Addicted to buying things

[TheBeardedOne]

Wow talk about close minded. Not wanting to waste money is one thing, he is addicted to buying things though.

Addiction is thrown around way to much these days when most of it is just about self control. He lives with his parents, got no living expenses or responsibilities of course he is going to waste money. You sound like a out of work therapist trying to drum up business. Therapy is the worst waste of money around.

[Gulvar]

Or, you know, instead of wasting his money on a therapist, he could just say "no."

It's really not that hard to do. The first time is always the hardest, and sure you'll have relapses, but that shouldn't stop anyone.

Yeah. He could talk to someone for free who has experience with his issue or he can listen to the MMO-Champion think tank and just say no. Did you just hear that noise outside? That was the wave of every addiction being cured because we just discovered that all you have to do is say no.

Addictions are almost always a way of poorly self-medicating something. He knows what he doing isn't right and he's telling you that he feels like he can't stop it. What good does "just say no" do here? Not to be overly blunt here but if you're that ignorant of what he may or may not be dealing with, why would you try to stop him from talking to someone? He should be able to talk to someone extremely qualified for free. Most college counseling centers have professors who have either retired from successful practices or younger doctoral level ones with years of experience.

He most likely just has a compulsion that he needs to address. Many times people think they're addicted to something and they really aren't.

[Themius]

Addiction is thrown around way to much these days when most of it is just about self control. He lives with his parents, got no living expenses or responsibilities of course he is going to waste money. You sound like a out of work therapist trying to drum up business. Therapy is the worst waste of money around.

Wow sounds like a crock of shit. Being a person who knows several people who got help from therapy and being out myself, therapy does work.

Do you happen to be one of those people that tried therapy but it failed?

Anyway, addiction can be a way people ease their pain, whatever that may be. Talking to a therapist helps see what the cause of addiction is.

The worst waste of money is sitting around buying things and feeling like you can't stop and never addressing the underlying issue, if there is one.

[Gulvar]

Therapy is the worst waste of money around.

You're bad experience with it doesn't mean his will be.

[Torq]

Yeah. He could talk to someone for free who has experience with his issue or he can listen to the MMO-Champion think tank and just say no. Did you just hear that noise outside? That was the wave of every addiction being cured because we just discovered that all you have to do is say no.

Addictions are almost always a way of poorly self-medicating something. He knows what he doing isn't right and he's telling you that he feels like he can't stop it. What good does "just say no" do here? Not to be overly blunt here but if you're that ignorant of what he may or may not be dealing with, why would you try to stop him from talking to someone? He should be able to talk to someone extremely qualified for free. Most college counseling centers have professors who have either retired from successful practices or younger doctoral level ones with years of experience.

He most likely just has a compulsion that he needs to address. Many times people think they're addicted to something and they really aren't.

Or you're a moron and could realize that I'm addressing this one person in particular, and not actually generalizing his addiction to every addiction.

Because, you know, sometimes when people make statements, sometimes they're really only directing them at an individual, and not at you, as well.

I've known plenty of people who go around saying they "can't say no" and that they're addicted, when all they're really looking for is an excuse to justify their behavior; to absolve themselves of the responsibility. They'll go through psychologists like candy until they meet one who basically tells them what they want to hear; that they're not really in control of their own actions. Then they'll go on their merry way saying "see, I told you so!" and continuing to do it.

Because people are lazy like that. They're stubborn and close-minded when you tell them the problem is them. Sure, a lot of times it actually isn't, but those times usually are about things a little more drastic than "I buy everything I see, when I see it."

Tangent alert!!

[E] I really don't understand people like you, who immediately jump in and defend these people with an even broader generalization, or through some sort of apples-to-oranges comparison (i.e. comparing a physiological addiction to a psychological one, or a compulsive disorder to laziness, etc)

Actually, I take that back, I do understand you. You're just jumping in because you want to contribute your opinion because you're obviously right, and need to demonstrably prove that to the world.

People (in general), make me sick. Every action is just some inane method of trying to demonstrate some sort of superiority over their peers. Be it social, emotional, intellectual, moral, whatever.

Every action.

[Themius]

Actually, I take that back, I do understand you. You're just jumping in because you want to contribute your opinion because you're obviously right, and need to demonstrably prove that to the world.

People (in general), make me sick. Every action is just some inane method of trying to demonstrate some sort of superiority over their peers. Be it social, emotional, intellectual, moral, whatever.

Every action.

You sound like a person who has lost faith in humanity and lack confidence. If you feel everyone is trying to prove they are superior over you by simply doing things most people do. You may indeed have some confidence issue. Perhaps you don't like feeling challenged, even if no one is challenging you. You seem overly hostile and I really don't understand why.

Do you feel your opinion is obviously right on therapy? Your comment made it seem so.

