Judging By Physical Appearance

[Deleted]

Appearance do matter, just not a lot online. If you think bad of fat people in RL then you will probably think bad about people who are fat on the internet, but you'll be much more inclinded to not pay as much attention to it as you would in RL.

But honestly you should stay away from posting pictures of yourself on the internet to people you don't know in RL, nobody really thinks less of you if they can't see you so it's lose/lose really imo.

[Drakain]

Everyone judges by physical appearance and if they say otherwise they're either lying, being insincere, or are truly naive.

Let me qualify that - a blind person probably doesn't judge by appearance. If you can see, though, you're using appearance as factor in how you interact with a person.

[Raunchy]

Online it really doesnt matter, but in real life.... YES!

[Grraarrgghh]

The morbidly obese can be hard to converse with online...

...nothing like hanging out in vent waiting for everyone to show up for a raid and having to listen to Chubs McButterfat noisily gasp and wheeze into his "active-on-voice" headset.

[Kirse]

when dealing with people online (whether it be WoW or elsewhere, does your opinion of them change when you find out what they look like.

Sometimes, but usually it's a character judgement based on appearance. If they look artsy I'm happy because we'd have that in common, if they look too young I may treat them differently afterwards (being more careful not to say anything inappropriate), and people who look mean are off-putting to me. I'll try not to treat them differently, but in my experience people who appear "mean" to me often are.

And does physical appearance play any role in determining if you would be friends with someone you met in reality?

Only when it comes to romantic relationships, and I try to fight my "shallow" side. Even if someone is unattractive, it doesn't take long for me to like how they look due to familiarity and caring for them. As a teen I cared more about how others would think of me if I were seen with them, but in adulthood I only care if I'm attracted to them.

One of my best friends is with a man who is missing his lower jaw. She's finds his face more attractive than a stereotypically good-looking guy that she dated because she loves his eyes and the kindness in his face.

[Kerath]

Everyone judges by physical appearance and if they say otherwise they're either lying, being insincere, or are truly naive.

Let me qualify that - a blind person probably doesn't judge by appearance. If you can see, though, you're using appearance as factor in how you interact with a person.

That wasn't the question though. Almost everything about an individual will influence how you interact with them - age, apparent social status, appearance, gender, so on and do forth - at least your initial, superficial interactions with them.
Whether that will influence on whether you become friends with them, is another matter.

[Drakain]

That wasn't the question though. Almost everything about an individual will influence how you interact with them - age, apparent social status, appearance, gender, so on and do forth - at least your initial, superficial interactions with them.
Whether that will influence on whether you become friends with them, is another matter.

I thought this was the question:

And does physical appearance play any role in determining if you would be friends with someone you met in reality?

[Myrrar]

I thought this was the question:

Yes, and you're saying do you judge people based off that. People judge everyone in some form, including their friends. I think my friends taste in music is shit. I'm judging him. I'm not being friends or not being friends with him based on that.

Difference between the two. Everyone judges everyone on everything in some form. Letting those conclusions dictate friendships is the question.

[Atlim]

I cannot bring myself to deal with morbid obesity. I can't have friends with screwed up teeth or excessive acne.

I'm sorry but acne or screwed up teeth? Teeth I can see if it's due to never caring for them at all so if that's what you mean fine, I just hope you don't mean gaps or slightly yellow (my city has tap water that's cleaner than bottled water, but it turns your teeth slightly yellow due to something they put in it).

The acne part is what really gets me, paritally because I myself struggle with acne (not so much my face, I get it bad on my arms and shoulders), and I know that even trying very hard can do nothing to help yourself sometimes. My sister spent years and money on numerous different products trying to clear hers up even somewhat.

Edit: Also it's human nature to judge (even if only a tiny bit) based off appearance. I try not to let it stop me from getting to know people, but sometimes it does get in the way, even though I'm definitely not the best looking (very skinny but close to 6 feet so I'm lanky, large teeth).

[Vasti]

It does and I am embarrassed that it does.
Stupid superficial me!

[Kerath]

I thought this was the question:

Yes, that was the question, not: do you judge them? but: do you let that determine whether you'll be friends with someone?
There is quite a big difference there.
You're right, everyone DOES judge those around them to a greater or lesser extent based on appearance (as well as a host of other things) - but you can decide to be friends with someone either because of, or in spite of those judgements.

