funniest joke you know

[Not A Cat]

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!

[Aldoran]

A man was hospitalized with 4 plastic horses in his ass. Doctors described his condition as stable.

[Deleted]

One day a woman, feeling particularly lonely that day, walked into a sex shop. The cashier asked if she needed help, to which she replied "yes, i would like the best dildo you have...the price is not an issue." The cashier asked her to wait a moment and disappeared into the back of the store. When he returned, he was holding a dusty and ancient looking box. When he opens the box, inside is a normal looking dildo. "What's so special about this?" the woman asked. The cashier then explained that this was a MAGIC dildo, all you needed to do was say "Magic Dildo, _______" and fill in the blank with whatever you wanted the dildo to fuck, and it will fuck it by itself.

The woman returns home with her new merchandise eager to try it out. She goes up to her room with the dildo and says "magic dildo, my vagina!" The next hour is filled with the best sex she has ever had. Afterwards, however, she realizes there is a small problem. How do you get the magic dildo to stop?? The woman panics and gets into her car and speeds over to the sex shop hoping to catch the cashier again before the store closes. Unfortunately, on the way over she is pulled over by a police officer.

"what's the big rush?" The policeman asks. The woman then continues to tell the police officer the story of her strange day, to which the skeptic replies "Ha! Magic dildo my ass!"

[Taurenburger]

You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Nevermind, it's too long.

I like the female one more "I was about to make a vaginajoke, but you won't get it"


I wanted to make a gay joke, buttfuck it. (I don't have problems with homos though)

And this one fits really:
I don't like 9/11 jokes, they're just plane wrong.

[Deleted]

A babyseal walks into a club....... - makes me giggle everytime

[Deleted]

Grown men watching My Little Pony.

haha i like this one.

[Taurenburger]

What's the difference between a fridge and a homosexual?


The fridge doesn't fart when you take the sausage out...

No gay jokes please, cum on people

[Misswhipper]

The dyslexic walked into a bra

[Verdugo]

Wenn ist das Nunnstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

[Austilias]

Bhí Bono le U2 os comhair lucht féachana ag ceolchoirm lá amháin, agus sheas sé ar an stáitse agus thosnaigh sé ag bualadh - bos go mall réidh.

Ansin, i nghuth íseal, tromchúiseach labhair sé: "Gach uair a bhualaim mo bhosa, faigheann naíonán san Afraic bás."

Arsa duine den lucht féachana cóngarach don stáitse: "Bhuel, mar sin, stad leis an bualadh - bos, a chladhaire!"

[WorldofWorkcraft]

Aw, I really giggled at this. Did no one else get it? I just skimmed the thread; perhaps I missed it...

Yeah, I laughed. Took me back...haha. Can't do it justice without the link.
Note: Racist.
See: Boondock Saints.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKKur8C4WVg

[Myci]

Hmm one of my favorite bar jokes..

Two men are at a new bar on the top of a skyscraper. They are both pretty drunk.
One man starts to complain how he likes another bar more, and the other man turns to him and says
"Your crazy! this is the best bar in town. Look at that selection of alcohol, there isnt a drink you can think of they dont have. Not to mention these seats are so comfortable you could sit here for days! They also the best setup for music, and the cleanest bathrooms" (ect)
The other man says " yeah i suppose its pretty nice"
" nice?! its the best" the enthusiast says. " want to know the best thing about the whole bar though ? "
"what is it? "
"That window over there! Its amazing. If you jump out, you will fall 40 feet, stop, and fly back up !!!"
" What?! thats crazy!"
"Seriously! ill show you"
So he walks over, jumps out, falls 40 feet, stops and flies back up into the window.
"How did you do that !!!!!" the first man says, patting him down and looking around for wires.
" I told you ! Here ill do it again."
So he jumps out, falls 40 feet, stops and flies back up.
"Thats incredible, here let me try!"
So the man jumps, falls 10..20......30....40 feet. Then he keeps falling to his drunken death.




The other man casually walks back over to the bar, sits and continues to enjoy his drink.

>The bartender looks up at him and says : " Superman, your a dick when your drunk.

[superstarz]

Hmm one of my favorite bar jokes..

Two men are at a new bar on the top of a skyscraper. They are both pretty drunk.
One man starts to complain how he likes another bar more, and the other man turns to him and says
"Your crazy! this is the best bar in town. Look at that selection of alcohol, there isnt a drink you can think of they dont have. Not to mention these seats are so comfortable you could sit here for days! They also the best setup for music, and the cleanest bathrooms" (ect)
The other man says " yeah i suppose its pretty nice"
" nice?! its the best" the enthusiast says. " want to know the best thing about the whole bar though ? "
"what is it? "
"That window over there! Its amazing. If you jump out, you will fall 40 feet, stop, and fly back up !!!"
" What?! thats crazy!"
"Seriously! ill show you"
So he walks over, jumps out, falls 40 feet, stops and flies back up into the window.
"How did you do that !!!!!" the first man says, patting him down and looking around for wires.
" I told you ! Here ill do it again."
So he jumps out, falls 40 feet, stops and flies back up.
"Thats incredible, here let me try!"
So the man jumps, falls 10..20......30....40 feet. Then he keeps falling to his drunken death.




The other man casually walks back over to the bar, sits and continues to enjoy his drink.

>The bartender looks up at him and says : " Superman, your a dick when your drunk.

i dont get it?

edited= oh sorry i didnt see the end about superman.. i get it now. lol

[Raisehell]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

[superstarz]

Q.How many men does it take to open a can of beer?


A. None it should be open by the time she brings it to you.

[Drflgd]

i want more jokes...

[jimmy valmer]

Man: wanna play a game of rape ?

Woman: no!

Man: thats the spirit!

[Flaks]

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?


The wheelchair. (highlight to read).

[Pivotal]

Man: wanna play a game of rape ?

Woman: no!

Man: thats the spirit!

I feel like a terrible person for laughing at this joke

[Longview]

So a baby seal walks into a club