Physical Attraction in a Relationship

[Deleted]

from my experience the physical attraction generally has to be there to get the ball rolling, personality then dictates if it will then become a relationship or just casual sex =p

I agree with you

[The Ogdru Jahad]

I may be shallow but when I was deciding who I wanted to take to prom, I based my choice on looks first, and then personality. I wouldn't go with someone I wasn't attracted to sexually. I could see a relationship being similar, except personality has a greater weight overall. If I'm not attracted to someone sexually, they're just a friend and nothing more. There has to be physical attraction for there to be any chance of a relationship.

I'd say, no matter how much people defend that they aren't shallow, deep down, looks DO matter.

[Total Crica]

must be different for straight women or maybe its just me but if a really hot guy's personality "turns me off" then I no longer find him "physically" attractive either...IE: I have "zero" interest in having sex with him

[Buttfear]

I prefer a woman that 5-7 out of 10 for looks, anything above that requires too much maintenance and I'm too aggressive to deal with guys constantly checking out my woman.

She must have a beautiful smile and personality.

[Enders]

For me, as long as a girl has a reasonably cute face (doesn't even have to be amazingly gorgeous, just not hideous), then personality is all I care about.

[Deleted]

The way I see it is physical attraction is what starts a relationship and personality is what makes you stay

[Total Crica]

i have a question - do any of you believe we freely choose what we are "physically" attracted to without any coercion? or do you all believe we are "conditioned" to be "physically" attracted to certain things? or do you all simply believe we all are "born" with what we are "physically" attracted to? or perhaps we are "born" inclined to be "physically" attracted to certian things, but can be "conditioned" later to be "physically" attracted to other things or different things?

[pocky_rin]

i have a question - do any of you believe we freely choose what we are "physically" attracted to with any coercion? or do you all believe we are "conditioned" to be "physically" attracted to certain things? or do you all simply believe we all are "born" with what we are "physically" attracted to? or perhaps we are "born" inclined to be "physically" attracted to certian things, but can be "conditioned" later to be "physically" attracted to other things or different things?

1 - Nope, I don't think we choose.
2 - I think we can be conditioned yes, there's a lot to be said for the power of an average looking person charming you and making you feel good.
3 - I don't think we're born with it really, maybe for the first love but then we adapt.
4 - Yeah I'd say your last sentence makes the most sense, I mean it's kinda like if you grow up being attracted to bad boys, but then when you date one you feel like shit so you are conditioned to go after nicer people instead haha. I've definitely dated people that are the polar opposite of my husband.

[Total Crica]

1 - Nope, I don't think we choose.
2 - I think we can be conditioned yes, there's a lot to be said for the power of an average looking person charming you and making you feel good.
3 - I don't think we're born with it really, maybe for the first love but then we adapt.
4 - Yeah I'd say your last sentence makes the most sense, I mean it's kinda like if you grow up being attracted to bad boys, but then when you date one you feel like shit so you are conditioned to go after nicer people instead haha. I've definitely dated people that are the polar opposite of my husband.

im not talking about personalities - im talking about looks...IE: being attracted to people with a square jaw line and not a shallow jaw line, etc...being attracted to people with "younger" features or being attracted to people with "big legs",etc...

[Arthur-the-exalted]

My friend and I were discussing the importance of finding your significant other attractive. He argued that physical attraction did not matter, and that personality was the key. While I do believe personality is vastly more important, I think it's also important to be attracted to that person. I'm not saying you have to find them to be better than sliced bread, just that you should have at least some sort of attraction to their physical appearance. He's currently in a situation where he's interested in a girl, but has told me he is not physically attracted to this person at all. Not to say he finds her ugly though. More along the lines of neutral. He described it as "she's just there", in terms of appearance. What are you thoughts on the matter Mmo-Champion?

hmmm well I do think personality>looks, there is this girl i have been well in love with since high school, I always viewed her as cute, and everyone else saw her as normal and what not and could no understand why I like this girl over my girlfriend of the time who most guys wanted to bone...and it was her personality, my gf was a rude bitch of a girl and I just started seeing her as a troll...I never view the other girl in any sexual ways because for me just being able to hold her was well enough. But I do think you need like 80/20 on this.

[pocky_rin]

im not talking about personalities - im talking about looks...IE: being attracted to people with a square jaw line and not a shallow jaw line, etc...being attracted to people with "younger" features or being attracted to people with "big legs",etc...

ah, I think that too changes over time, I can't think of anything physically similar between boyfriends either.

[Spectral]

With few exceptions, the people that date individuals that they aren't physically attracted to are people who aren't attractive themselves. I suppose that sounds insulting, but it's not really intended to be. At some point, if you're not attractive, you've got to exercise a bit of self awareness and realize that if you want to be with someone, you'll have to compromise.

For the typical average looking schlub like myself, I'd say that physical attraction is always the starting point for a relationship.

[Total Crica]

With few exceptions, the people that date individuals that they aren't physically attracted to are people who aren't attractive themselves. I suppose that sounds insulting, but it's not really intended to be. At some point, if you're not attractive, you've got to exercise a bit of self awareness and realize that if you want to be with someone, you'll have to compromise.

For the typical average looking schlub like myself, I'd say that physical attraction is always the starting point for a relationship.

erm...beauty is in the eye of the beholder - what YOU find unattractive, someone else may find attractive - saying that someone is ugly is just your opinion that may not be shared by everyone =P

[Spectral]

erm...beauty is in the eye of the beholder - what YOU find unattractive, someone else may find attractive - saying that someone is ugly is just your opinion that may not be shared by everyone =P

True enough. I tried to phrase my comment in such a way that doesn't focus on a nominal standard of beauty, but rather on that eye of the beholder. Some people date individuals they don't find attractive, I know this because I've talked to people that feel this way! Attraction can develop over time with emotional vestment, it doesn't have to be present up front.

I wouldn't say I actually have a point though...

[Kerath]

i have a question - do any of you believe we freely choose what we are "physically" attracted to without any coercion? or do you all believe we are "conditioned" to be "physically" attracted to certain things? or do you all simply believe we all are "born" with what we are "physically" attracted to? or perhaps we are "born" inclined to be "physically" attracted to certian things, but can be "conditioned" later to be "physically" attracted to other things or different things?

Good question. I don't know much about psychology, so feel to take what I say with a pinch of salt.
I think there are certain traits we are physically attracted to 'naturally'. However, within and around that, there is a vast array of things that we're attracted to - a lot of that must be conditioned, or learned.
Speaking on behalf of myself, my tastes in what I find physically/sexually attractive in men have changed dramatically over the last 10 years.
I also find that how physicallyattractive I find someone after getting to know them a little, is a lot more heavily influenced by their personality these days.
If someone is extremely good looking, but I find their personality off putting, I find them less 'stirring' physically - I start to notice any tiny flaw (even gorgeous people have flaws) and start to feel vaguely repulsed by them.
Our brains are weird.

[Spectral]

i have a question - do any of you believe we freely choose what we are "physically" attracted to without any coercion? or do you all believe we are "conditioned" to be "physically" attracted to certain things? or do you all simply believe we all are "born" with what we are "physically" attracted to? or perhaps we are "born" inclined to be "physically" attracted to certian things, but can be "conditioned" later to be "physically" attracted to other things or different things?

I think there's a good chunk of both involved. I wouldn't say we choose who we're attracted to, but I wouldn't say we're born with it either, or that it's set in stone by genetics. Very life experiences and other factors play in, without a doubt. For example, I'm a white guy in the US that generally prefers to date women of East Asian ancestry. I just find them more attractive. It would make something approaching zero sense to think this was genetic or otherwise innate.

[Ashnazg]

I would rate physical attraction far below personality attraction. After all you can get a piece of ass on the side if you want, but quality women are really hard to come by.

[Reeve]

If there's no physical attraction, then you're good friends. Nothing more.

While I personally rate personality above physical attraction, the initial 'spark' needs to be there still. You need to find them attractive, or else as said above: you're friends.

While I agree with you, I think a lot more of that initial "spark" is chemical than is looks. There should be some basic level of looks, but the spark itself often has little to do with looks. I've been more attracted to some women who shouldn't have been attractive than I have been to women I think look really good a lot of the time. Physical attraction is more than just looks.

[Byakko85]

I agree somewhat with the people saying physical attraction is what starts the relationship and personality is what keeps it going.

But if that physical attraction doesn't last, personality is not strong enough alone to keep a relationship healthy. (For most couples)

If you lose interest in your partner physically, it will change your attitude towards them even if you don't notice it.

[Gothicshark]

I have found that physical attraction is a lot more important that personality, you might enjoy someones company but never think to date them, while constantly dating people for looks.

Idealistic people try to deny this truth, and yet they either never date or date exactly opposite what they say.