How do I tell her?

[Deleted]

That's right, another soppy, overly dramatic thread!

I started uni last year, met a girl on my course and we instantly hit it off. Towards the end of the year I realised that I'd started developing feelings for her and that I was no longer content being just friends with her. However, she'd just started seeing someone a few months earlier and summer was looming, so I decided not to disclose my feelings in hopes that not seeing her for 3 months would set me straight.

I'm going back to uni in a few weeks and so far the holiday hasn't changed a thing: I'm still obsessed with her - even though I'm keeping myself busy most of the time - and can't seem to move on. Therefore, I've decided to confess my feelings to her, which would hopefully give me some much-needed closure and allow me to move on with my life.

So how do I go about telling her? It would all be incredibly simple if she was single, but she's most likely still in her relationship (I have no way of knowing for sure short of asking her directly). As much as I enjoy her company, I can't stay friends with her because friendship is no longer sufficient for me. I feel I have to tell her instead of simply blanking her as that wouldn't accomplish anything and she'd constantly try to get into contact with me. We're quite close and seeing her constantly while bottling up the feelings would just further imbalance me and turn me into a miserable, angry individual. I've been disguising my feelings quite well so I imagine it would come as a massive shock to her. I'd rather not hurt her but I don't see a way out of this without coming clean - how do I tell her?

[vizzle]

"Hey, would you like to maybe go out and see a movie? I heard X was pretty good."
"Oh yea, sure! Should I call FriendA and FriendB to come along with us?"
"Well no, I was thinking perhaps it could be just you and me."
"Oh, okay. Yeah, sure "

[Kalis]

If you aren't mature enough to handle someone you like being in a relationship, then you aren't mature enough to be in a relationship either.

[Grraarrgghh]

If you aren't mature enough to handle someone you like being in a relationship, then you aren't mature enough to be in a relationship either.

Words of wisdom here.

As someone who has been on both ends of this, being that guy who tries to shoehorn himself between two people because he is too selfish to deal with his own problems makes you a dick.

[Deleted]

As someone who has been on both ends of this, being that guy who tries to shoehorn himself between two people because he is too selfish to deal with his own problems makes you a dick.

That's my point exactly - I'm not sure whether I should tell her for my own sake or just bite the bullet, stay away from their relationship and wait until (if) she's single.

[Gheld]

That's right, another soppy, overly dramatic thread!

I started uni last year

Then you should be old enough to figure it out for yourself.

You tell her how you feel the same way you tell somebody the sky is blue.

[vizzle]

That's my point exactly - I'm not sure whether I should tell her for my own sake or just bite the bullet, stay away from their relationship and wait until (if) she's single.

Well you said you don't even know if she's in a relationship with him or not. If you guys were really close enough you could ask her subtly without her knowing you had any further implications, so just ask her how that guy's doing and she'll tell you or at least give you hints.

Stop making this more complicated than it is. Just be out with it, don't tell her your feelings if she's with another guy, and if you do tell her, don't but don't be too sappy -- RL isn't a rom-com.

[dispatchcrab]

Do exactly this :

go up too her and be like " hey, I just met you and this is crazy but heres my number and call me maybe? "

if that dosnt work she clearly isnt right for you

GET ON IT SON

[Kalis]

That's my point exactly - I'm not sure whether I should tell her for my own sake or just bite the bullet, stay away from their relationship and wait until (if) she's single.

Use emotional blackmail, or sulk like a child...hmm, tough choice.

[Grraarrgghh]

That's my point exactly - I'm not sure whether I should tell her for my own sake or just bite the bullet, stay away from their relationship and wait until (if) she's single.

If you really appreciate her as a friend, keep it that way. Making her current relationship complicated isn't going to endear her to you in any way. If she has grown feelings towards you, she will pull away from her current boyfriend naturally.

However, there's no reason to try and fuck up some other guys relationship, unless you're some dick-swinging alpha who is three NO!s away from daterape.

[Symphonic]

Just ask her to do X thing, like mini golf, or bowling, and dinner, and see if she wants to go. If she says no, I have a boyfriend. no harm done. if she says yes, then awesome for you.

[bbr]

Just,. ask.

I know - it is very difficult, especially if you like her a lot.
But, in the long term you have to realize one thing, and this one thing only.

----
Would you prefer to live your life, knowing that you tried and failed. And were thus able to move along and find someone better.
Or in doubt, always wondering whether she might have said "yes"? Thus leaving you single, bitter, and possibly spoiling your current relationship with thoughts of "what might have been".
----

Suck it up, and go ask if she'd be interested in seeing a movie together sometime, or hang out / go for a drink, whatever you think she might enjoy.

[fishface]

That's my point exactly - I'm not sure whether I should tell her for my own sake or just bite the bullet, stay away from their relationship and wait until (if) she's single.

geez bro you shouldn't be doing this sort of thing at uni.

If you've hid your feelings like you said then she'll have no idea that you've been into her. I hate to say it but there is 0% chance that she'll want to be in a relationship with you, even if she's in a relationship. You need to either explain your feelings to her and pretty much say goodbye to your friendship (at least for a few months) or keep it to yourself and move on by finding someone else (and this time being a little more proactive in the chase).

The most important thing you need to understand right now is she's not going to want to be your girlfriend.

[blackblade]

Well you said you don't even know if she's in a relationship with him or not. If you guys were really close enough you could ask her subtly without her knowing you had any further implications, so just ask her how that guy's doing and she'll tell you or at least give you hints.

Stop making this more complicated than it is. Just be out with it, don't tell her your feelings if she's with another guy, and if you do tell her, don't but don't be too sappy -- RL isn't a rom-com.

protip: ask, "How is so-and-so?" (the name of potential boyfriend being so-and-so)

If she says: "Oh, he's fine" you're out of luck
that's pretty much the universal entrance to complain about so-and-so.
If she's got a lot of negative things to say, then you should probably admit your feelings. otherwise, you're on the waiting list. (sorry.)

[Dragoncurry]

Iono man, jus put it out there, she might hate her bf or some shit.

[Hyve]

If she is in a relationship, just stay away from it. Don't be that douche that ruins it for another bloke, because you want a shot at the hot girl in the class, and ruin it for all three of you.

If she is single, just tell her.

You're not 9, man up!

[Fraza]

No worries, I'll tell you what to do.

First you'll need to get her really really drunk.. then see where it goes from there.

[Razorice]

as many people said above, only tell her IF she is single. Ruining a relationship between people is very selfish and low.

[Deleted]

as many people said above, only tell her IF she is single. Ruining a relationship between people is very selfish and low.

Yea, this is true, although it probably wont ruin anything, it woulds just put her into awkward position trying to figure out how to say no without ruining the friendship you have.

In any event if she is single, I think the best way is to start showing interest in her, asking her out more and involving romance, restaurants, walking on starry nights. Us girls aren't stupid, if you give the signs, no matter what the "friendzoned" guys say. We'll catch on pretty quickly and if we feel the same way, we'll let you know.

[Deleted]

Alright, thanks for the opinions guys. I'll ask her about her relationship status and then I'll go for it if she's single. If she's not, guess there's always more.