Friend advice.

[Deleted]

I don't usually do threads like this (Or any thread at all), but considering what has happened I'm pretty worried and need some advice.

The thing is, a good friend of mine put a status on Facebook yesterday saying 'Back the f*ck off'. I didn't think much of it, and went to work as usual. When I got back, however, I saw that he removed me from Facebook and doesn't respond to any of the messages I send to him. I asked his girlfriend about this, she said she didn't know either (Big help there.)

He's a really great friend and I don't want to lose him over something silly, so please help? =\

[StaeleAilar]

If you want advice youre going to need to put up more about what the hell "back the f**k off" is in reference to. What have you done for him to post this and for you to feel it is about you?

[Citrustree]

Did he remove other friends as well?

[Deleted]

Well, that's kind of the point, I had no clue what it was about and wanted to ask him after work. (It was posted about 5 minutes before I left) I feel it could be about me because me and his girlfriend get along well (Not in that way, I have my own girlfriend and would never think of stealing his), better than me and him.

Edit: Citrustree: Can't see, his profile is not open to general public, which I now am.

---------- Post added 2012-06-23 at 10:50 AM ----------

I have to go to work now, I hope I hear something from him or his girlfriend sometime today. Thanks for the help if anything happens to get posted.

[Deleted]

Try giving him some time. It's really harsh and you're not gonna like me saying this, but usually the best thing to do is let him get some time to himself. IF he's still interrested in a friendship he'll come back automatically, depending on your history together.

Most of the time, people have weird outbursts and reactions to certain things, but if your relationship is meant to dig deep, you'll be able to deal with the time apart easilly and he'll come back again and either demand you excuse some behavior that he's displeased with, or apologize for behaving the way he did and explain why. Trying to mend something is the worst thing you can do. You know the saying "The ball is in his court now"?. Well, he just snatched the ball, and if he wishes to be friends with you, he'll toss it to you eventually.

A sad thing to say for me, and I can imagine sad for you to read, but from a guy who's worked for a teen hotline for suicidals and generally troubled teens, this is what my past experience has taught me.

Edit: Oh, I'll throw you some 'warnings' along aswell btw.

1: Do NOT seek contact with his friends and/or Girlfriend about the situration. Trust me, eventually one will tell him you're inquiring about it, and if he's experiencing some emotional instability, it'll sting very, very hard.
2: I'm only speculating ofcourse, but I think the reason he took away your ability to contact him is because he wishes to have the leverage on communication. I would advice, however, as a precaution that you investigate (WITHOUT Utilizing) if there's other means you can contact him. Chances are, if he WISHES to be contacted, he's subconciously left a door open or a clue somewhere about it and wants you to find it. Analyze your findings and see if it appears as so. If all you come across is "Go to his house" or "Call his phone" then that's far from enough, but do you guys have a personal communication you use exclusively for eachother? Like, secret mail adresses or something of the likes? Chances are, if he REALLY wishes to 'hold the ball' he's aware of those ways of communication and has blocked them aswell. If he wishes contact, they're most likely still open.
3: Respect his behavior. You may not agree that whatever the issue is, this is the best way to handle it, but do NOT try to lecture or display inagreement with it, because he's fully aware of what he's doing, and it's his job to determine weither HE believes it to be right or wrong. It could be exactly what he needs right now for various reasons, so even if you don't think so, be respectful that it's how HE feels.

Hope it helped!

[Letmesleep]

Kinda what Ksaperio said, if you try to brute force your way back into the relationship, it'll just make him angrier. When people tell you to leave them alone, you should respect it. I'd suggest sending him a text saying "Hey, I know you're upset, but I care about you and if you want to, I'm willing to talk about what's going on whenever you feel up to it." Now the ball is in his court, but he doesn't feel like you don't care and are just as fine as he is to ditch the relationship. Things are complicated with my family, and often they will text me things like this. They give me space, but they also let me know they still care.

[Meital]

Maybe back off a little bit, for a week or so give him time to cool down and then speak with him.

Asking him and his girlfriend now when he seems to want space will only make him feel even worse I think.

[Deleted]

Give him a day then... call him on the phone, you know, like friends do, talk on phones?

[Stir]

Yeah... Don't get me wrong, but:
If he's a real friend, Arnorei gave some good advice: Call him up. Give him a few days, call him up and talk it over.

If you only know him through the internet... Well; maybe you have different expectations than he does? Maybe you feel that he's a really good friend, while he is getting tired of being constantly messaged by you about all sorts of trivialities? This is just speculating, of course, but you wouldn't be the first person to be cut off because of something like this if it were true.

[Molyneux]

Any reply to you is going to be speculation. There is absolutely no context here.

[khalypso]

Try giving him some time. It's really harsh and you're not gonna like me saying this, but usually the best thing to do is let him get some time to himself. IF he's still interrested in a friendship he'll come back automatically, depending on your history together.

Most of the time, people have weird outbursts and reactions to certain things, but if your relationship is meant to dig deep, you'll be able to deal with the time apart easilly and he'll come back again and either demand you excuse some behavior that he's displeased with, or apologize for behaving the way he did and explain why. Trying to mend something is the worst thing you can do. You know the saying "The ball is in his court now"?. Well, he just snatched the ball, and if he wishes to be friends with you, he'll toss it to you eventually.

A sad thing to say for me, and I can imagine sad for you to read, but from a guy who's worked for a teen hotline for suicidals and generally troubled teens, this is what my past experience has taught me.

Edit: Oh, I'll throw you some 'warnings' along aswell btw.

1: Do NOT seek contact with his friends and/or Girlfriend about the situration. Trust me, eventually one will tell him you're inquiring about it, and if he's experiencing some emotional instability, it'll sting very, very hard.
2: I'm only speculating ofcourse, but I think the reason he took away your ability to contact him is because he wishes to have the leverage on communication. I would advice, however, as a precaution that you investigate (WITHOUT Utilizing) if there's other means you can contact him. Chances are, if he WISHES to be contacted, he's subconciously left a door open or a clue somewhere about it and wants you to find it. Analyze your findings and see if it appears as so. If all you come across is "Go to his house" or "Call his phone" then that's far from enough, but do you guys have a personal communication you use exclusively for eachother? Like, secret mail adresses or something of the likes? Chances are, if he REALLY wishes to 'hold the ball' he's aware of those ways of communication and has blocked them aswell. If he wishes contact, they're most likely still open.
3: Respect his behavior. You may not agree that whatever the issue is, this is the best way to handle it, but do NOT try to lecture or display inagreement with it, because he's fully aware of what he's doing, and it's his job to determine weither HE believes it to be right or wrong. It could be exactly what he needs right now for various reasons, so even if you don't think so, be respectful that it's how HE feels.

Hope it helped!

^ Probably the best advice you're gonna get. Was going to say something similar.

[suttie]

So call him, text him, pay him a visit? Or can you only contact your really good friend over Facebook?

[TheBeardedOne]

Forget him and move on, Life is way to short to spend another second worrying over some over emotional and irrational person. Sure you don't want to loose friends but after this the friendship will never be what it used to be or be the same again, never no matter what you do. NEVER!