Thread: Insecure people

Page 1 of 6
1
2
3
... LastLast
  1. #1

    Insecure people

    I'm currently chatting with this beautiful woman, and before I even go talk about her, I do not respect posts that say " leave her, blabla " or " lol she doesn't like you blabla " because to be honest those trolls can go die in a fire. I am looking for a good discussion about reaching out to someone you love/like and take away their insecurity.

    The first time I met her we had a 6 hour conversation and the next day we didn't want to rush into things so we both kept quiet on MSN. A few days later I just started talking and we had the same hour of conversation again. She asked if she wanted to cam with me so I said yes and now this has been going on for a month.

    She sometimes talks about sex with me, but we can also have very normal conversations about things in life. She is very open and honest to me, but for some reason she doesn't feel "worthy" to be asked out on a date. She loves to go on a date with me, she said I am everything she ever wanted in a man, but she is affraid that I don't like her.

    She isn't "standard hot" ( read that as slim, tall etc ) but she is perfect enough for me. I just wonder how I can get this insecurity out of her and guide her. I personally think it's worth it to try and get that insecurity out so she can be herself around me, then we can advance. I don't care how long it takes... she is worth it
    Peace

  2. #2
    Pandaren Monk
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    The stars
    Posts
    1,790
    Well, you can start off with meeting in a public place? Bring wingmen/women if either of you feels you need one.

    See what a real face-to-face meeting will do between the two of you and work from there.

    Participant in the Rhonin Diaries 1, 2, 3 and 4.
    Not the best Rogue in the world, just a Tribute.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Valleera View Post
    Well, you can start off with meeting in a public place? Bring wingmen/women if either of you feels you need one.

    See what a real face-to-face meeting will do between the two of you and work from there.
    That is her whole problem. She is not confident enough to go with me to a public place. I do know where she works ( sort of ) but she said she didn't want me to see her in her working outfit. She wants me to see her in her full glory

    EDIT: I know her for 1,5 months now and I asked her twice that I wanted to meet her. The first time she said she wanted to get to know me first and the 2nd time she said I was to pushy. Told her last night how beautiful she was and how my life has changed a bit since I met her.

    Maybe I want to go to fast, but I want to burst through her insecurity.
    Last edited by Gourmandises; 2012-07-09 at 12:04 PM.
    Peace

  4. #4
    If she's talking about sex then she wants it imo. She probably thinks you don't like her because she's dropping what she feels are obvious hints and your not doing anything about it.

  5. #5
    The Insane Cattaclysmic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Århus
    Posts
    17,835
    Have a dinner date over the webcam?


    I got nothin'

  6. #6
    Dude shes already laid the groundwork for you. All you have to do is ask her out on a proper date.

    Sadly theres never a quick fix for anyone with insecurities. My missus has major issues since her accident (she cant use her right hand anymore) and even though i was with her for years before the accident shes convinced im gonna just pull anchor and run. Time will help her get over them. Time and you being there.

    Ask her out, Have a good time and let things grow. In time she will realise you honestly like her and those insecurities will vanish

  7. #7
    Meet her at home? If she's this insecure about herself, try to meet her in a place she feels comfortable at, so let her pick the place/time/date.

  8. #8
    Issues with a girl?

    Make her jealous, problem solved.

  9. #9
    Got to ask - how old are both of you? This is a very different question if you're 17 from what it would be at 27.

  10. #10
    Have dinner in private first, then slowly move onto dinner in public.
    Emotional Skyscraper ~ Cosmic Mind

  11. #11
    Warchief Kuthe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,106
    OP.

    Not sure on age, that actually helps.
    But I'm going to say 16-20?
    Girls keep this up for ages, feeling insecure.

    She probably had a troubled relationship, and doesn't want things to be screwed over.
    Just stick with her, and give her time and love. Don't try to pressure her or rush her, but surprise her with compliments, but don't go over the top with them.
    It differs on how long this type of thing would last, but just don't give up and you'll get to the real her. Have fun with her, be yourself and try to come up with some fun stuff to do, doing whatever you do where you live, and you might get her to open up a bit more.

    Good luck.
    We stopped searching for monsters under our beds when we realized that they were inside us.

    Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Cattaclysmic View Post
    Have a dinner date over the webcam?


    I got nothin'
    I can just picture it. And at the end of the date, he transfers money to her bank acc to pay for her dinner, and they kiss their webcams.

    Did i go too far?

  13. #13
    The Insane Cattaclysmic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Århus
    Posts
    17,835
    Quote Originally Posted by NoLimit View Post
    I can just picture it. And at the end of the date, he transfers money to her bank acc to pay for her dinner, and they kiss their webcams.

    Did i go too far?
    Not far enough - imagine it like in HIMYM - both holding those plastic hands!

  14. #14
    Be open, honest, and clear.

    'I am interested in you. I think you're attractive, witty, charming and a beautiful person in every way. If you're free this weekend, I'd like to meet up with you and take you out for a meal, maybe see a movie. I would love to get to know you better, so I hope you would like to do the same.'

    Set a date and go for it. If she still says no, then there's nothing else for it, since this would be the third time you've tried. If she still won't open up then that's it: it's over. You did your best, but it's a two-way street: she has to put some effort in too.

