It sucks when you can't help your family.

[Bosen]

The people that post here often have some refreshing views on life, so I'll throw this out there and see what you think. I think there isn't anything I can do to help, but maybe you'll have ideas. If nothing else, I'm complaining out of frustration. You guys are the pillow I'll yell into.

I'm visiting with my brother and his family, and they're not dealing with their lives, basically.

Brother and wife work opposite shifts,hate eachother, don't communicate, don't do chores until they run out of something, don't discipline their kids.. everything is half-assed but they won't get a divorce or work things out because they're lazy and there are perks to being together money-wise.

One child may be autistic, and they refuse to address it because they don't want him labeled autistic. They pulled him from school this year and say they'll homeschool, but that isn't going to happen because of their shifts.

Is this any of my business even? I say no pretty much, except for my nephew's case. I told my brother that the sooner they can get a diagnosis for his son, the sooner they can take appropriate action to help him. He has a right to an education, even if it isn't traditional, and there's no shame in him having autism if that's what he has. At least see some experts and know. The kid doesn't like school and so he throws a fit and they cave. For all we know, it might be case of him being an uncooperative shithead because he hasn't heard the word "no" enough. He's worse off without school. I love him, so I spoke up. My brother's going to do what's easy for himself, not the kid.

I've stayed out of the other bs, but it is crazymaking. I do some of their chores to help them out, but it makes no difference. They have a dishwasher, but no one will do the dishes. If left to their own devices, the dishes pile into the sky, the laundry room is full of laundry all over the floor. No structure, no solid bedtime for the kids, no follow up on anything.

They live exclusively off of fast food and junk food. Nothing but pure white starch breads. They are a wreck. I once spoke up on behalf of the children about the food, because they always have a bad mood and never eat vegetables at all. My brother says it doesn't matter because the kids take a vitamin.

It's one of those situations where they ask your advice, you tell them what they should do to be healthier and they just keep on being like this. Frustrates me only because children are involved and they have so much potential. I also don't like seeing my brother miserable.

The oddest thing to me is how greedy they are on top of everything. They have plenty of money and still hate to share with eachother.

I always thought you are supposed to be there for your family and try not to judge, but to me, they're choosing to do wrong. I wouldn't befriend anyone that lived like this or would condone it.

Do any of you have family that there's no getting through to?

[kivipää]

I have experience with people like that, myself included, although not as bad as your bro. Me and my sister generally only inconvenience ourselves and straighten up at the first sight of negatively impacting others. Other than our obvious differences in empathy, we however are of similar personality than your brother and his wife.
The only advice I really can give you is this; They need to make up their own minds. Every time you mention something, it'll propably make them less likely to straighten up in the matter. That's how this lazy-stubborn type works.

[Deleted]

I have never experienced this and I hope I never will.
I feel bad for your brother not accepting any help in this kind of situation where your kids grow up eating fast food and having no discipline at all.
They do need a divorce and someone to actually take serious care of the children. You can't bloody feed kids with fast food thats just not caring about their health.
I hope my brother never grows up being like this. It would wreck me emotionally.
I wish I had some advice for you You seem like a nice guy but yeah.. This is the real world.
My best advice for them would be divorcing and letting someone else take care of the children. Someone needs to teach them discipline and of course educate them.

[Diraction]

Nearly all of us have clueless relatives who make bad decisions. Society pretty much gives you the freedom to raise your kids however you wish, short of outright child abuse. That's the way it has to be, but the price of that is that some kids have to suffer because their parents suck at parenting. There's not a lot you can do about it. You could invite them over for dinner every now and then and maybe that way get your nephew to eat healthy food at least some of the time, but there's not much else.

Are your parents around? Perhaps they could speak to your brother.