How do you control jealousy?

[Deleted]

How do you control jealousy?

I've had bad experiences with jealousy, and now that I finally hooked out with this lovely woman I need to get this under control. I do not fear her cheating on others and she's not the type of girl that would randomly kiss a boy.

I had a lot of problems in the past with jealousy. My first relationship got destroyed because I kept calling her each time she went out to "check" on her. My 2nd relationship was already doomed but I got back what I deserved. This girl was over jealousy and kept calling me each night and asking me where I was.

Now this is probably my 7th relationship I'm in and I want things to be serious. We chatted and had some dates and we liked eachother, so we kind of made it official this monday. Now she's gone for 2 weeks and I already feel my jealousy taking me over...

[KomlinEx]

I've had jealousy problems in the past and have REALLY had to get over them because my current girlfriend has mostly guy friends + long distance. Personally, just constantly think of the reasons you have to not be jealous and always remind yourself that she's chosen to be with you, even after a short period of time. Just roll with it, there's nothing to worry about, think of it as having some you time. If you want to talk her even when she's out just tell her that, but don't question her actions. I like to text my girlfriend when she's out and randomly call if I'm bored or am out and have a moment. I have come across at times as overly questioning at times and have reevaluated myself because of it. So, in my opinion just trust her. :]

[Lyriok]

Simple, Don't fall in love with anyone.

[Deleted]

I dont know. I thought ive gotten over this one girl, however I dream about her frequently (not that kind of dreams) we would just hold hands, talk and just be together. Its funny because its been so long since I talked to her.

[Ynna]

For me it's simple: I never get jealous.

[Zaelsino]

Just try and be rational about it. Having to know where she is at any given time is just excessive; remind yourself of that first sentence you typed, and leave it at that.

Showing some occasional concern in this vein is good. It lets her know that you care and that she's valued. Being needlessly overbearing (and assuming the worst, making worthless assumptions, etc.) is death to a good relationship, though; it gives the impression of insecurity, and that isn't an attractive quality. Quite the opposite.

In this scenario (her going away for a fortnight), it's perfectly normal to inquire about what she's up to. Don't overdo it, and apply that mindset in a wider regard.

[greysinsanderson]

you can't control jealousy as much as you hide it. we are what we are and it doesn't get better. when we care about something, everything that threatens that relationship (to a person, a team, a country) becomes our enemy

most of society is about controlling what makes us human, we have to bite our tongue for the sake of the greater good and while i don't think this is right or wrong, it allows us to live a less stressful life. i've lived in places where you wondered if a drive-by would take your life in the middle of the night and i've lived in places where you can leave your car and door's unlocked and nobody will bother them.

the latter is far better to deal with

[lopk]

For me it's simple: I never get jealous.

It's a simple trolly answer, but it's actually, erhm...useful.

Why get jealous if she's gone for 2 weeks? Thinks she's going to cheat on you? Simple - ask what she did during that time.

If she says cheat on you, you have every right to be jelous...or more likely, furious. If she says no, believe her, and move on. If she says no, and you don't believe her, that's your fault and you've got trust issues.

Now that I reread what I wrote though, it seems I explained why you shouldn't be jealous, not how to get over it. Honestly, the best way to get over it is just relax and assume that she's not lying to you. Hint hint, she probably isn't.

...Unless she says she's "fine". Then you're probably in big trouble.

[Verain]

If she cheats on you, that's not a failing of you, but of her.

[gaxkang]

What you're exhibiting isn't an issue of jealousy, it's an issue of trust. I think the better question for you to ask is: why don't I trust anybody I'm with? If you've had these situations with every girl you've been with, you might want to look into why you feel the way you do. Are you confident? Do you have low self-esteem? Do you believe you deserve your partner?

A lot of the time, if you're getting these emotions due to absence, it's because you aren't confident in yourself. If you can't trust your girlfriend to be able to go out and do things by herself without having to worry about whether she's being penised by some dude, something's wrong. Read some books on relaxation. Listen to calming music. Exercise. Distract yourself by spending time with friends, family, pets. Just don't think about it.

[Deleted]

Mostly irrational jealousy is a result of poor self-confidence (either general or in a specific area). Try to find some way to boost your own self-confidence and you'll probably find yourself becoming far less paranoid and jealous and not just when it comes to your girlfriend. Many cities have courses for self-development and improving self-confidence or leadership skills etc, spend some time on google and find out if there is one on near you. If you consider this your own problem and work on it for you, you'll help yourself out to overcome this permanently in the future no matter whether you stay with this girl or end up with a different one.

Edit: Looks like the poster above beat me to it lol

[greysinsanderson]

in reality a lot of people do get cheated on, and a lot don't know. it's life. monogamy isn't how we're made. it's not something to worry about, if you're stressing because you don't trust someone, move on, don't make life suck for both of you trying to deal with it, it will NEVER go away. i've cheated on people, i've been cheated on. people rarely do it out of spite and until you get old enough to not care either way, it will be an issue and once a cheater, always a cheater. just avoid serious relationships for now, you're not mentally ready or even physically ready for them. most aren't.

[MAGAmobile]

Getting better self esteem will make it much easier. Ask yourself how you would deal with someone who would constantly do the same thing to you. If you're still jealous, feign it and let things come as they are. No point in worrying about what *could* happen instead of what actually is. If someone doesn't give you a reason to be suspicious, you're in the clear.

[Deleted]

Build more confidence. That's the only way.

[Deleted]

Don't get jealous.

[KCguy]

It's all about trust. If you don't have that, you won't have a successful relationship. It's as simple as that. You need to figure out how to trust her and when you can, the jealousy will stop. Until that happens, it won't ever work out for you. That's the harsh reality.

[Pickynerd]

cut your dick off.

[Wynnyelle]

I'd love to find a good answer to this question. My boyfriend is insanely protective and jealous, and to some extent I can understand it, but he doesn't even want me hanging out with my male friends, saying that all they want is to get into my pants, which just isn't true. It's very frustrating to deal with. He says that he trusts me, but if that were the case, then I wouldn't think he'd have a problem with me hanging out with my friends.

[nyc81991]

When you notice that you are becoming jealous (which you said is happening) simply tell yourself that you won't allow it to consume you. Take control over yourself, You have that power.

Being able to notice something like that is a big step to being able to control it.

[NeonX]

When I get jealous I normally try and reassure myself and do something to take my mind of the issue that's bothering me.

A little bit rude but normally masturbation provides me with an clear emotional slate, allowing me to get over all the negative emotions I was feeling before hand haha.