  15. #15
    Warchief Knight Gil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Somewhere
    Posts
    2,209
    Have you considered the possibility that she might be faking her insecurities?

    She asked if she wanted to cam with me
    She sometimes talks about sex with me
    She is very open and honest to me
    She loves to go on a date with me, she said I am everything she ever wanted in a man, but she is affraid that I don't like her.
    These aren't really signs of insecurity, for example.

    She is not confident enough to go with me to a public place. I do know where she works ( sort of ) but she said she didn't want me to see her in her working outfit. She wants me to see her in her full glory
    I asked her twice that I wanted to meet her. The first time she said she wanted to get to know me first and the 2nd time she said I was to pushy.
    I think those are silly reasons not to meet each other. Sounds more like excuses than anything else.


    I'm sorry if in your words I sound like a "troll that should go die in a fire". I'm just advising you to be careful. She might just be insecure. But she might not

  16. #16
    ^ Why should someone fake their insecurity? she never had a relationship before and she told me that she doesn't want one because she get's jealous fast and doesn't trust another

    She did more then just talk about sex... That aside

    I asked her out 2 times now and last night another time. She doesn't feel comfy at home at this moment and she has to work a lot right now. When I try to ask her for a drink ( with no intensions ) she claims she covers herself in lies that she wants to be friends.

    She sometimes asked me out of the blue " Why are you so lovely to me? " " Why are you so understanding? " and she throws with stuff around like " you're the first person that's nice to me " and " I wish you could lay next to me now " ... There is just this HUGE block that she can say all of her feelings like that on chat/webcam, but not in real life. I asked her if she would feel courageous enough to say all that to me in real life, but she said that she was not courageous enough to do that face to face.

    I know she wants to meet me, but this block called insecurity is in my way...

    @Wikkr: How long did it took your wife until she was fully convinced you would stick with her?
    @ people wanting to know age: She is 20, I am 25
    Peace

  17. #17
    Herald of the Titans iLive's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Denmark
    Posts
    2,540
    Give her true compliments. Did she say to you she was afraid you wouldn't like her?

  18. #18
    Pandaren Monk
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    The stars
    Posts
    1,790
    Well, if she says she's not sure she wants to meet you alone, that's where you tell her she can bring someone she trusts.
    That's what I meant with bringing a Wingman/woman.

    Participant in the Rhonin Diaries 1, 2, 3 and 4.
    Not the best Rogue in the world, just a Tribute.

  19. #19
    The Patient Lastkaii's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    343
    Sounds like you have been friendzoned. Girls don't usually act like that.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Gourmandises View Post
    I'm currently chatting with this beautiful woman, and before I even go talk about her, I do not respect posts that say " leave her, blabla " or " lol she doesn't like you blabla " because to be honest those trolls can go die in a fire. I am looking for a good discussion about reaching out to someone you love/like and take away their insecurity.

    The first time I met her we had a 6 hour conversation and the next day we didn't want to rush into things so we both kept quiet on MSN. A few days later I just started talking and we had the same hour of conversation again. She asked if she wanted to cam with me so I said yes and now this has been going on for a month.

    She sometimes talks about sex with me, but we can also have very normal conversations about things in life. She is very open and honest to me, but for some reason she doesn't feel "worthy" to be asked out on a date. She loves to go on a date with me, she said I am everything she ever wanted in a man, but she is affraid that I don't like her.

    She isn't "standard hot" ( read that as slim, tall etc ) but she is perfect enough for me. I just wonder how I can get this insecurity out of her and guide her. I personally think it's worth it to try and get that insecurity out so she can be herself around me, then we can advance. I don't care how long it takes... she is worth it
    If she is worth it..... just take your time with this.
    One thing, just be very careful because things which are normal for you will seem pushy to her.

    The issue is, as you say, that she feels insecure and that she thinks she is not worthy of you. She has this feeling that you will reject her. This is what you have to deal with.......

    So talking is the best thing at this moment and talking is also the only means you have.
    Okay, this will be difficult but I hope you will get the basic idea behind this....

    What you have to do is let her know that you feel as if she is out of your league. Give her the idea that you both are equals when it comes to having insecurity issues.
    Talk about this, let her know that you have weaknesses..... When you want to make two lines equally long, you can make one larger (that is difficult with her) or you can make the longer one shorter... that is what you have to do ini your situation.

    As she will feel that you come closer to eachother in this particulair regard, she will open up.

    My idea that she has some secret.... there must be a reason why she is feeling inferior. You have to break the walls to those reasons and let her know you don't care about weaknesses but that her personality is just that great that you lost yourself. Remember also, most woman want to feel that special one.. at this moment she doesn't have that feeling. It is up to you to give that.

    If she doesn't start talking, you start. You don't have to talk for hours... it could only be 1 message stating you missed talking to her, that day!
    Simple littele things that makes her feel special and more important, wanted by you. It isup to you to show her that it is she you want and noone else; there could not be a better person for you, besides her.

    If you succeed in this...... she will meet you; but only when you succeed. She needs to feel that you like her, no matter what!
    And..... there is something hidden....... she keeps it hidden untill she feels secure enough to share it with you.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •