1. #1

    Relationship Help and Troubles

    Okay, so I have been in a relationship with a girl for 3 years. Over the past 6 months, we have separated and I have generally just had an empty feeling inside. Life has gotten to me and I'm worried about my future. I am 18 and work full-time at Culver's, Didn't graduate High-School, Don't have a car or my license, live with 2 room mates from work, and I also don't have a parent to help me out. I have been with this girl for a while, I love her and her family dearly.

    But I have felt lost with life, and I feel that being in a relationship has made me feel stuck, and that there is a problem if I feel this alone and empty in the relationship. I don't have good reasons to leave, We're great together, there has never been abuse or cheating, just little arguments over petty things. I try to talk to her, and she won't talk, because she feels like it the things I say are a personal attack against her and she cant imagine not being with me. I just, don't know what to do anymore.

    I would love constructive feedback from a community I have grown to love over the years, any suggestions/opinions would be appreciated. Thanks a lot champs!

    ---------- Post added 2012-06-25 at 10:17 PM ----------

    Sorry to concern whomever with my life. I am just a little lost, and in need of help. Feel free to point out, that I am in the wrong and being stupid, I can take it.
    Last edited by Proper Thread; 2012-06-26 at 03:15 AM.

  2. #2
    Do whatever will make you feel better brah.

  3. #3
    The vast majority of teenage relationships do not last. (Source: Listening to Loveline 10 years ago)
    I suggest finding something to focus on, like getting a HS degree or equivalency, or possibly getting that driver license. In time the feelings of being lost will fade. It took me five years to get over it, but all I had to distract me was WoW.
    Call to arms, the trumpets sound
    Hand puppets storm the base, flags up now cannons rage
    All clowns head for the rear, slingshots fire to the air
    Toy horses start the charge, Robot chessmen standing guard
    Crossfire to the marionettes, Slip into the edge of death...

  4. #4
    Then keep going with it. Your probably just going to feel even worse leaving a girl that you know you like/love for absolutely no reason. You feel this way yet from the way your talking about the subject you don't want to leave her.

    Thats just my opinion, I had a relationship from when I was 8 till i was 18 with the same girl and it felt fantastic and to be honest it ended over nothing, We still got along, we didn't grow apart it just ended. If the relationship has lasted 3 years which were the teenage years where we're hormonal and constantly changing then you have something great there.

    Personally for me i've become heartless and emotionally detached which wasn't due to the break up it was a series of events. Just do something to bring some excitement back into the relationship you can't just give up. All relationships will make you feel stuck and tied down at times, Why do YOU think you feel this way? Try to find questions and answer them. It could even be just because you don't have your license making you feel limited.

    I've felt that way before and now im just being a young 19 year old guy screwing around doing what i please regardless of the feelings of others. I've slept with my mates girlfriends, Broken up relationships, Dumped girls just because i feel like it.

  5. #5
    I don't mean to be harsh...

    Figure out what you want to do in life. She should do the same. If both of your things are compatible, awesome. If not, it's not going to last, at least not with both of you happy.

    Sometimes life hurts, but you have to keep moving.

  6. #6
    Thanks a lot guys, yeah I'll take what you guys said to heart. It's nice to hear other people's opinions on things. If anyone else reads this, please feel free to give your thoughts

  7. #7
    After my first relationship ended, I wandered for quite a while trying to decide what to do with my life. I got my GED, took my ACTs and got a 32 composite and now I'm going to college. I'd suggest working on your GED and maybe even your SAT/ACT if you want to go to college, else your GED alone will be a helpful thing for joining the workforce beyond Culver's (not that it's a terrible job, but it's certainly not a job for a man on his own in his twenties.)

    Your post indicates you're pretty bright, so I assume you'd probably have similar success. The GED is incredibly simple. The only other advice I have for you is to move on from the girl, and whatever you do, don't join the military because you don't know what to do with your life. That is no light decision.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Proper Thread View Post
    Okay, so I have been in a relationship with a girl for 3 years. Over the past 6 months, we have separated and I have generally just had an empty feeling inside. Life has gotten to me and I'm worried about my future. I am 18 and work full-time at Culver's, Didn't graduate High-School, Don't have a car or my license, live with 2 room mates from work, and I also don't have a parent to help me out. I have been with this girl for a while, I love her and her family dearly.

    But I have felt lost with life, and I feel that being in a relationship has made me feel stuck, and that there is a problem if I feel this alone and empty in the relationship. I don't have good reasons to leave, We're great together, there has never been abuse or cheating, just little arguments over petty things. I try to talk to her, and she won't talk, because she feels like it the things I say are a personal attack against her and she cant imagine not being with me. I just, don't know what to do anymore.