[Drakain]

Yes, and you're saying do you judge people based off that. People judge everyone in some form, including their friends. I think my friends taste in music is shit. I'm judging him. I'm not being friends or not being friends with him based on that.

Difference between the two. Everyone judges everyone on everything in some form. Letting those conclusions dictate friendships is the question.

However, someone taste in music isn't something that's usually immediately apparent unless you have some contextual information - like you meet a music concert or something like that. Someone's physical appearance is - almost literally - the first thing you see. That influences how you'll interact with that person and if you find something physically repulsive (a judgment) or something about how they appear that makes you uncomfortable (a judgment) then it's pretty unlikely that relationship is going to progress friendship.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that. A lot of what informs people biases is past experience of what works for them and what doesn't. I'm also not saying that it's necessarily desirable for people to base their decision on whose their friend solely on how they appear. I'm saying that appearance is an important factor that people DO use, which I think is responsive to the question. Sure, there are other factors, but I think appearance is a big one.

---------- Post added 2012-07-18 at 08:14 PM ----------

Yes, that was the question, not: do you judge them? but: do you let that determine whether you'll be friends with someone?
There is quite a big difference there.
You're right, everyone DOES judge those around them to a greater or lesser extent based on appearance (as well as a host of other things) - but you can decide to be friends with someone either because of, or in spite of those judgements.

Ah. I guess I don't really understand how 'judgment' isn't inexorably linked to decisions pertaining to how you interact with someone. It seems to me that if you look at someone, and you don't like their appearance, and based on that you decide not to talk to them that entails a judgment you've made concerning that person. It seems to me that behavior would preclude your ability to make friends with that person.

[Kerath]

However, someone taste in music isn't something that's usually immediately apparent unless you have some contextual information - like you meet a music concert or something like that. Someone's physical appearance is - almost literally - the first thing you see. That influences how you'll interact with that person and if you find something physically repulsive (a judgment) or something about how they appear that makes you uncomfortable (a judgment) then it's pretty unlikely that relationship is going to progress friendship.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that. A lot of what informs people biases is past experience of what works for them and what doesn't. I'm also not saying that it's necessarily desirable for people to base their decision on whose their friend solely on how they appear. I'm saying that appearance is an important factor that people DO use, which I think is responsive to the question. Sure, there are other factors, but I think appearance is a big one.

You're overthinking it, I reckon.
I may look at an ugly guy and think Christ, he's a bit of an ugly fucker. That won't stop me being friends with him if he's a good laugh. It's not like I have to sleep with the bloke.

[Deleted]

Wtf is this bullshit? Friends don't have to be physically attractive to you, defeats the whole point of friendship, which is supposed to be a non sexual relationship. All that matters is that you enjoy spending time with them.

[Drakain]

You're overthinking it, I reckon.
I may look at an ugly guy and think Christ, he's a bit of an ugly fucker. That won't stop me being friends with him if he's a good laugh. It's not like I have to sleep with the bloke.

I understand that. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying friends have to be attractive to you. I'm saying that how someone appears to you is an important factor that influences whether you become friends in the first place. It's conceivable, for example, that you could become great friends a pan handler with poor hygiene in filthy, smelly cloths based on the fact that he actually has a really great personality. But it's not likely because the first hurtle is that you have to get to the point that you learn about his personality. That's my point, and it holds true at all levels.

I remember in High School I had a friend that absolutely obsessed about one of my buddies that played soccer. I told her he was a nice guy, and the she should talk to him, she adamantly refused because she made certain judgments about him that really only had to do with his appearance. I'd like to point out that in that situation it wasn't that my friend was ugly, it was that there was something about his appearance that made her feel insecure. That's all I'm saying.

I'm not defending it, I'm not saying it always right, but it happens, and I think if everyone is being honest, they'll acknowledge that about themselves. If you look at it that way, it really makes you wonder about some of the decisions you do make and hopefully encourage you to be a better person and move past making blanket conclusions based merely appearance.

[Kerath]

I understand that. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying friends have to be attractive to you. I'm saying that how someone appears to you is an important factor that influences whether you become friends in the first place. It's conceivable, for example, that you could become great friends a pan handler with poor hygiene in filthy, smelly cloths based on the fact that he actually has a really great personality. But it's not likely because the first hurtle is that you have to get to the point that you learn about his personality. That's my point, and it holds true at all levels.

You've got a point indeed, but in real world situations, you tend to make friends via people you already know. It's quite rare that you'd befriend a random stranger, no matter what they look like.

I remember in High School I had a friend that absolutely obsessed about one of my buddies that played soccer. I told her he was a nice guy, and the she should talk to him, she adamantly refused because she made certain judgments about him that really only had to do with his appearance. I'd like to point out that in that situation it wasn't that my friend was ugly, it was that there was something about his appearance that made her feel insecure. That's all I'm saying.

When we're younger we do tend to be more shallow and let appearances influence us more strongly. As we mature, we learn to move past those snap judgements (not completely, granted, but they definitely have less of a hold over us).

I'm not defending it, I'm not saying it always right, but it happens, and I think if everyone is being honest, they'll acknowledge that about themselves. If you look at it that way, it really makes you wonder about some of the decisions you do make and hopefully encourage you to be a better person and move past making blanket conclusions based merely appearance.

You're preaching to the converted, friend

[Deleted]

There's a difference between somebody being "ugly" and somebody whose not taking care of his/her personal hygiene or appearance in general. What I mean is that if you are walking in complete straps, oily hair and smell like a dump you shouldn't wonder if nobody wants to be near you.

Personal appearance isn't just a "part" of your image and personality, it is a huge part of it.

[frogger237]

Either they wanted to turn you into a cybersex/webcam buddy and were hoping you were more attractive or what ever they were disappointed about, or they just built up a mental image of what you looked like and were just surprised you looked so different.

[Myrrar]

However, someone taste in music isn't something that's usually immediately apparent unless you have some contextual information - like you meet a music concert or something like that. Someone's physical appearance is - almost literally - the first thing you see. That influences how you'll interact with that person and if you find something physically repulsive (a judgment) or something about how they appear that makes you uncomfortable (a judgment) then it's pretty unlikely that relationship is going to progress friendship.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that. A lot of what informs people biases is past experience of what works for them and what doesn't. I'm also not saying that it's necessarily desirable for people to base their decision on whose their friend solely on how they appear. I'm saying that appearance is an important factor that people DO use, which I think is responsive to the question. Sure, there are other factors, but I think appearance is a big one.

---------- Post added 2012-07-18 at 08:14 PM ----------



Ah. I guess I don't really understand how 'judgment' isn't inexorably linked to decisions pertaining to how you interact with someone. It seems to me that if you look at someone, and you don't like their appearance, and based on that you decide not to talk to them that entails a judgment you've made concerning that person. It seems to me that behavior would preclude your ability to make friends with that person.

That was just an example. I have boy and girl friends I don't find at all attractive. That has nothing to do with if I'm friends with them or not. The question is not 'do you judge people based on the outside'. The question is 'Do you base your friendships off what's on the outside'.

[Jackmoves]

Wtf is this bullshit? Friends don't have to be physically attractive to you, defeats the whole point of friendship, which is supposed to be a non sexual relationship. All that matters is that you enjoy spending time with them.

A mate does not need to be physically attractive but if someone is engaged in self-destructive behaviour they can do it without me being close mates with them. Had one of my best mates gotten hooked on drugs(an example) I would do my best to sort them out but we are talking about learning to know someone new and in that case I'd stay clear of it, same goes for fatties that got no intention on changing their diet or shaping up, it's right up there with doing drugs on a regular basis as far as I'm concerned as both things lead to the decay of ones body and that in return leads to a negative effect on ones physical appearance, it also shows lack of character to me(unless it's some kind of genetical issue). Maybe I'm harsh but I don't really care tbh.

People looking after themselves is important to me and it's not really because I think it's important that they look good but because I want friends that stay healthy. It's a crap load of work and drama to sort someone out that have problems and a random person that is on his/her road to destruction is not something I wish to engage myself in. I understand if some people might think it's a fucked up way to look at it but I had a mate that was on the bottle quite heavily and it was tough going chaing him around, I would do it again for a good friend but not for a random I barely know.