Help Me Get My Mind Off Her

[Deleted]

Start demonizing her, try to remember all the things you hated about her and start calling her cunt subconsciously.

[Kerath]

That really applies to both sexes, doesn't it?

A lot of people, especially people without much experience, tend to hook up with someone and then expect they can "change" them to fit their ideal of what that person should be rather than what they are.

Certainly does apply to both sexes. I know women are notorious for it, but that doesn't mean ALL women do it, or that kind of behaviour is exclusive to women. Men and women are quite capable of being arseholes equally.
I've been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment from an ex of mine. It was me that eventually ended the relationship, but only because I was sick of sacrificing pieces of myself in a never ending attempt to make him happy. And here's the kicker it was never enough. It never IS enough for some people.
Which is why I really do feel for Uncle Julian here. He's had his efforts thrown in his face. That's got to hurt.
I hope that he can at least take away something helpful from the experience - the insight to recognise the point that he's giving up too much of himself to please someone else, and the strength to walk away from someone that expects it of him.

lol, "take care of her."

Yeah, figgity fuck gender equality! I wonder if women like that are the biggest blockade in the way of equality and not us dudes.

Don't even get me started, or I'll never climb down off my soapbox >.<

[Uncle Julian]

It's tough because of the emotions that I feel, anger, frustration, sadness, depression... Why could she not love me? Why couldn't I please her enough? If she didn't understand her feelings and know what she really wanted, why couldn't she just be mature and express her self to me if there was ever a problem?

The best way I can explain it is just a general feeling of being unsatisfied...music I normally love doesn't appeal to me, going to work is now a drag where before it was great. It's like the world is just missing something, and what ever it is I can't find it to put it back in it's spot. I try to keep myself doing things at work or with friends, it's just such a shot in the nuts. Then I see her all happy with friends on facebook pictures and I just get mad that she has all this support around her and having a grand 'ol time, and feeling like I don't deserve any of this. I know life's not fair, but it still makes me pissed off. Thanks for all your suggestions though ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to try some activities/hobbies that she never liked (so I never did them) and try to meet some new girls to just be friends with, get food, see a movie, go swimming etc. Thankyou again

[KDSwain]

Two Words: Bunny Ranch

[Hean]

Only way you'll really stop getting your mind off of her is time and even then its not even assured that it'll happen, sorry man.

[checking facts]

The only cure for women problems is another women.

no. the only cure for women problems is two new women.

[Rhyseh]

She has obviously found someone else to want to call it off in such a craptastic way. Alot of women are extremely confusing and have no idea what they want. Many of them don't even think about what they want (this goes for blokes too), instead they make decisions based on how they "feel" and it sounds like she's probably found someone who makes her lady bits tingle, either that or you weren't doing it for her anymore. Many girls that I've had "romantic" dealings with are like this. The ones you go out of your way to treat well and make an emotional investment in lose interest in you fast and end up with some other muppet, the ones you don't invest anything emotionally in seem to keep coming back. Probably the whole "thrill of the chase" ethos.

Unfriend her on facebook for fucks sake. The last thing you need is reminders of how much fun the slut is having with other people. Either that or go find some birds and post details and photo's on facebook of your encounters, stuff like "Loving the single life!", "Gotta love women from (x area)". As petty as this may seem it may well make you feel better.

Maybe get a bit of anger going and belt it out physically at the gym.

As stated earlier never change for a women, don't be too easy to get along with. If you don't like something in a relationship or about a certain situation then voice your opinion and don't change it. While they may not admit it many people seem to be unable to function without a little bit of drama and when a relationship is easy, (for some people) they just end up getting bored and find someone else to give them that excitement factor. That excitement factor is why you see so many cool girls/guys with fuckwit partners.

This mainly seems to apply to people in their 20's, before they grow a real sense of self-value and start working out what it is they actually want in a relationship.

I agree with the general "find another bird" consensus.

[PizzaSHARK]

no. the only cure for women problems is two new women.

Ask a caveman what's good. WOMAN!

What's better? TWO WOMAN!

What's better than that? FIVE WOMAN!

[Marken]

LOL op is a ***

Infracted: Please, keep posts constructive.

The summer is strong with one ^

OT : As many said, maybe you could actualy take the trip on your own, its probably for the best for you as well she dosent seem like the girl to marry from what you describe

[Myrrar]

Going out and auto fucking another girl isn't something someone that was in a mature relationship, almost married, and trying to move on as an adult does. This is what high schoolers and college kids do when a worthless relationship ends.


Avoid everything having to do with her, occupy your time, and surround yourself with friends/family until the initial shittiness is over. After you hit the stage where you see how you just dodged a bullet it'll be a lot easier.

[Letmesleep]

Going out and auto fucking another girl isn't something someone that was in a mature relationship, almost married, and trying to move on as an adult does. This is what high schoolers and college kids do when a worthless relationship ends.


