Need relationship advice, what am I doing wrong?!?

[Spectral]

The other thing I'd note is not to beat yourself up too much. After a long relationship, I spent about a year and a half single; at times, I thought I was doing things wrong because it felt weird to me to go to bed alone, to do activities I associate with couples with my friends. Turns out, I wound up in a great relationship with one of those friends... nothing's wrong simply because you're not in a relationship at a given moment.

[sugarlily]

Aww, *hugs *comfort


You aren't doing ANYTHING wrong. Your parents did a shit job getting you socially comfortable with yourself & ready for the World. I'm sorry, I mean no cruel offense, but I don't think they really put much into you & your sister while preparing you for life, & that's NOT any fault of your own.

I feel awful that you were sort of dragged around the country & never got to put roots down or settle into a 'home'. That sort of growing up can make anyone confused & worried & leave you wondering what is life & what am I doing 'wrong' & what do I do next and AHHHH!

Not sure I completely understand the part about your sister's BF/your Best Friends' sister & you, but you don't need to share more than you're comfy with.

If you can stop having an inner dialogue that is negative about yourself, (fat/heavy ginger etc) I'd say that's a great step. Don't second-guess your decisions to turn down those ppl you aren't interested in. Some ppl give it away like water, which makes it about as worthless as a dirty cup of tap water & some are overly eager to trade sex like it was a deck of cards you whip out at a party & share. Nothing wrong in feeling like sex & even love is worth much more & that it should be treated with respect & reverence. Sex isn't a parlor game. At least not to all of us.

I was wondering how & where you've met ppl since you didn't really have a chance @ school. At least you go out & give it a shot & go to parties & meet ppl/hang out. You won't always meet ppl you'll want to see again but sometimes you'll meet some ppl that you'd like to be friends with. Trade phone #'s with those you enjoy & get along with & make contact with them & maybe try plans a week or so later. Sometimes you'll strike out, sometimes it'll be some fun!

As for a girl in your life, you'll know her when you meet her & so will she! If you feel desperate about girls while you're around girls it'll be like anti-girl-spray though. I don't know what to say about the ones that have tried to drag you into bedrooms...just don't do things with girls you feel nothing for that you'll regret later. It won't be worth it. As long as you don't stay isolated you'll meet some girls who are right for you. For being sorta home schooled & not 'taught' much you sound pretty socially adroit to me.

Stop thinking that your age is an issue, you're just spamming negative thoughts about yourself to yourself if you feel like you're 'too old' or past some imagined time limit. Like I said as long as you don't isolate yourself you'll have the chances to meet girls that will feel more natural to hang with & eventually "The One" will happen. Don't forget, you'll also be "The One" to somebody too! There are girls out here that feel unsure of themselves that have guys they don't really like making them offers they're uncomfortable with too!

There are TONS of girls who PREFER a virgin guy!!!<3 I also meant to say that I think it's wonderful that ppl have fun with You & generally like You! It can be handy & even quite empowering to be the "Funny Guy". As long as you allow yourself to also be who you are while you're socializing, you can't really go wrong. Remember, if you're ever hiding who you are or changing yourself to 'fit in' you may cause the ppl who would absolutely adore & love you to pass you on by b/c you weren't being You. Know what I'm saying?

Sooner or later the 2 of you that will make each other happy will meet up.

Best of Luck to You~
Always remember this~ it is the list I live by ~ it'll help you too! <3
1.) Never date anyone you wouldn't have as a best friend.
2.) Tolerated behavior doesn't change.
3.) We teach people how to treat us.
4.) We get what we settle for.

[Claymore]

i might start by asking yerself "why do you want to be 'the one'"

ever considered the possibility that as far as relationships/love ect goes, the grass is greener on the other side?

never define yourself based on the acceptance of others. thats the first step

I actually do kind of wonder that at times. I think, though, that it's probably more a product of my upbringing. My dad didn't have a big presence in my life, and coupled with that fact that I didn't grow up around other kids, my view of relationships was kind of formed largely by the games I played and anime I watched. I suppose it could be that fact that I spent more time around my mom and sister than.. well, anybody.

I guess it's just really interesting seeing you guys' points of view. I'm constantly trying to evaluate why I feel the way I feel about sex, and whether I'm simply unusual, or if I'm actually making a bit of a mistake and further distancing myself from any possible relationship. I mean, it *does* seem like a lot of people form relationships after they sleep with each other; maybe by turning girls down, I'm actually the one alienating myself?

At the same time, though, I sort of wonder if "saving myself" is kind of the one thing really going for me. Don't get me wrong; I like to think I'm a pretty fun person to be around, and I don't have fits of depression or anything anymore. Yet, I guess having grown up overweight, socially awkward, unintelligent... I guess it sort of makes me feel like it's the one thing I feel I can really control myself. I mean, I *want* to have sex, and I have the opportunities, but being able to control myself until I meet somebody I actually care about, I guess does make it feel like I've got something going for me.

I dunno, I guess I tend to question myself a lot. I really do want a relationship; having grown up with a fairly poor family-atmosphere, it would be nice to have someone that seems happy to see you, that isn't just there when they need something or feel like yelling at you. Like I said, maybe the media I consumed just skewed my view of healthy relationships; maybe they really *are* a byproduct of casual sex. I just don't know.

I probably will try out the online-dating thing, but I definitely appreciate you guys' (and girls'!) comments. Especially since I know my posts can be a little long-winded :P

[Aalyy]

Virginity isn't something "special" to be cherished. And there won't be magical fairies flying around your bed if you save your first time for a relationship. You're just depriving yourself of sex for no reason....

I agree with this but some people just don't like having casual sex and there's nothing wrong with waiting for someone special to come along.

OP: keep doing what you're doing. Being picky like this means you'll likely end up having your first sexual experience as something to be remembered and cherished even if you don't end up with that person forever. There's no expiration clock on you and being only 24 means you can afford to wait a bit longer. Just make sure you're open enough to recognize "the one" when she comes along. Hint: a drunk chick in a bar probably isn't going to be that person.

[Skippy88]

You remind me of myself. As I always said it takes two to tango and either I was on the dance floor or she was but neither one of us at the same time. I am holding out for something more where we both like each other. Especially in today's world where most relationships feel like a revolving door. Family reunions are always fun to see "Who are they dating this year".