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  1. #21
    I've just got my first job interview in two years!

    Until then I'm going to have to sign on.

  2. #22
    "Whistle while you work"

    In hindsight, this is probably not the best of ways to hold down a job at the library.

  3. #23
    I've been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately.

    The most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!"

  4. #24

  5. #25
    How ironic:

    Our first Gold Medal in the London Olympics was for women reversing.

  6. #26
    If you want to know why the Brits are so good at cycling....

    Then just take a look at the cost of public transport.

  7. #27
    My girlfriend was looking through my DVD collection. "What's 'Fight Club'? I've never heard of it," she said.

    It's good to see the system's working.

  8. #28
    "What do we want?"

    "A cure for bipolarity!"

    "When do we want it?"

    "We don't want it anymore!"

  9. #29
    "knock, knock," I said to my blind mate.

    "Who's there?" He asked.

    "Doctor,"

    "Doctor who?"

    "Correct!" I giggled.

    "I see what you did there," he replied.

    And that's when I reported him for benefit fraud.

  10. #30

  11. #31
    I don't understand Super Mario.

    Bowser kidnaps his girlfriend dozens of times, and yet he still invites him go-karting.

  12. #32
    So I'm at the bar and a beautiful lady has just sat on the seat next to mine.

    Now it's only a matter of time before nothing happens.

  13. #33
    What is the opposite of Imagination ?

    I have no idea.

  14. #34
    What's an Australians least favourite TV channel?

    UK Gold.

  15. #35
    A couple of weeks ago I knew nothing about the Olympics, now I can't wait for next year's.

  16. #36
    I saw a scouser walking down the road with a sign saying, "& Emergency" tucked under his arm.

    "Where did you get that from?" I asked.

    He said, "I found it by Accident."

  17. #37
    Spelling is important, look! The difference between won and one:

    Great Britain have just won gold.

    Australia have just one gold.

  18. #38
    I said to the pharmacist, "Can you recommend something for a constant headache?"

    He said, "Have you tried marriage?"

  19. #39
    I'll have to ring up Sky and get them to send me out a new box as mine seems to be faulty.

    I went on TV listings for entertainment and Channel 5 popped up.

  20. #40

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