getting divorced is a trigger, in which case I'd say it's obviously true that the easier it is, the more people will do it, but ultimately, the difficulty level of a divorce doesn't effect weather or not a relationship will fail

My point was that people would see how silly it is and laugh with it alongside me, but I guess not.

[Shadylol]

My point was that people would see how silly it is and laugh with it alongside me, but I guess not.

Oh well, I guess it is kind of silly

It's hard to tell if people aren't being serious on Forums, sometimes. My bad

[soulinger]

this one is an easy answer.... OPTIONS! ( the ability to have choices )

[skrump]

My guess would be because people get married at a immature age or because they get married before they get to really know the person they want to marry.

and to be honest if you think you know someone intimately without first living with them for several years chances are you are wrong, so getting married will most likely end in divorce unless both parties look at marriage itself as a moral obligation/contract that shouldn't be broken on a whim.

Sadly few people these days realize that marriage is about doing your best to make your partner happy while at the same time learning to live with their flaws, so the chances of 2 people who share that mentality getting married are slim to none.

[Deleted]

My guess would be because people get married at a immature age or because they get married before they get to really know the person they want to marry.

and to be honest if you think you know someone intimately without first living with them for several years chances are you are wrong, so getting married will most likely end in divorce unless both parties look at marriage itself as a moral obligation/contract that shouldn't be broken on a whim.

Sadly few people these days realize that marriage is about doing your best to make your partner happy while at the same time learning to live with their flaws, so the chances of 2 people who share that mentality getting married are slim to none.

Problem is that a lot of people divorce exactly because they don't want to live with partners that have some kind of flaw, something they can't stand, a stupid thing really, so they divorce, act like children, fight for no reason, people now a days don't understand that when you get married, YOU have to be able live with the person you love, that you LOVE, to be able to stand for their stupidity and mistakes and everything else, and people don't do that anymore or never did tbh i dont even know..

This also applies to couples that aren't married, this applies to everyone that is in a relationship with someone else. For example the person B loves the person A, but for no reason the B doesn't have the patient and effort to overcome the problems they face and instead just give up for no reason, thus LOOSING their love, the person that could he/she could spend the rest of his/her life!!! I don't get some people on this matter really, just giving up for no reasons and because of a childish behavior, it's... amazing really....

[Deleted]

cheating..

[Deleted]

Probably cheating.