Thread: Childfree.

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  1. #1

    Question Childfree.

    I'm now 23 years old, and many people are now starting to bring up the subject of kids. I've decided that I don't want them. Ever. I do not want them, never felt the need for them, and by the biological clock, natural instinct argument, I should be going crazy for it about now. I'm not. There are aside from that enough people on the planet. So I am a 'childfree' person.

    I'm not saying noone should have kids at all, ever. Have kids if you want them. But don't make it the only socially accepted 'choice'. My mum looks at me funny when I tell her I don't want kids, and is saddened that she won't get grandkids. How is that my responsebility? I didn't choose to be born. I don't we her grandkids. Other people, randomly say "oh you should try and find a boyfriend, and maube get kids, it'll improve your life". And what gives them the right to say that, like they know my wishes, or my life.

    I don't have a desire to have a kid.
    I don't think I'd be a good parent, I don't have the patience or attention span for one.
    I do not -hate- kids, but I dislike being near them. They're noisy, messy, and expensive. And selfish more often then not.
    There are enough people on the planet.
    I don't want to spend my life raising I kid I don't want, or care nothing for.
    I will not change my mind.

    There are parents regretting having kids. That says something. Stigmas against women who choose career over children. We do not live in a world were procreation is needed anymore. We're free to pursue our own, personal desires over furthering the species survivability. Yet it seems to me that people are getting noisier over how women are getting 'more like men'. Pursuing careers more, being more educated, doing more 'man stuff'. So?

    TL;DR: I don't want kids of my own decision, no hate, but I don't understand why that is not a respected choice socially amongst the majority.

    There are extremists on both sides. There are normal people in-between. What do you think? Do you want kids? Do you feel 'pressured' (social or otherwise) to have kids/family? Because of religion, and the agreement to the lifestyle of said religion? Do you just love kids? What do you think of childfree people?

    PLEASE do not turn it into a religious/race-related argument! This is a very puzzling subject to me, and I want to have a civil discussion. Please respect it!
    Ty Rivellana for the sig!

  2. #2
    The Unstoppable Force RICH816's Avatar
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    I know of many adults that choose not to have kids, they tend to enjoy the extra freedom they have.

  3. #3
    If you don't like kids (and as you say, you will probably be a bad parent if you don't like kids), I don't see why you should have a kid when it most likely will trash your ''life value''.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by RICH1471 View Post
    I know of many adults that choose not to have kids, they tend to enjoy the extra freedom they have.


    Fair enough, and nice to hear. I've personally not heard of anyone doing that here.
    Ty Rivellana for the sig!

  5. #5
    Stood in the Fire Runeforged's Avatar
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    It's your choice really. Personally, I'm an only child, it would be a shame to see my family name stop at me.
    "When I was 5 years old, my mother told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, I told them they didn't understand life." - John Lennon

  6. #6
    The Unstoppable Force RICH816's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguera View Post
    Fair enough, and nice to hear. I've personally not heard of anyone doing that here.
    Where is here? The UK is pretty open minded when it comes to peoples life choices, nobody really cares if they meet a 40 something couple with no kids.

  7. #7
    It's a decision, not a mandate. While society tries to make us conform, I too am an adult that doesn't want kids. It's perfectly fine. There's various angles you could take, ie: financial, no desire, more freedom, don't think you'd be a good parent right now, etc, but the bottom line is that once you have a kid you can't go back on it, so it's smart to wait sure until you're ready, or not at all.

  8. #8
    Repeat after me: " I do not feel the biological need to reproduce, get over it."
    "If you want to control people, if you want to feed them a pack of lies and dominate them, keep them ignorant. For me, literacy means freedom." - LaVar Burton.

  9. #9
    I don't want kids either for pretty much all reason you stated and a few more.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Runeforged View Post
    It's your choice really. Personally, I'm an only child, it would be a shame to see my family name stop at me.
    Don't have kids for that reason. Have kids because you can't not.
    If you're not feeling it, then you'll do a shitty job, and it's not only your own life you're ruining then.

    To the OP: Do as you please. You have a right to have kids - not a duty. If people feel you need to justify it to them, then they should probably have a real close look at their life values - it's unhealthy to try and force your own values on everyone around you.

  11. #11
    I am Murloc! Thelxi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguera View Post
    I don't think I'd be a good parent
    I think that is a healthy reason many young people don't want to have kids. Maybe in the future you will change your mind and feel ready, maybe not.

  12. #12
    Herald of the Titans Ynna's Avatar
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    Just do whatever makes you happy. It's not like we still need to breed. There's nothing wrong with not wanting children. (Although I couldn't live with the thought of not having them myself.)
    Retired Holy Priest
    As a rule, I try to act on the internet as I would in real life. If I have offended you, feel free to point it out. Unless I meant to offend you, I will probably apologize.

