Parents letting their child sleep with their partners debate

[Lilfrier]

My parents had a rule that I wasn't allowed to have any female in my room after 11:30PM while I lived under their roof. They were very serious about this rule and they thought it would be their way of making it more difficult for me to have sex, they were extremely wrong. Teenagers find ways around shit (not that it is difficult). After sixteen you as a parent have to accept the fact that they will be "open" to things such as sex and alcohol.

In my opinion the best thing is to make sure your kid is being safe, that is really all you can do. Threats of punishment bait kids into doing things and it makes you the enemy. The other week I attended a graduation party, you know who was chaperoning? The parents of one of the teenagers. They were not drinking or partying with the kids, they were simply there to make sure no one drove home drunk or got taken advantage of. You know what? The next morning there was no bullshit drama which usually always follows a party. Now this example cannot be used for sex (a parent can't watch over making sure their kid is using a condom); however, telling your kid that you are not stupid and that you know it could happen will make you seem understanding and perhaps they will take your advice. Rather than "my parents are assholes, no condom!" (fucked up logic, eh?)

It's 2:00AM and I am rambling, hopefully you get the point.

That's a terrible parent, not joking in the slightest. If the parent's chaperoning underage drinking, I honestly would be pleased to see a cop show up there and arrest that parent. That is an abhorrent thing to teach kids--breaking the law is totally OK. Next thing you know, those kids from that party are watching their kids and kids' friends while they do lines of cocaine. The next generation, they're on meth.

Yes, I'm exaggerating and it's not necessarily like that, but it slowly creapps that way. I wouldn't be surprised if that actually was going on in 20-30 years. People keep saying it's going to happen anyway, so they accept it. It's why morals are going by the wayside so drastically in the world.

[pimpeddakota]

Because you were like that at that age everyone else automatically is right?

OT: When I was about 15 my mum gave me this thing of condoms and a book which explained a lot about sex (yes at 15 you know what youve seen in porn and heard from mates but realistically all of that is a world away from the real thing). People will have sex and as long as they are protected there is nothing harmful about it. It's natural and good parents should accept that. We still have phobia of sexuality from religion and it's rediculous and it's about time it was done away with and we accepted something natural that does no harm to anyone.

WOW great assumption of making yourself look like a dumbass like you know me.

No in fact I waited till I was 21 to lose my virginity to a girl that I thought I loved since that is what I was waiting for. Either way young adults don't know much about themselves at that age if they've been living under their parents roof not really taking care of themselves. Now those 16 year olds that have horrible parents and had to take care of themselves are much more mature then my previous statement.

[crica]

teaching an adolescent how to be responsible and safe during their consenting sexual encounters will enrich their lives MUCH more then trying to keep an adolescent from having sex at all

[freelapdance]

Any two adults engaged in safe consensual sex is a natural and fun activity.

Spot on. Seriously sex is one of those taboo issues. People are GOING to have sex. Also to kids if you say don't do something then they are probably more likely to want to actually do it. No pun intended .... Sort of.

[vizzle]

I am sorry but what is exactly wrong with doing it? Its natural, healthy and a vital part of relationships.

I know I think a lot "older" than most MMO-Champers, which is why I get in so many debates here... but, I just feel that I'd like to raise my kids to know that sex is a big thing, and not just something they should do just because they get horny. If you teach them from a young age that sex is a monumental decision, you'll have less chance of having teen moms and dads, and it'll make it better for them when they finally do decide to do it.

[haxartus]

The funny thing is that the girls who end up pregnant are usually the ones who are considered by their parents as "perfect angels" and would "never do such a thing".

[Lilfrier]

WTF?
Sex is a natural thing in life. It's why we exsist. WHy all the tabou?
Ofcourse I would let all of my children sleep with their partner. Would aswell provide condoms and other type of protection. Would aswell discuss the matter and how important protection is not only to prevent unwanted pregnency but diseases too.
I can not see any reason to prevent people to express their love. How horrible.

Edit
And why are you guys comparing sex with drugs and alcohol? This is insane, why would it be a bad thing to have sex?

I don't think you quite understand sex. For starters, having sex isn't why we exist, that's an insane thought process.

Second, the idea of sex as a natural process is for the sake of reproduction. If you're providing condoms, you're interfering with what you just said you're trying to defend/condone. Sex is meant as a means of reproduction, so by saying "it's natural," you SHOULD be encouraging them to get pregnant. You'll say they're too young to do that, and I'll counter that they're too young to have sex, because the point of sex is SUPPOSED to be about reproduction (but, as my statement about the deteriorating morals of society suggests, we've now made it a hobby).

Contradict yourself, have fun with that.

[Ovacor]

Sex doesn't have to happen. That's a weak assumpion.

As for that argument of "they'll do it anyway, so let them do it here," how sensible is that? For starters, if you raise the kid to have any kind of morals and self respect, I'd hope the kid WOULDN'T be doing that stuff at 16. Half the time kids do stupid stuff, it's for the sake of feeling independent and being a "rebel." IF you give the kid the OK to sleep with a partner in the house, then the kid's going to OF COURSE try to find the limit and sneak around donig something worse. This mindset leads to the relaxed morals of society, in my opinion. When you stop treating teen pregnancy like a bad thing (by rewarding kids with a freaking TV show of it), then you make that activity seem OK. Then kids elect to take it a step further. That's just how kids always are, they look for the limits to the rules, then try to stretch it a little bit at a time.

One comparison? Cursing. When I was younger, kids didn't really curse a whole heck of a lot, at least not that I noticed (I went to a Christian school, and a small one at that, so I am not the barometer of general societal function). Nowadays, you have reports of kids treating authority figuires like garbage and videos of it being on the Internet. Kids are more and more fearless when treating adults like garbage. It's because parents are lazy when it comes to punishment, and society frowns on any parent that restricts the behavior of a kid, so kids dang near get away with murder growing up.

The second you give in with thoughts of "the kid will do it nayway," I honestly think you've failed as a parent. You're basically saying you want to supervise your kid's bad decisions, rather than try to prevent them. You're telling the kid that sleeping with a partner at 16 is totally acceptable. Then they'll be like "this is boring, let's sneak out and have sex." Then you're watching your kid's kid while the kid goes to his high school classes.

Both sides of the argument has a valid point; however, oppressing something like sex is never a good thing. At sixteen years old your kid (regardless of what "morals" they have) would consider sex given the opportunity. I do not believe the proper argument is to LET them have sex, instead the true issue is to not be a total asshole and tell your kid to simply not do it. Instead make sure they know what could happen, make sure they are using safety etc. That is literally all you can do...If your kid wants to try something, if they really truly do, they will find the opportunity to do it. This does not make it "right", it is just how it is and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it aside from sheltering your kid from the world.

[Gracin]

After I embarrassed the hell out of them, so there was no way they were going to have sex under my roof then yes I would.

[crica]

If you teach them from a young age that sex is a monumental decision

This will only last until they have sex for the first time - then they will realize you were blowing hot air

teaching them to be responsible and safe during their consenting sexual encounters will last their lifetime, however

[Sound911]

I think it's okay as long as there is no breaking of the law and the people involved know what they're doing. In AUS Sex is legal at 16+ so if they are both over 16 and are in a relationship and in love( LOL love at a teen age...) etc etc then it should be OK.

Some teenagers like myself are responsible and are not idiots like the masses which give us all a bad name.

PS: Not every teenager is a sex addicted alcoholic pill popping drug abusing f*ckwit. - There are a small number of us which are somewhat normal(lol), it's just the fact that a large number of teenagers are complete idiots, and tend to give us all a bad name.

- I am 18, however a lot of my friends are still 16-17 and even though I am a very shy guy I know what happens and I know how idiotic some people can be.


Also, comparing sex to illegal drugs is just stupid...