[Gulvar]

Or you're a moron and could realize that I'm addressing this one person in particular, and not actually generalizing his addiction to every addiction.

Because, you know, sometimes when people make statements, sometimes they're really only directing them at an individual, and not at you, as well.

I've known plenty of people who go around saying they "can't say no" and that they're addicted, when all they're really looking for is an excuse to justify their behavior; to absolve themselves of the responsibility. They'll go through psychologists like candy until they meet one who basically tells them what they want to hear; that they're not really in control of their own actions. Then they'll go on their merry way saying "see, I told you so!" and continuing to do it.

Because people are lazy like that. They're stubborn and close-minded when you tell them the problem is them. Sure, a lot of times it actually isn't, but those times usually are about things a little more drastic than "I buy everything I see, when I see it."

Tangent alert!!

[E] I really don't understand people like you, who immediately jump in and defend these people with an even broader generalization, or through some sort of apples-to-oranges comparison (i.e. comparing a physiological addiction to a psychological one, or a compulsive disorder to laziness, etc)

Actually, I take that back, I do understand you. You're just jumping in because you want to contribute your opinion because you're obviously right, and need to demonstrably prove that to the world.

People (in general), make me sick. Every action is just some inane method of trying to demonstrate some sort of superiority over their peers. Be it social, emotional, intellectual, moral, whatever.

Every action.

Naming calling? Did this really resort to that so quickly. You're a class act Torq.

You don't know me Torq. I jumped in because you're talking out of your ass and a thread where someone is asking for advice about a problem in their life isn't the place for that. I was going to reply to your rant more than this but what would the point be? Pretend that your uneducated opinions are facts in a thread about classic cars or something. This isn't the place for them.

[Torq]

You sound like a person who has lost faith in humanity and lack confidence. If you feel everyone is trying to prove they are superior over you by simply doing things most people do. You may indeed have some confidence issue. Perhaps you don't like feeling challenged, even if no one is challenging you. You seem overly hostile and I really don't understand why.

Do you feel your opinion is obviously right on therapy? Your comment made it seem so.

I'm not sure where you're getting the lack of confidence part, because I certainly don't lack that at all. I do, however, not have a whole lot of faith in humanity; mostly because of that worldview I just posited. I've yet to see a single action that cannot be traced back to the ingrained need for superiority that every person appears to have. Even the whole "taking the high road" thing or "being benevolent" all speak to a desire to demonstrate "moral superiority" over someone else (or some other subculture).

Physiologically, it makes sense. The desire to be better than others is the same as is found in every other species' mating rituals and habits, it's just been compounded and obfuscated by the various layers of the human psyche. Where so many different avenues for differentiation are possible within humans, as many avenues (or more) exist for demonstrating superiority in those areas.

It makes sense from the evolutionary perspective, too. After all, every creature has some level of desire to pass on their genetics; and when there's competition for mates, there's need to demonstrate that you're the "right mate." In simpler creatures, this is usually accomplished by being physically superior in some way.

There's no challenge issue. I just think it's tiresome and petty the bickering and fighting we do as a species. Even your diagnosis of the situation could be explained by feeling some need to demonstrate that you know the human mind better than I do; except you're taking it to the next level and attempting to posit that you know my psyche better than I know it, myself. You're also right on some levels; given that my theory states that every action is driven by the desire to be measurably superior, my very stating of the theory is proof of that.

The beauty of the theory, however, is the simplicity. Also, the fact that it has fit everything I've seen in the world so far, even outside of the realm of humanity.

As far as the therapy thing goes; I see a lot of laziness in my country. People, by the thousands, bilking a system that otherwise would be a good thing; running it into the ground because they want a free ride in life. The root cause of it, in my mind? Laziness. Why work for something when you can get it for free? Why strive to better yourself when you can write it off as some sort of disorder, and not actually have to spend the effort making yourself a better person?

It's all pretty pathetic. But it's the way of life.

People really tend to be no more complex than electrons; we like to take the path of least resistance.

Naming calling? Did this really result to that so quickly. You're a class act Torq.

You don't know me Torq. I jumped in because you're talking out of your ass and a thread where someone is asking for advice about a problem in their life isn't the place for that. I was going to reply to your rant more than this but what would the point be? Pretend that your uneducated opinions are facts in a thread about classic cars or something. This isn't the place for them.

You're right, I don't know you. However, just as you did, I'm generalizing you based off of your statements. The difference is that you made a statement about me; I made a statement about someone else, and you took it and attempted to say I was generalizing when I wasn't.

The flipside is also true: you don't know me, and yet here you are, attacking my opinion.

Your opinion is no more educated than mine, and yet apparently you think it is more worthy of sharing. You know me no more than I know you, and yet you feel the need to call me out on something you started.

You see how unbalanced that is?

