How to get past something you just cant forget?

[StayTuned]

About a month ago a friend of mine died in a car accident.

To make it even worse, I had to witness everything. I was driving as a passenger in another car and while he tried to overtake us, he lost control and hit the mountain face right of us. He died on the spot.

My worst problem is not just that I lost a friend. I kind of accepted the sad fact that hes not going to be around anymore. I just cant forget about the pictures I saw. Him losing control of the car, hitting the mountain, getting thrown out of the window, hitting the stones... I saw everything.

I thought that I was strong enough to "shrug it off", but I just cant. Every time I drive my own car during the night, I see the pictures in front of my inner eye. When someone tries to overtake me, I just cant help myself but to hit the brakes and let the guy overtake me as fast as possible...

Until today, I feel some kind of fear when I sit in a car as a passenger. It just feels extremely uncomfortable.

I told myself... man you are a kid of the internet... youve seen worse but in all honesty, I dont think I'll ever forget those pictures. I mean, his head was... not there anymore... Just writing it down makes everything come back.


If anybody was ever in a similar situation, I would really appreciate if he or she could tell me what I can do to handle those memories. Ive already talked to some friends, but they cant really do anything else but listen to what I have to say and nod...

I welcome every help you guys can offer me. Thanks.


Edit: I thought about professional counseling, but I dont know if I can really afford that. Dont they charge you with some horror €/hour?

[MatadorMedia]

It's called PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) where your body physically relives the experience which makes you anxious or uncomfortable. You can't think your way through it because it's a physical response to a replaying traumatic event.

You should see a therapist that specializes in this. Best technique is to go back in your mind to when you felt you could have done something (ie: telling your driver to slow down, or not getting in the car to start with, or whatever) and then re-create the memory where you were effective in preventing his death. If that doesn't work another technique is to place yourself mentally back in the event where your trauma (ie: seeing your friend die) occurred and then in a safe environment physically acting out what you want to do; by this I mean you were probably in shock and your body really wanted to run or beat the hell out of your friend or whatever. Def see a good trauma therapist though because you (or bad counselors) can actually re-traumatize yourself and make it worse if you do it wrong.

I know this because I am a professional counselor and I just finished a great course on trauma.

[ro9ue]

I can't offer anything other than my condolences. Best of luck to you.

[Creotor]

Maybe, you used to be in a state of mind where you subconsciously thought something like that could never happen to you in particular which provided a "safe" feeling.
Then, you saw it happen up close and realized that this could easily happen to you as well. It's just regular fear of something very... scary that proved to be very real. That's all.

It will fade away with time.

[Deleted]

Sadly I can't do anything apart from nodding either, I'm sorry for you man, noone should ever experience that.

[Dassen]

Time. That's the only thing any of us can suggest that will really make it go away. I lost someone very, very close to me to a bike accident 3 years ago, and there's nothing you can do but suffer through it. It's horrible, awful, revolting, that feeling, but nothing but time can make it truly go away. Stay as strong as you can, and don't block the people around you who love you out. I did that mistake. Going through shit like this all on your own isn't pretty.

[Deleted]

I can tell you what not to do: use alcohol / drugs to try and forget.

I've found the best way to deal with things I've done and seen were to sit down and talk about them with the people that were there as well. It's such a little thing but they're the only people that will ever really understand what you saw... It helps me offload the stuff amongst people that won't judge me or pretend to understand what it's like.

[Deleted]

It will fade eventually, let it take its time

[anveena]

It will get easier as time passes. Just make sure you talk to someone about it. I tried to act like it didn't bother me and pushed away people wanting to talk to me about it, and that turned out to be a giant mistake.

[StayTuned]

Thanks so far to every1 who replied.

Hes not my first friend whom I have lost to an accident. It always took me some time but ultimately I was over it one day. What I just cant handle are those crazy picutres I saw... the whole situation looked like a scene from Final Destination. And thats what really bothers me. Its haunting me to be exact. Some days pass without me even thinking once about it, on other days I am completely stressed out and moody because I have to think about it non-stop. I am basically useless on those days. I just lie around and try to forget it. The harder I try, the more intense the memories become. Its like when you try to think about nothing. Its impossible.

My cousin was driving our car and I tried to talk to him. But I have the feeling that it would only make everything worse.

[Deleted]

Well the event is pretty tragic. It won't just go away. You should probably see a therapist, since the trauma could become even worse. It will take a long time to recover from this though...

[Skippy88]

I just want to say don't try shrug it off. Cry, let it out, vent, talk about it. Do whatever you need to do but don't bottle it in.

[Sayl]

Edit: I thought about professional counseling, but I dont know if I can really afford that. Dont they charge you with some horror €/hour?

Shouldn't be too hard to locate reputable professionals in your area and get an idea of the fees involved. It's really worth looking into. Traumatic experiences of that magnitude never decay to a point in your memory where you can just shrug them off. In my opinion, it would be better to obtain any necessary counseling now and give yourself some peace of mind. You don't want that anxiety to linger over time or affect decisions you make behind the wheel.

[Judge Malthred]

Are you in high school/college? There should be free counseling provided there. And if not look into grief counseling. Not all therapists are sitting in stuff rooms charging $500 an hour to listen to people. You might find a grief counseling center that is funded by the state or town you are in that you can go to for free or at minimal cost.

[Templar 331]

I just want to say don't try shrug it off. Cry, let it out, vent, talk about it. Do whatever you need to do but don't bottle it in.

Pretty much this. Accept it. Don't try to fight it. Come to terms with it. It is very traumatic and will be with you for your entire life. There is no going back to the way it was. I'm sorry you lost a friend but don't punish yourself for what he did. Good luck to you.

[StayTuned]

Are you in high school/college? There should be free counseling provided there. And if not look into grief counseling. Not all therapists are sitting in stuff rooms charging $500 an hour to listen to people. You might find a grief counseling center that is funded by the state or town you are in that you can go to for free or at minimal cost.

University. But I am on my year abroad in my homecountry. I dont know if I can consult our university counselor. I have to see what my options are... but I think they are limited. I dont know whom I could contact in Croatia... maybe something over my work... gotta see.

[Deleted]

cant just scrug it off like that mate, time will

[Knight Gil]

Never try to forget something bad. Rather, try to face and accept it. Only way you can move on

[Cthulhu 2020]

Therapy and meds can both help, but the only true cure is time.

[KCguy]

It'll get easier as time goes on, but honestly it will always be with you. It's life and life sucks at different times in our lives. Some more for others. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. That really is terrible. Maybe you can find a way to honor them. It'll give you some peace of mind.