Avoid everything having to do with her, occupy your time, and surround yourself with friends/family until the initial shittiness is over. After you hit the stage where you see how you just dodged a bullet it'll be a lot easier.

The Super Mod has spoken!

Thank you for helping combat all the bad ideas. It's very difficult to do by myself or with the help of a few other people. Sometimes I even feel like I have to enter threads like this so that the original posters don't go do something stupid. I actually had an interest in this one though as I legitimately feel bad for Uncle Julian.

(hang in there Julian)

[PizzaSHARK]

Going out and auto fucking another girl isn't something someone that was in a mature relationship, almost married, and trying to move on as an adult does. This is what high schoolers and college kids do when a worthless relationship ends.

No, no, it'll work, but it's basically like using alcohol as an anesthetic. You aren't doing anything about the actual problem, you're just drowning it out, which can become its own problem.

[NoLimit]

This is why i prefer casual relationships. I have trust issues with the female species D:

[Myrrar]

No, no, it'll work, but it's basically like using alcohol as an anesthetic. You aren't doing anything about the actual problem, you're just drowning it out, which can become its own problem.

Fucking a new girl still probably wouldn't make him feel better. It's not like he got dumped by some girl where sex was probably the highlight of their relationship anyway. Dating is a lot different than that level of commitment. He was planning on starting a family and a life with this person, not pissed he got dumped for some stupid reason.

Going from having a loving sexual relationship with your soon to be permanent significant other to a probably bad one night stand with a club bimbo will probably just make him feel worse, not better.

[NoLimit]

Fucking a new girl still probably wouldn't make him feel better. It's not like he got dumped by some girl where sex was probably the highlight of their relationship anyway. Dating is a lot different than that level of commitment. He was planning on starting a family and a life with this person, not pissed he got dumped for some stupid reason.

Going from having a loving sexual relationship with your soon to be permanent significant other to a probably bad one night stand with a club bimbo will probably just make him feel worse, not better.

Barney Stinson
"Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but, at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos."

/thread

[Letmesleep]

Barney Stinson
"Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but, at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos."

/thread

Telling the OP to emulate a "high functioning sociopath" does not conclude a thread, no.

[punksandskins]

Go to bars (actual bars not those trendy wanna be club types)(not saying get shit faced either). Mingle, make new friends, become somewhat of a regular and the rest is history. Also workout. It will help restore confidence.

[NoLimit]

Telling the OP to emulate a "high functioning sociopath" does not conclude a thread, no.

Pretty please?

[Stelio Kontos]

It's fun giving advice like there's only one way to do things!

Julian, figure out what works for you. If it's just hanging out with friends and family, do it. If it's going out and meeting new girls, do it. No one's advice is 100% right all the time, not even a mods :P

You need to look inside and see what works, and don't care what others think about it, whether they think it's just something THEY think only high schoolers and college kids do, or just moping around the house crying to friends while wearing a snuggie.

I'm 30,I lost my gf and fiance of 7 years, and chilling out at home and waiting for it to blow over didn't work for me. At all. Getting out there and having some fun did. So don't let people try and tell you what THEY think you should do. Get some input from different folks, sure, but at the end of the day, only you know what will help you. No one else does with any certainty.

[Mavian]

I know that feel.

Almost the same situation. Fiancee left me a 3 months before the wedding (which would've been the end of the month). Came out of the blue and hit me in the face. Saying there was nothing wrong with me and I was who I was but she wasn't happy with it anymore and wanted to move to California and do something different. Had been together nearly 5 years. Was real shitty and she did it on a night where I had a lot of surprises and dinner planned so it was one of my worst nights. The worst is when they don't communicate that there was problems, so there's no ability to resolve it. They just hold it in til it's a breaking point and that's it, it's over.

The good part of this is you dodged a bullet. I didn't think so at first either, but you'll come to see that. A person who can up and do something with no explanation or closure or ability to convey their feelings isn't a person you wanna live life with through good and bad.

Me personally? I drank a lot for a week. Bought a bunch of stuff I didn't need. None of it helped. Then I started working out more, which did help. Got more energy. Went out and tried some new stuff even if I didn't like it. Lived a bit. Friends help a lot too. End of the month I'm moving out of state and heading to a new job that pays more.

In the end, I'm in a better place. Dealt with some bullshit and learned what it was to have my heart really broken. Came out the other side better. You will too as long as you don't let her "ghost" keep you down. Sometimes you gotta move on. It's only been a week, so you'll feel shitty for awhile, but it'll pass as long as you let it pass. If you hold on to that flame, it'll only hurt more and to be frank, she's not worth it. She pulled a terrible move and in all likelihood? She probably has another guy groomed and saddled (as mine did). They say men get cold feet, but same happens to women and they're just as big a dicks about it.