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  1. #81
    What do you call an alligator in a vest?

    An investigator!

  2. #82
    A man was hospitalized with 4 plastic horses in his ass. Doctors described his condition as stable.

  3. #83
    One day a woman, feeling particularly lonely that day, walked into a sex shop. The cashier asked if she needed help, to which she replied "yes, i would like the best dildo you have...the price is not an issue." The cashier asked her to wait a moment and disappeared into the back of the store. When he returned, he was holding a dusty and ancient looking box. When he opens the box, inside is a normal looking dildo. "What's so special about this?" the woman asked. The cashier then explained that this was a MAGIC dildo, all you needed to do was say "Magic Dildo, _______" and fill in the blank with whatever you wanted the dildo to fuck, and it will fuck it by itself.

    The woman returns home with her new merchandise eager to try it out. She goes up to her room with the dildo and says "magic dildo, my vagina!" The next hour is filled with the best sex she has ever had. Afterwards, however, she realizes there is a small problem. How do you get the magic dildo to stop?? The woman panics and gets into her car and speeds over to the sex shop hoping to catch the cashier again before the store closes. Unfortunately, on the way over she is pulled over by a police officer.

    "what's the big rush?" The policeman asks. The woman then continues to tell the police officer the story of her strange day, to which the skeptic replies "Ha! Magic dildo my ass!"

  4. #84
    Fluffy Kitten Taurenburger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noxiye View Post
    You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
    Nevermind, it's too long.
    I like the female one more "I was about to make a vaginajoke, but you won't get it"


    I wanted to make a gay joke, buttfuck it. (I don't have problems with homos though)

    And this one fits really:
    I don't like 9/11 jokes, they're just plane wrong.
    Lord protector of the Veal

    Pokemon Y
    Friendcode: 0791-2124-3938 (IGN: Michiel)
    Friendsafari: Magneton, Forretress, Bronzong

  5. #85
    The Patient ezola's Avatar
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    A babyseal walks into a club....... - makes me giggle everytime
    My girlfriend said she does't like metal.
    Now she is Single
    No Just kidding
    ....
    She is Dead

  6. #86
    Quote Originally Posted by Digglett View Post
    Grown men watching My Little Pony.
    haha i like this one.

  7. #87
    Fluffy Kitten Taurenburger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sameen View Post
    What's the difference between a fridge and a homosexual?


    The fridge doesn't fart when you take the sausage out...
    No gay jokes please, cum on people
    Lord protector of the Veal

    Pokemon Y
    Friendcode: 0791-2124-3938 (IGN: Michiel)
    Friendsafari: Magneton, Forretress, Bronzong

  8. #88
    The dyslexic walked into a bra

  9. #89
    Wenn ist das Nunnstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

  10. #90
    I am Murloc! Alenarien's Avatar
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    Bhí Bono le U2 os comhair lucht féachana ag ceolchoirm lá amháin, agus sheas sé ar an stáitse agus thosnaigh sé ag bualadh - bos go mall réidh.

    Ansin, i nghuth íseal, tromchúiseach labhair sé: "Gach uair a bhualaim mo bhosa, faigheann naíonán san Afraic bás."

    Arsa duine den lucht féachana cóngarach don stáitse: "Bhuel, mar sin, stad leis an bualadh - bos, a chladhaire!"
    The first thing I remember about the world — and I pray that it may be the last — is that I was a stranger in it.” - Malcolm Muggeridge, Apologia pro vita sua (1968)

  11. #91
    Quote Originally Posted by cynsacat View Post
    Aw, I really giggled at this. Did no one else get it? I just skimmed the thread; perhaps I missed it...
    Yeah, I laughed. Took me back...haha. Can't do it justice without the link.
    Note: Racist.
    See: Boondock Saints
    .
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKKur8C4WVg

  12. #92
    Hmm one of my favorite bar jokes..

