Can someone explain Fifty Shades of Grey to me?

[Laize]

That awkward moment at your mother's 50th birthday party that one of her friends got this book for her.

Hah... Fucking gross.

[semaphore]

Yeah, having such fantasies in the first place just means you're too scared to act out on them.

I have fantasies about teleporting and throwing missiles of pure energy at people I don't like. The reason I'm not acting them out is definitely not because of fear

It's a work of fiction. It romanticises and sensationalises and romanticises some more. Enjoying a bout of fancy like this doesn't mean you'd actually want to try it out in real life. In that respect its no different from the myriad of different fantasies people have in general.

[Stir]

First of all:
There really is nothing wrong with BDSM. It's a trust-fetish, really. There are some forms of BDSM that emulate domestic abuse (for instance, the whole 'slave'-thing), but you have to remember that it is a fetish. A fantasy played out. It's not real.
A lot of people have rape-fantasies. That might come as a shock, but it's true: A hell of a lot of people have, at some point, had an erotic fantasy about rape... And not about being the rapist, but about being the victim.
One possible explanation for this fantasy is: In the scenario, it's out of your hands. You have no control, no say in the matter... And, in that respect, no restrains. You are not responsible for what happens in the scenario, and the loss of responsibility, in this day and age, is actually incredibly liberating.
Does that mean that this incredibly large group (probably looking at everyone on this board, now) wants to ever BE a victim of this heinous and horrendous, and incredibly scarring crime?

Of course not.

BDSM is a bit like that. Do you really want to be tied up, lose all control over what happens to you, lose all responsibility? No; of course you don't. But BDSM comes as close as possible while still remaining safe. There are safe-words, there is communication on what you do and do not want to endure/inflict beforehand. The surprise element is more of a timing thing, because nothing very novel will happen. It's all safe, and you can feel devoid of any responsibility for a short time.
Does this have anything to do with victims of actually abuse? No. No; none at all. There is a huge difference between 'letting go and losing all responsibility' and 'being damaged, hurt and emotionally devastated in the process of someone else fulfilling their lusts without regard for you as a person.'

That being said, what I get from this is pretty much the same as twilight: The eroticising of actual abuse and obsession. And, again, that may be fun for some people as a fantasy, but this is where you do tread carefully: A fantasy in your head is NOT a fantasy on paper, and by publishing such a fantasy, chances are pretty high that you're causing emotional stress to someone who has actually been there. As soon as you make it public, as soon as you expose it to unsuspecting people, you will cause damage. It stops being a fantasy.

[Glordif]

People who do BDSM are not right to begin with as they are want the loss of power to someone else. Normal humans are too egotistical to do so. doubt anything more broken in a broken clock.

As someone who is in a BDSM/S&M relationship currently with my girlfriend, I can tell you myself (along with various studies performed on this topic) that it is perfectly right to begin with. In fact these types of relationships are actually much more common than people realise. In fact the loss of power is in fact a very normal human thing to do, especially for those people who have a lot of power elsewhere.
You’ll often find that people who have a lot of power in their jobs for example will find the idea of losing control to someone else very satisfying. I have a lot of power in my current job; I am responsible for hundreds of people every day and I don’t want to have to keep having power when it comes to the bedroom.
You only need to look into the hundreds of studies done on couple who have varying degrees of BDSM/S&M relationships, to see that these couples tend to be much happier than their counterparts on average. To partake in this type of relationship require a significant amount of trust in the other partner, something I believe can’t be obtained through a traditional relationship.
Anyone who things these kinds of relationships are “unhealthy and psychologically damaging” or “quite honestly disgusting and outright offensive to anyone who has been in an abusive relationship.” Is (sorry to ad hominine here) ignorant, stupid and is the worst kind of prude that can potentially causes significant physiological damage to others.

I’m afraid to tell you Taenathal that after reading you disgusting and downright offensive posts I decided to contact a friend of mine who sadly was in an abusive relationship with her ex-husband, and she found what you typed to be significantly more offensive then anything me or my girlfriend have done.

To finish Taenathal regardless of whether you think it’s offensive or not, the majority of woman find their largest sexual turn on to be rape. Just go onto an erotic literature site and you will see hundreds of stories devoted to this.

[Droodid]

It's a book about sex, more sex, then some love thrown in. Mostly sex as all my friends who read it told me...that girls read and say thats ok...but when i go watch boobs on the internet OMG WTF YOU PERV >.>

[Laize]

It's a book about sex, more sex, then some love thrown in. Mostly sex as all my friends who read it told me...that girls read and say thats ok...but when i go watch boobs on the internet OMG WTF YOU PERV >.>

Yeah that sounds at right. Most girls I know have no problem with porn though.

[Deleted]

Did you also lose respect for men over all the other multitudes of porn out there specifically produced for and primarily consumed by men?

Exactly. I don't understand why suddenly a lot of people are having an outburst about a BDSM love novel. This is nothing compared to the kind of porn we guys watch! Not even close!