[Themius]

I'm not sure where you're getting the lack of confidence part, because I certainly don't lack that at all. I do, however, not have a whole lot of faith in humanity; mostly because of that worldview I just posited. I've yet to see a single action that cannot be traced back to the ingrained need for superiority that every person appears to have. Even the whole "taking the high road" thing or "being benevolent" all speak to a desire to demonstrate "moral superiority" over someone else (or some other subculture).

Physiologically, it makes sense. The desire to be better than others is the same as is found in every other species' mating rituals and habits, it's just been compounded and obfuscated by the various layers of the human psyche. Where so many different avenues for differentiation are possible within humans, as many avenues (or more) exist for demonstrating superiority in those areas.

It makes sense from the evolutionary perspective, too. After all, every creature has some level of desire to pass on their genetics; and when there's competition for mates, there's need to demonstrate that you're the "right mate." In simpler creatures, this is usually accomplished by being physically superior in some way.

There's no challenge issue. I just think it's tiresome and petty the bickering and fighting we do as a species. Even your diagnosis of the situation could be explained by feeling some need to demonstrate that you know the human mind better than I do; except you're taking it to the next level and attempting to posit that you know my psyche better than I know it, myself. You're also right on some levels; given that my theory states that every action is driven by the desire to be measurably superior, my very stating of the theory is proof of that.

The beauty of the theory, however, is the simplicity. Also, the fact that it has fit everything I've seen in the world so far, even outside of the realm of humanity.

As far as the therapy thing goes; I see a lot of laziness in my country. People, by the thousands, bilking a system that otherwise would be a good thing; running it into the ground because they want a free ride in life. The root cause of it, in my mind? Laziness. Why work for something when you can get it for free? Why strive to better yourself when you can write it off as some sort of disorder, and not actually have to spend the effort making yourself a better person?

It's all pretty pathetic. But it's the way of life.

People really tend to be no more complex than electrons; we like to take the path of least resistance.




You're right, I don't know you. However, just as you did, I'm generalizing you based off of your statements. The difference is that you made a statement about me; I made a statement about someone else, and you took it and attempted to say I was generalizing when I wasn't.

The flipside is also true: you don't know me, and yet here you are, attacking my opinion.

Your opinion is no more educated than mine, and yet apparently you think it is more worthy of sharing. You know me no more than I know you, and yet you feel the need to call me out on something you started.

You see how unbalanced that is?

So psychology is all about writing off things as disorders and using excuses... at least this is how you make it sound.

[Torq]

So psychology is all about writing off things as disorders and using excuses... at least this is how you make it sound.

Way to ignore 90% of the post, and also cherry-pick what you wanted out of it. You're intent on pretending I'm speaking in absolutes about the whole therapy thing, even when I'm making it pretty clear I'm not. You're even more close-minded than you're trying to make me out to be.

I'm done here.

[Laize]

So psychology is all about writing off things as disorders and using excuses... at least this is how you make it sound.

There's a reason most people don't want to go to psychologists.

Having your personality dissected and laid bare is not something most people appreciate.

[Myrlae]

Actually he gets it from the goverment for studying, we do that here in Europe (atleast in scandivia).
europe nope, scandinavia yep (i don't even want to know how much norwegian students get^^)

OT: self control, if you see yourself buying stuff you don't need-> punish yourself with stuff that hurts you (not physically) like... no computer/tv for 15min for every dollar wrongly spent

[Gulvar]

You're right, I don't know you. However, just as you did, I'm generalizing you based off of your statements. The difference is that you made a statement about me; I made a statement about someone else, and you took it and attempted to say I was generalizing when I wasn't.

The flipside is also true: you don't know me, and yet here you are, attacking my opinion.

Your opinion is no more educated than mine, and yet apparently you think it is more worthy of sharing. You know me no more than I know you, and yet you feel the need to call me out on something you started.

You see how unbalanced that is?

A masters degree in mental health counseling and a Psy. D. kind of does make it a bit more educated. If he does have an issue then telling him just to say no is horrible advice. Do you not see how setting someone up for failure is bad? Drop the generalizing distraction. I knew what you were saying which is why I replied to you. Be less concerned about the sarcasm in my reply and more concerned with the bad advice you're giving someone.

This thread has nothing to do with superiority on my part. I was content to suggest he take advantage of the free counseling his school provides and leave it at that. I got more involved when you and another poster with an axe to grind with therapy tried to steer him away from that.

[Torq]

A masters degree in mental health counseling and a Psy. D, kind of does make it a bit more educated. If he does have an issue then telling him just to say no is horrible advice. Do you not see how setting someone up for failure is bad? Drop the generalizing distraction. I knew what you were saying which is why I replied to you. Be less concerned about the sarcasm in my reply and more concerned with the bad advice you're giving someone.

This thread has nothing to do with superiority on my part. I was content to suggest he take advantage of the free counseling his school provides and leave it at that. I got more involved when you and another poster with an axe to grind with therapy tried to steer him away from that.

Except, you know, those credentials mean nothing on this forum; nor do you know what my educational background is, so it's pretty arrogant to assume you have more education on the matter than I.

I also never stated he shouldn't go see a therapist. I just said he shouldn't waste his money on one if he's already having money issues. If his school offers free therapy, then by all means, take advantage of it; that's what it's there for.

You make an awful lot of assumptions, and fail to notice a lot of things that have been spelled out pretty clearly. And you wonder why I question your supposed credentials. I would assume a mental health counselor would pay a little more attention to details, and assume a little less about someone they know next to nothing about.

[E] Also, I don't really see your point about setting him up for failure. Failure isn't always a bad thing; in fact, failures often teach better lessons than successes. Constant failure, yeah. Failing repeatedly because you're trying to do the same thing, the same way, over and over, yeah, that's bad, too. But I hardly think failing once in awhile is bad for a person.

[Shuyin]

i heard a similar story a few months ago and here's the solution he found: he's sending all his money to his brother and whenever he needs something he calls him to send some money on his bank account (the guy lives in America, the brother in Italy. could be done without banks with a closer person) so that he can buy whatever he needs.

in some cases just the thought "i have to call him to get the money, but he wont ever allow it" could be enough to fix the problem. if it's not enough, be sure to pick someone who is close enough to stay away from your money and kind enough to tell you "no".

[PBitt]

Self-control, man. You gotta learn it. No excuses, no ifs, no buts. It's all about self-control.

Pretty much this. Better to learn to do it now, money management is an extremely crucial part of life. I would avoid the whole giving your money to your parents thing, that's not going to teach you anything at all. Then again, and I mean no offense, but part of the problem could be because you aren't really earning the money yourself. I'm quite the opposite myself, I have to be in a certain mood to spend any kind of money, so I can't really help you with any first-hand tips. I guess just put the money away and forget it's even there.

[apepi]

Self-Control is a huge thing, you could try to just buy cheap things, like 4$ amazon books. you could come to the point where your computer really needs no more upgrades so you would stop buying that way.

[Bobdoletoo]

The poster is not addicted. He is young and has no responsibilities. Once he learns what they are, he will stop throwing his money away. If he wants a car, save for one. It's common sense.

[Gulvar]

Except, you know, those credentials mean nothing on this forum; nor do you know what my educational background is, so it's pretty arrogant to assume you have more education on the matter than I.

I also never stated he shouldn't go see a therapist. I just said he shouldn't waste his money on one if he's already having money issues. If his school offers free therapy, then by all means, take advantage of it; that's what it's there for.

You make an awful lot of assumptions, and fail to notice a lot of things that have been spelled out pretty clearly. And you wonder why I question your supposed credentials. I would assume a mental health counselor would pay a little more attention to details, and assume a little less about someone they know next to nothing about.

[E] Also, I don't really see your point about setting him up for failure. Failure isn't always a bad thing; in fact, failures often teach better lessons than successes. Constant failure, yeah. Failing repeatedly because you're trying to do the same thing, the same way, over and over, yeah, that's bad, too. But I hardly think failing once in awhile is bad for a person.

Failure isn't bad in a lot of situations. I'm not saying that the OP has an addiction just to be clear. Howerver, if he does then simply telling him to do what he has shown an inability to do is setting him up for failure. When people fail it causes some to work harder and it causes others to give up. People with addictions give up a lot more than work harder. So if he thinks that he has an addiction then he needs to see someone. Let him and whomever he sees discuss self-control.

I wasn't being arrogant. Everything I believe about you is based upon what you wrote. You can be a pusblished astrophysicist for all I know and psychology isn't a strong area of yours. I read all your posts in this thread. It's not soley based upon what I quoted. I'm not saying that you're dumb. I'm saying that you're wrong about psychology. Let's not spin the therapist angle. Telling him not to waste money on it was wrong. You didn't even factor in that he could get it for free and if he did pay on a sliding scale then it could have been the best $20 he ever spent.

I thnk we should probably wrap this up. From the moron comment to questioning my integrity, I don't see us making any progress. Believe that my post history has been a crafted fantasy to impress anonymous posters on a video game forum if it makes you feel better. My day is over and I'm out of here.

Goodbye Torq.

[Dedweight]

Seriously OP. Set aside 10% of your money and put it in a bank account you don't have easy access to.

That's pretty much what I did[though I did 50% and had a minimum wage drop($5.25/hr at the time)] I think by the time I quit that job for a better one I had upwards 6k put away and the habit continued with the new job(50% of a $13/hr full time job) until I got laid-off and had roughly 15k put a way. Half my paycheck at the time was more than enough to cover everything I needed and wanted. Some weeks I almost forgot to pickup my check and they ended up mailing it to me...