    I would love constructive feedback from a community I have grown to love over the years, any suggestions/opinions would be appreciated. Thanks a lot champs!

    ---------- Post added 2012-06-25 at 10:17 PM ----------

    Sorry to concern whomever with my life. I am just a little lost, and in need of help. Feel free to point out, that I am in the wrong and being stupid, I can take it.

    Here is your problem. People tend to think that a mate will solve problems for them. Hence, when you're young, most relationships fail. People are a bit like cars on the highway. You are a car. Your girlfriend is a car. Sometimes, you can go 20 exits and the same car is behind you. Sometimes you can go 20 exits and the same car has been beside you neck and neck. Sometimes it only takes a few weeks (or a few seconds) for a car to simply speed by you and leave you in the dust.

    When push comes to shove you need to love your partner for who they are. That includes what they do for you. But I suggest that there is a difference between being yourself and being who your partner wants you to be. If you find yourself changing because you think your partner will like it better, this is bad a choice. You need to change because it will make you a better person. If you have chosen your partner correctly they will still love you.

    Back to the car analogy. Sometimes a car speeds by you (one night stand) only for you to find that you've crept up on them 2 exits down the highway.

    What I mean by this is two-fold. First you must be going to the same place. Second you average velocity must be equal. People learn and grow at different rates. Each person has their own growth spurts. However, if you look at them over time you will find compatibility regardless of the frequency or rate of growth.

    To relate this to you.... You are in a period of growth. Do not fear this growth, knowing ahead of time that you will be different because of it. Embrace it. If you grow and your partner does not, after a certain amount of time you will grow apart. Don't look at this as negative. Sometimes, in relationships, you reach a point where you can no longer provide anything to your partner. This happens all the time.

    Finally, don't attack her because you're going through a period of growth. Growth is always good. If you growth and become a better person that's good for you. If you grow and become a better person, and she doesn't like what you've become, it's time for you to move on.

  9. #9
    Stood in the Fire c1nn4m0n's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    371
    Focus on getting your license or education. If you can't go back to school maybe ask your employer about any training possibilities.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Psilar View Post
    Here is your problem. People tend to think that a mate will solve problems for them. Hence, when you're young, most relationships fail. People are a bit like cars on the highway. You are a car. Your girlfriend is a car. Sometimes, you can go 20 exits and the same car is behind you. Sometimes you can go 20 exits and the same car has been beside you neck and neck. Sometimes it only takes a few weeks (or a few seconds) for a car to simply speed by you and leave you in the dust.

    When push comes to shove you need to love your partner for who they are. That includes what they do for you. But I suggest that there is a difference between being yourself and being who your partner wants you to be. If you find yourself changing because you think your partner will like it better, this is bad a choice. You need to change because it will make you a better person. If you have chosen your partner correctly they will still love you.

    Back to the car analogy. Sometimes a car speeds by you (one night stand) only for you to find that you've crept up on them 2 exits down the highway.

    What I mean by this is two-fold. First you must be going to the same place. Second you average velocity must be equal. People learn and grow at different rates. Each person has their own growth spurts. However, if you look at them over time you will find compatibility regardless of the frequency or rate of growth.

    To relate this to you.... You are in a period of growth. Do not fear this growth, knowing ahead of time that you will be different because of it. Embrace it. If you grow and your partner does not, after a certain amount of time you will grow apart. Don't look at this as negative. Sometimes, in relationships, you reach a point where you can no longer provide anything to your partner. This happens all the time.

    Finally, don't attack her because you're going through a period of growth. Growth is always good. If you growth and become a better person that's good for you. If you grow and become a better person, and she doesn't like what you've become, it's time for you to move on.
    My advice would be pretty much the same as above, it seems to me that before deciding on anything regarding the relationship you need to decide where you want your life to go. It is important that you not let the relationship or your significant other dictate where your life goes. When me and my fiance first started dating we had been friends for a while so we had no trouble having those big conversations (what we want out of the relationship and both of our lives respectively, finance, religion so on and so forth) and much like the analogy above we both are heading in the same direction in life and wanted the same things out of it.

    The bottom line is you need to figure out what YOU want for YOURSELF before even attempting to evaluate the relationship your in, its a daunting task and it took me until my senior year in undergrad to realize where I wanted to be heading.

    Start out by asking yourself If you want to try and get your high school degree, or even smaller go after that drivers license and go from there. It's impossible to discuss the direction of two people if one is unsure of their own direction.

    Hope this helps.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •