What do you call an alligator in a vest?
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
One day a woman, feeling particularly lonely that day, walked into a sex shop. The cashier asked if she needed help, to which she replied "yes, i would like the best dildo you have...the price is not an issue." The cashier asked her to wait a moment and disappeared into the back of the store. When he returned, he was holding a dusty and ancient looking box. When he opens the box, inside is a normal looking dildo. "What's so special about this?" the woman asked. The cashier then explained that this was a MAGIC dildo, all you needed to do was say "Magic Dildo, _______" and fill in the blank with whatever you wanted the dildo to fuck, and it will fuck it by itself.
The woman returns home with her new merchandise eager to try it out. She goes up to her room with the dildo and says "magic dildo, my vagina!" The next hour is filled with the best sex she has ever had. Afterwards, however, she realizes there is a small problem. How do you get the magic dildo to stop?? The woman panics and gets into her car and speeds over to the sex shop hoping to catch the cashier again before the store closes. Unfortunately, on the way over she is pulled over by a police officer.
"what's the big rush?" The policeman asks. The woman then continues to tell the police officer the story of her strange day, to which the skeptic replies "Ha! Magic dildo my ass!"
Lord protector of the Veal
Friendcode: 0791-2124-3938 (IGN: Michiel)
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A babyseal walks into a club....... - makes me giggle everytime
My girlfriend said she does't like metal.
Now she is Single
No Just kidding
She is Dead
The dyslexic walked into a bra
Wenn ist das Nunnstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
Bhí Bono le U2 os comhair lucht féachana ag ceolchoirm lá amháin, agus sheas sé ar an stáitse agus thosnaigh sé ag bualadh - bos go mall réidh.
Ansin, i nghuth íseal, tromchúiseach labhair sé: "Gach uair a bhualaim mo bhosa, faigheann naíonán san Afraic bás."
Arsa duine den lucht féachana cóngarach don stáitse: "Bhuel, mar sin, stad leis an bualadh - bos, a chladhaire!"
“In keeping silent about evil, in burying it so deep within us that no sign of it appears on the surface, we are implanting it, and it will rise up a thousand fold in the future. When we neither punish nor reproach evildoers, we are not simply protecting their trivial old age, we are thereby ripping the foundations of justice from beneath new generations.” - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918-1956
Hmm one of my favorite bar jokes..
Two men are at a new bar on the top of a skyscraper. They are both pretty drunk.
One man starts to complain how he likes another bar more, and the other man turns to him and says
"Your crazy! this is the best bar in town. Look at that selection of alcohol, there isnt a drink you can think of they dont have. Not to mention these seats are so comfortable you could sit here for days! They also the best setup for music, and the cleanest bathrooms" (ect)
The other man says " yeah i suppose its pretty nice"
" nice?! its the best" the enthusiast says. " want to know the best thing about the whole bar though ? "
"what is it? "
"That window over there! Its amazing. If you jump out, you will fall 40 feet, stop, and fly back up !!!"
" What?! thats crazy!"
"Seriously! ill show you"
So he walks over, jumps out, falls 40 feet, stops and flies back up into the window.
"How did you do that !!!!!" the first man says, patting him down and looking around for wires.
" I told you ! Here ill do it again."
So he jumps out, falls 40 feet, stops and flies back up.
"Thats incredible, here let me try!"
So the man jumps, falls 10..20......30....40 feet. Then he keeps falling to his drunken death.
The other man casually walks back over to the bar, sits and continues to enjoy his drink.
>The bartender looks up at him and says : " Superman, your a dick when your drunk.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
Signature created by Engelen <3
Q.How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
A. None it should be open by the time she brings it to you.
i want more jokes...
Man: wanna play a game of rape ?
Man: thats the spirit!
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. (highlight to read).
Originally Posted by High Overlord Saurfangi7-860 @2.8GHz | Radeon HD 7770 | 8GB DDR3-1333MHz | Corsair CX 430W |