[Splatter]

No, if they are a kid still they shouldn't be sleeping together in my opinion. I would be like, "you guys can't sleep in the same bed together," and make one go to a different bed. If they are an adult I would mind my own business.

My parents did that when i was younger. It was completely stupid as it didn't stop me and my g/f from getting it on. We slept in the same bed at her parents house. Sleeping in the same bed built a more mature relationship I think and made sex more responsible and less of a taboo subject. I think its terribly naieve of parents to think not letting them sleep in the same bed will stop them having sex. If they are wanting to sleep in the same bed there is a fairly high chance they have already had sex, alot. Better that they are safe and responsible than to have unwanted prenancy or other issues.

[Ovacor]

That's a terrible parent, not joking in the slightest. If the parent's chaperoning underage drinking, I honestly would be pleased to see a cop show up there and arrest that parent. That is an abhorrent thing to teach kids--breaking the law is totally OK. Next thing you know, those kids from that party are watching their kids and kids' friends while they do lines of cocaine. The next generation, they're on meth.

Yes, I'm exaggerating and it's not necessarily like that, but it slowly creapps that way. I wouldn't be surprised if that actually was going on in 20-30 years. People keep saying it's going to happen anyway, so they accept it. It's why morals are going by the wayside so drastically in the world.

Sorry, I see your point but that was a quantum leap. I fail to see how them making sure kids are safe is "terrible parenting". In fact one of my friends busted out some weed and they got kind of pissed off (which I thought was incredibly hypocritical but whatever). Comparing alcohol to cocaine and meth is probably the silliest thing I have heard today, cocaine is WAY too expensive.

Also, had we not had the party there we likely would have gone to someone else's house where the parents wouldn't have given a shit. I walked into the party and they demanded my car keys, otherwise I was not getting in.

Also also, when I say "kids" I am not talking 15 or 16, I am talking 19 to 20, still underage but in all honesty the drinking age is complete bullshit in this country.

[Deleted]

I don't think you quite understand sex. For starters, having sex isn't why we exist, that's an insane thought process.

My mind was blown, you imply that the Stork handed you to your parents?

[crica]

My mind was blown, you imply that the Stork handed you to your parents?

the poster meant that having sex is not our purpose in life - as if the poster was the grand puba of all knowledge of the purpose of life... hehe

no one knows what the purpose of life is - all we can know is what we can DO while alive...

[Sand Person]

No. Sex and crack are 2 completely different things. Sex is going to happen. Like it or not. Drugs DONT have to happen. There is a difference

so where's the line? plus, sex can be even more dangerous than drugs. there's this thing called aids. and condoms are not 100%. you want your kid to take that chance?

[vizzle]

This will only last until they have sex for the first time - then they will realize you were blowing hot air

teaching them to be responsible and safe during their consenting sexual encounters will last their lifetime, however

Well I was taught that way, and I enjoy having a girlfriend instead of random hookups every time I go to a bar.

[strossus001]

For the last sub-1% of human history, puberty has not meant able to breed.

[Lora]

This is one thing that infuriates me. People treat sex as some unholy wicked acted because of that horrible R word. It's fucking silly. If I were a parent I would allow my kid to have their partner sleep with them provided they are of age. They are going to have sex, like it or not that is a fact. Better they have it somewhere safe then venture out into the woods and get mauled by a bear because Hitler dad would not allow his kid to bring home their partner. The gender of my child would not affect my decision. Having sets of rules that are different for different genders just makes you a fucking hypocrite. Sex is natural and healthy and its fun. You know it. They know it. Everyone knows it. Stop trying to prevent fun just because you weren't allowed to.

[Calibar]

Yes, I see nothing wrong with it. If they're 18, they're in adult, they make decisions and they'll deal with the consequences, parents won't be around to spoil their child forever. 18 is a late age (imo) to let go of your child and let them actually experience the world. Freaking turtles do it the second they hatch. Won't really teach morals, but then again, pissing them off won't really teach anymore morals either.

Did you really just compare human beings to turtles?