  13. #13
    High Overlord Bwutty's Avatar
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    There are many flaws in your post and generally in your way of thinking but I'll talk about just one:

    "I will not change my mind."

    Wrong. 100% wrong. Just because you are currently (probably - assuming here) anti-social or dislike "serious" relationship or guys in general doesn't mean tomorrow won't be the day you meet a guy that will make your tummy tremble, your brain freeze and your heart pound. Yes, there's a chance you won't meet him soon but with the passing years your values WILL change.

    People want to be free, bound by nothing, able to do whatever they want.. But that time passes. You'll get too full of "the experience" of being on your own.. It's in human nature to make relationships and seek a partner.. Just because you don't want one now doesn't mean tomorrow you won't wake up with a whole different set of views.

    From what I know, while they are a lot of work, require effort and devotion and may cause negative feelings, if you ever have the privilege of holding your own child in your hands, the little thing you gave birth to, the outside part of you.. Believe me, You won't be thinking how messy he/she is, how expensive would be to raise a child or how you're losing your freedom.

    Just because you'd like to stand out and "not agree with every stupid person's urges" doesn't mean you should put yourself in such position. A truly free person is the one who is not bound by ANYTHING, including forbidding yourself certain ideas and feelings. If you want to be free and spend all the time you have for yourself, fine, but don't just shelf the whole "settling down, having a partner, having kids" to pursue a career forever.

    Having a career is great and makes you feel important and meaningful but at some point you'll begin to wonder if the people that find you important truly matter to you.. That's when you won't find your current thoughts in your head anymore.
    Last edited by Bwutty; 2012-06-25 at 01:03 PM.
    "Maybe we wouldn't keep getting hurt if we just expected the worst.."

    "Smiling doesn't always mean you're happy. Sometimes, it simply means you are a strong person"

  14. #14
    Epic! Blockygame's Avatar
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    Deciding not to have kids is fine, it's your choice and nobody else's business, get ready for those strangers with children that see couples without any talking behind your back, it will happen a lot.... not kidding.
    HOOKED ON DIABLOL, GOOD TIMES ARE BEING HAD

  15. #15
    I see no problems in having no kids. I wish everybody would think twice and make a list, like you did, why he or she wants kids or not.

    I have seen people having a happy life with kids but I know also a lot of people who live a perfect happy life without them.

  16. #16
    Super Moderator Venara's Avatar
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    I pretty much also think that I don't want children but I don't want do discard the possibility. Children can be very fulfilling in many ways and the whole experience of having a child is supposedly very gratifying. I like to think that you should never close a door, just in case you want to walk through it some day.
    Armory - WoW-Heroes - Kirakira kagayaku mirai no hikari!

  17. #17
    The Lightbringer Deadvolcanoes's Avatar
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    Considering the reasons you gave for not wanting to have kids, you seem like you would be a terrible parent anyway.

    I fully support your decision.
    It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere.

  18. #18
    Super Moderator Darsithis's Avatar
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    I know plenty of people who chose not to have kids (I am one of them, though we do have two dogs), but so far all of them ended up having them anyway. One was an accident, and one was just a change of mind when a very very rare opportunity presented itself (his wife is incapable).

    Don't be too sure you won't change your mind eventually. Right now you have other priorities and focus, but that doesn't mean that you can never change your mind or that your life won't change to accommodate something like a child and a family. It's still your choice, of course, and many couples are happy to never have a child.

    I'd also like to touch on procreation. We do indeed still live in a world where birth rates need to be maintained. We age and we die, and females of our species have a very limited (in terms of life span), period of fertility. As our current population ages, we run the risk of negative population growth. Now, I know our world is definitely more than populated, but it can be easily turned around and sent the other way. There are already birth rate issues in countries like Thailand, where the current generation is aging and the new generations are smaller and smaller.



  19. #19
    You can be a foster family for a couple of months and take in children who have fled their old house. You can then see if you're still not wanting to have kids. Either way, you're not forced to make kids.

    I know definatly I want kids... I would love to be a grandpa and spoil my grandchildren and give my children every little bit of love I have in me. But for god sake you're 23... why are you worrying about kids? I am 25 and just got together with this lovely girl... why should we already decide when to have kids? My dad was 35 when he got me...
    Peace

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by RICH1471 View Post
    Where is here? The UK is pretty open minded when it comes to peoples life choices, nobody really cares if they meet a 40 something couple with no kids.
    Denmark. Just the people I am around/have been around find it weird and unacceptable to not want kids. That it's just a temporary 'phase'.
    Ty Rivellana for the sig!

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