Need help stopping someone form destroying them self with alcoholism

[Vongimi]

Ok, this person in my household has been a problem alcoholic for sometime. We all know it to be true, and we have to do everything in our power to stop it (not going to go into WHY its such a huge problem). The problem is, this person will leave for other errands and come back drunk. This person doesn't go to bars or anything, they simply buy vodka bottles from the liquor store and drinks them either in the car while they are out (and yes, drives while intoxicated), or stash them somewhere in the house when they get home and drink them all day. Its very rare that we find a stash, and when we do a new stash is created instantly. We cannot cut this person off from funds to buy this vodka, as they have multiple ways they have developed over the years of hiding the fact that they are buying alcohol. Every time we try and confront this person on it they will outright deny it ever happens. Like this person can be completely smashed, staggering around barely able to walk, and will 100% of the time say they haven't had a single drop, including getting insanely mad and screaming it. I've literally went into this person's room and grabbed an open bottle of vodka they had CLEARLY been drinking out of (they were trying to hide it when I was in there and I saw it) and been told "I wasn't drinking that at all". We can only get said person to admit it in private conversation a day or so after their latest sloshed streak.

I have considered simply calling in to the police to get this person a DUI, but again, due to issues I cannot say, that will cause HUGE problems, much more than simply losing a license and a hefty fine. If it wasn't for one big issue it would cause I would have done it years ago. We want to focus on being able to catch this person in the act so that when they deny it, we can present evidence. But we don't know how to do this because this person drives many places during every day and we don't have the time to send an escort with them everywhere. Maybe there could be a small mini-camera we could get installed or something in this person's car in order to get video footage of this person drinking or entering liquor stores? (due to this problem we do not allow ANY alcohol in the house at all so there would be no reason to go to a liquor store other than to get drunk).

Anyone have any other ideas? Can't get this person any help because they refuse it, and we can't make it public we have to deal with it ourselves.

[Sam the Wiser]

Put a camera in his/her room or the entire house while you're out.

[Sverige]

'' I won't say a damn thing and I expect you to help me with a huge issue ''. Is what I get from your post.

Seek professional help, no one will be able to help you here. I'd call the police and have said person arrested while they were driving under the influence of alcohol. The fact that you know that this person does it, and you don't act, is disgusting, in my opinion.

[Longbow73]

It's hard to help you when you refuse to tell us why you cannot report to the police, because that (in a normal situation) is probably the best course of action; an alcoholic cannot be allowed to drive around while drunk, it endangers the lives of everybody. Under the circumstances, I would...well, I don't know what I would do, I lack information.

[Xeyu]

it's clearly out of your hand. i don't know if you are his mother but, you need to face that this guy as a SERIOUS problem of alcohol and having big brother following him won't help....he'll go drink it in a park and come back with no evidence he drank a sip.

This is to be honest...Sad to say least.

No one can help him if he does not help himself.

Don't let that guy drink and drive...he can kill people out of his own stupidity. sorry but drinking and driving is just plain stupid, Ignorant and maybe Innocent when you are young. but how you explain it, he seems like a grown up. tell him to wake the hell up...or kick him out and call the police. and what if he gets in trouble? at least he wont kill anybody. If he can't take care of himself, let the justice care of it.

If he does not care about himself, he should about others.

[Sykol]

I'm expecting a serious mindfuck about three pages in where the OP reveals he lives alone.

[Tziva]

You can't control someone else. As terrible as it is to watch, there is nothing you can do. If they do not want to stop, they won't.

[Reg]

Change the locks when he/she is drunk, then when he/she can't figure out how to use their key, let them in to pass out, then switch the locks back. Record them with a hidden camera not being able to function a door and then show them.

[Letmesleep]

OP, I'd do some serious research on how to deal with an alcoholic family member or friend before you do anything drastic. Read up on it. As someone who's had "help" forced upon me, I can tell you right now it carries significant risk of severely damaging your relationship with that person. Tziva was right, people won't change unless they want to. The key is getting them to want to. Each case is specific, and I'm not telling you not to force help on him, I'm just telling you beware. Make absolutely sure that is the only way because you may end up regretting it. MMO Champion is not the place to come for advice on things as serious as this.

[IxilaFA]

You can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. It's a sad truth, but that's all there is to it. Yes you are attached to the person on an emotional and personal level, but it's best to distance yourself from this person. If they live with you, tell them they have to quit or they are getting kicked out. Once you kick them onto the street, that has to be it. You can't go back on your word, you can't give them a second chance. They have proven that they are untrustworthy and will do anything to continue with their addiction. It is time for your relationship with this person to end.

Don't contact the police, that will only hurt them and you. Don't try to get them into rehab or get them to quit, they will only deny and possibly grow angry with you. Sadly the only thing you can do is sit them down, explain to them why you are concerned and why things need to change, and if they refuse to change, you kick them out of your life and don't look back.

[Deleted]

Having some experience with these things there has been only one thing that works. Get rid of him / her, out of sight, out of mind.

[Kirse]

-Be careful, trying to catch this person may make them more defensive, and resist any further efforts to help him/her.
-This person (probably) knows that they are hiding it and lying, so you forcing them to admit to it will serve no purpose but to make them feel like they are being accused of something, rather than supported. It's best to just be honest about what you know, and ignore denials. Don't call them a liar, just pretend that they didn't say anything at all. As soon as they feel attacked, they will shut down. Alcoholics start to form a very predictable pattern of emotional responses to events. Shutting down/getting angry/lying is extremely common. If he/she seems agitated, say "ok, it's clear that you would be more comfortable if we discussed this another time, but know that we're worried...etc"
-I suggest being very open with this person, talking to them about how it affects you and other loved ones. Have an intervention if you think the person will stay for it. Make sure that everything that you say comes across as caring, rather than judgmental
To avoid Korsakoff syndrome, make sure that they consume B vitamin/thiamine. Spike their food/drinks with it if necessary. It's easy to prevent, but causes devastating brain damage. Denial about drinking when the evidence is clearly there, may actually be an early symptom.

I don't fully understand your situation. If you are worried about the consequences of calling in a DUI, place an anonymous call. It may be necessary to temporarily kick this person out of the house, or wait until they are staying someone else, so that whatever you're worried about does not lead to investigation of the home. If you don't call in a DUI and someone is hurt or killed as a result, it will be hard to forgive yourself.

---------- Post added 2012-07-04 at 04:05 AM ----------

[QUOTE=Wowalixi;17427972]

Don't contact the police, that will only hurt them and you.

I really think that you should, people could get seriously injured in a DUI. Rehab + loss of license are good consequences that this person clearly needs

if they refuse to change, you kick them out of your life and don't look back.

-unfortunately, this is what most people have to do. It's horrible cutting someone out of your life, but people as far gone as your example rarely change unless they hit rock bottom, and even then they often don't. Staying in contact with an alcoholic will hurt you and anyone else in contact with them, and their behavior will only get worse over time

[Madness20]

As a slightly depressed drug addict, i'm gonna say that the most important to help this person is to know or understand the reason for why he drinks alcohol.

Most people that do drugs don't do it for the "fun" of it, but rather in order to "forget"/avoid thinking/being confronted about the stuff that is really depressing him. For sure, from what you say, he has a problem in life or thrauma that makes him have that behaviour.
I would say that for the start you should talk with him seriously and try to address his issues, also followed by your reasoning of wanting to tell him to not drink while driving, and how drinking can destroy his life even more and take off things he can't get back.

If his real problem is just about being really addict to alcohol from reasons other than being depressed, you can also try to help him by asking to replace the alcohol with some other form of comfort or ask him to reduce either in quantity and in drink's alcohol ammount, or completelly forbidding heavy drinks, but allow "soft" alcoholic drinks at will. I'm really sure he could instead try on beer, as it is a drink that'll give him some satisfactory feeling of drinking and most probably also gradually reduce his dependance.

If you find there's no way to make him see that he's doing it wrong, even with being liberal/helpful about, then you should really seek professional help for him, he may have to change more things about his life that he can even handle start thinking about. Otherwise, don't forbid him of everything to start it, forbid him just from drinking heavy drinks or huge quantities. Forbidding an addict of doing his drugs will just compel him to drink more when your not around, and make him probably even avoiding your company, and any one other that tries to forbid him, even if you have the best of intentions.