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  1. #121
    2 blondes walking through the park, one of them says, oh look a dead bird. Other one looks up and says, where?

    Whats the difference between an aboriginal and a park bench? The bench can support a family.

  2. #122
    Grunt Amy-Louise's Avatar
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    Me: Knock Knock
    You: Who's there?
    Me: Little boy Blue
    You: Little boy Blue who?
    Me: Micheal Jackson.




    Too soon ?

  3. #123
    Brewmaster Rhaide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by drwelfare View Post
    i'll have a coke...
    excellent reference.
    "When you do things right, people won't be sure you have done anything at all."

    -God (Futurama)

  4. #124
    Moderator Zoma's Avatar
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    What does the Starship Enterprise have in common with toilet paper?

    They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

  5. #125
    Legendary! muto's Avatar
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    A lawyer, a doctor, a boy scout and a priest were all out on a small plane for an afternoon flight when the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the pilot's best efforts, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot yelled out to his passengers that they'd better jump, grabbed a parachute and bailed out.
    Unfortunately, that left only three remaining parachutes. Grabbing one, the doctor said, "I am a doctor and I save lives, so I must live," and he jumped.
    The lawyer then grabbed a parachute and said, "I am the smartest man in the world. I definitely deserve to live." Then he jumped.
    Looking at the young boy, the priest said, "Son, I have been fortunate to have lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."
    Handing the parachute back to the priest, the boy scout said, "Don't worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack!"
    Last edited by muto; 2012-09-19 at 01:16 PM.


  6. #126
    Pit Lord Waaldo's Avatar
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    Two blonds lock their keys in the car. One of them suggest the call 911. The other one says "That's a good idea, but they better make it quick. It looks like it's going to rain and I left the top down."
    Quote Originally Posted by Torethyr
    I thought doing the toothpaste-tube-squeeze and vigorous shake was the "traditional" way.

  7. #127
    Stood in the Fire Kalium's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by drwelfare View Post
    I'll have a coke...
    Well played sir

    So a newly married deaf couple were laying down some ground rules for sex. Since the lights would be off they experimented with different touching suggestions. The wife suggested that if he wanted sex he should touch her left breast twice... if she agreed she would grab his penis and yank twice... he exclaimed that was a capital idea and if she wasn't into it that night she should just yank 50 times.
    Last edited by Kalium; 2012-09-19 at 04:58 PM.

  8. #128
    I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

  9. #129
    The Patient Roguezor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by superstarz View Post
    nope.. dont get it at all
    can u explain it
    You're kinda supposed to respond to it...

    Like: "...take the S out of safe and F out of way"
    you: "But, there's no F in way"

    Hope that helped

  10. #130
    Field Marshal
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    How do you confuse a blonde?
    -Tell her to go sit in the corner of a round room



    How does the blonde confuse you? -She does sit in the corner of a round room O.o
    Duck walks into a bar, says to the bartender, "Got any grapes?" Bartender says no, duck says "Got any grapes?" "No" "Got any grapes?" "NO!" "Got any--" "If you say got any grapes one more time I'm going to nail your bill to the wall..." "Got a nail?" "No." "Got any grapes?"

  11. #131
    Why does the chicken cross the Möbius Strip? - To get to the same side.

  12. #132
    What do you call a fly with no wings?

    A walk.

  13. #133
    Legendary! TJ's Avatar
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    One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
    She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
    She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
    He replies "BREASTS."

  14. #134
    Catch A Rabbit

    The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

    The President decides to give them a test.
    He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

    The CIA goes in.

    They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

    The FBI goes in.

    After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

    The LAPD goes in.

    They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
    The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

  15. #135
    Bloodsail Admiral foil's Avatar
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    " Two old maids on a beach, streaker ran past, one had a stroke, the other one couldn’t reach."

    ---------- Post added 2012-10-05 at 01:45 PM ----------

    "Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it scared the
    s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again."

    ---------- Post added 2012-10-05 at 01:47 PM ----------

    "Whats better than winning gold at the Paralympics?

    Having a pair of legs."

  16. #136
    One dumb blond tells the other "I lost 7 pounds".
    Other one "I don't see any change".
    First one "you can't see it because I lost them silly"

  17. #137
    The Patient Nario64's Avatar
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    This is racist, you have been warned.

    Guy 1: "Hey, what was the name of the black guy in The Jetsons?"
    Guy 2: "I don't remember a black guy in The Jetsons..."
    Guy 1: "Isn't the future great?"


    Edit:
    And this one too:

    A huge muscular aboriginal man is sitting at a bar having a beer, minding his own. A man walks into the bar. He's very flamboyantly gay and he notices the aboriginal man sitting at the bar. He walks over to him, looks him up and down, leans in and whispers "Hey, how about a blow job?" The aboriginal man became overwhelmed with rage, taking this man's whole head in his hand and throwing it down onto the bar. Then he gives a quick hook to his gut and then picks up the bloody man and throws him out the bar doors and goes sit down again by his drink. The bartender comes over and asks "What was that all about?" The aboriginal man says "I don't know, something about a job."
    Last edited by Nario64; 2012-10-05 at 09:13 PM.

  18. #138
    Scarab Lord MasterOfKnees's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Digglett View Post
    Grown men watching My Little Pony.
    Says the stuck up anime fanatic >.>

    Quote Originally Posted by Gandrake View Post
    so not the funniest, but appropriate

    a Death Knight, Warrior and Paladin walk into a bar and say "LF2M, Tank and Healer".
    I hate to admit it, but this is so me, my brother and my friend...

  19. #139
    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?
    Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.

  20. #140
    A baby seal walks into a club ...*ba'dum tish*

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