    Two men are at a new bar on the top of a skyscraper. They are both pretty drunk.
    One man starts to complain how he likes another bar more, and the other man turns to him and says
    "Your crazy! this is the best bar in town. Look at that selection of alcohol, there isnt a drink you can think of they dont have. Not to mention these seats are so comfortable you could sit here for days! They also the best setup for music, and the cleanest bathrooms" (ect)
    The other man says " yeah i suppose its pretty nice"
    " nice?! its the best" the enthusiast says. " want to know the best thing about the whole bar though ? "
    "what is it? "
    "That window over there! Its amazing. If you jump out, you will fall 40 feet, stop, and fly back up !!!"
    " What?! thats crazy!"
    "Seriously! ill show you"
    So he walks over, jumps out, falls 40 feet, stops and flies back up into the window.
    "How did you do that !!!!!" the first man says, patting him down and looking around for wires.
    " I told you ! Here ill do it again."
    So he jumps out, falls 40 feet, stops and flies back up.
    "Thats incredible, here let me try!"
    So the man jumps, falls 10..20......30....40 feet. Then he keeps falling to his drunken death.




    The other man casually walks back over to the bar, sits and continues to enjoy his drink.

    >The bartender looks up at him and says : " Superman, your a dick when your drunk.
    Last edited by Myci; 2012-09-11 at 02:56 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Golden Yak View Post
    Life Lesson #1 - People are terrible.

    Don't let it get to you. It'll only spoil your own personal enjoyment if you do.

  13. #93
    Quote Originally Posted by Myci View Post
    Hmm one of my favorite bar jokes..

    Two men are at a new bar on the top of a skyscraper. They are both pretty drunk.
    One man starts to complain how he likes another bar more, and the other man turns to him and says
    "Your crazy! this is the best bar in town. Look at that selection of alcohol, there isnt a drink you can think of they dont have. Not to mention these seats are so comfortable you could sit here for days! They also the best setup for music, and the cleanest bathrooms" (ect)
    The other man says " yeah i suppose its pretty nice"
    " nice?! its the best" the enthusiast says. " want to know the best thing about the whole bar though ? "
    "what is it? "
    "That window over there! Its amazing. If you jump out, you will fall 40 feet, stop, and fly back up !!!"
    " What?! thats crazy!"
    "Seriously! ill show you"
    So he walks over, jumps out, falls 40 feet, stops and flies back up into the window.
    "How did you do that !!!!!" the first man says, patting him down and looking around for wires.
    " I told you ! Here ill do it again."
    So he jumps out, falls 40 feet, stops and flies back up.
    "Thats incredible, here let me try!"
    So the man jumps, falls 10..20......30....40 feet. Then he keeps falling to his drunken death.




    The other man casually walks back over to the bar, sits and continues to enjoy his drink.

    >The bartender looks up at him and says : " Superman, your a dick when your drunk.
    i dont get it?

    edited= oh sorry i didnt see the end about superman.. i get it now. lol

  14. #94
    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
    Signature created by Engelen <3

  15. #95
    Q.How many men does it take to open a can of beer?


    A. None it should be open by the time she brings it to you.

  16. #96
    i want more jokes...

  17. #97
    Man: wanna play a game of rape ?

    Woman: no!

    Man: thats the spirit!

  18. #98
    What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?


    The wheelchair. (highlight to read).
    Quote Originally Posted by High Overlord Saurfang
    "I am he who watches they. I am the fist of retribution. That which does quell the recalcitrant. Dare you defy the Warchief? Dare you face my merciless judgement?"
    i7-860 @2.8GHz | Radeon HD 7770 | 8GB DDR3-1333MHz | Corsair CX 430W |

  19. #99
    The Patient Ratsion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimmy valmer View Post
    Man: wanna play a game of rape ?

    Woman: no!

    Man: thats the spirit!
    I feel like a terrible person for laughing at this joke

  20. #100
    So a baby seal walks into a club

    Regular Dota

    Ranked Only
    Quote Originally Posted by Immitis View Post
    people who smoke weed past primary school dont deserve jobs. weed is for little kids. you should stop smoking it and move on to real people things

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