I only know/like racist jokes so....
I only know/like racist jokes so....
Ages ago, probably even several years ago, there was a thread similar to this. I was reading through them and came across the funniest joke ever. It is utter garbage, full of grammatical, spelling and syntax errors. The punchline doesn't make any sense at all. It's literally the worst joke I've ever seen. But every time I read it, I laugh hysterically. I have saved this joke in the form of four separate macros, and on this day I am sharing it with the very website that introduced me to it's glory. People of mmo-champion, I give you.... the best joke ever:
an undead was sitting in a bar having a drink.he got a bit drunk and he suddenly had a bonner. At that moment a hot female blood elf entered the bar.The undead called her and ask her how much gold would she take to let him f her. she said : For you ....let`s say 10000 gold! It's too much !! Said the undead and continued with the drinking.with every drink the undead bacame more and more horny.suddenly he had another idea.he called the blood elf chick and asked her how much would she take to pee in a glass.she said she would only take 5 gold for that and he gave her the gold and an empty glass.once the glass was full the undead put his pants down cut off his own dick put it the glass and said : Go on my dear penis drink some nice pussy water becaouse the flesh is too expensive..
I'm probably going to get infracted for this trash, but it's worth it. I hope you guys like it as much as I do.
2 gay guys are walking down the street and they notice this dog licking his crotch. The first gay guy goes "Boy...don't you wish you could do that?" The second gay guy goes "Yeah, but I'm afraid he'd bite me."
Please just remove my comment without banning me if a mod happens to find this one too offensive. For the record I have friends that are gay and I wasn't trying to start a homophobia thread or anything like that with my joke.
Wow PvP balance
nothing but empty space here bro. move along now.
What's the difference between pink & purple?
I'm sure a lot of ppl have already heard this but it's one of my favs from Eddie Murphy- Delirious (1983) NSFW ~.^
The Bear & the Rabbit ~ starts @ about 00:50 or so but the whole 2 mins is worth a few giggles. As a matter of fact, go watch the whole damn thing! (about 1.5 hrs or so)
Last edited by sugarlily; 2012-11-02 at 05:30 AM.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
Wipes his ass.
i5 2500k Powercolor HD 6950
8gb 1600mhz RAM
96gb Kingston SSD, 1TB Caviar Black 64mb cache
Basic P67 motherboard
800 watt PSU
NZXT Phantom Case: If you think this case is ugly, you are wrong.
Your arena rating!
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
So I chose the path of the Ebon Blade, and not a day passes where i've regretted it.
I am eternal, I am unyielding, I am UNDYING.
I am Zethras, and my blood will be the end of you.
I was about to say a gay joke, butt fuck it.
"Oh, you think darkness is your ally, but you merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it.
I didn't see the light until I was already a man and by then it was nothing to me but blinding." -Bane
After being crucified, Jesus went up to Heaven & was chatting to St.Peter at the pearly gates.
After a while, St.Peter said "I`ve been here for 560 years, mind covering whilst I go for a break?"
"Of course not, what do I do?" said Jesus.
"It`s easy said St.Peter, just take the persons name, religion & occupation."
After showing Jesus what to do, St.Peter leaves.
After an hour or so, Jesus in the swing of things looks up & says "Name please.", just as he does this, he sees the old man walk forward & is sure he knows him.
"Ah, I`m Joseph." said thee old man.
"Okay Joseph, what`s your religion?"
"That`s easy," replied Joseph "I`m a Jew."
Jesus looks at him again & is sure this is his father, so he asks him "What was your profession?"
"I was a long time carpenter" said joseph.
That does it thought Jesus, this must be my father, I`ll ask him something personal.
"Joseph, did you have any kids?"
"Oh yes," he replied "I had a wonderful son.".
"Your son, did he have any distinguishing marks on his body?" asked Jesus.
"Why yes he did, the poor lad, he had holes in his hands & his feet" replied Joseph.
To this, Jesus was sure that this old man was his father so he threw out his arms & yelled "Father!" to which the old man replied "Pinocchio!?"
Last edited by Fishbait; 2012-11-02 at 11:17 PM.
Making pointless achievements even more pointless
Little Ralphy comes home from school and tells his dad he got an F in math. His dad asks him why he got an F, and the conversation goes like this:
"Well, the teacher asked me how much is 2 x 3. I said 6."
"But that's right!"
"Yeah, but then she asked me how much is 3 x 2."
"What's the fucking difference?"
"That's what I said!"
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are sitting on a table, bored.
Einstein: Hey, I know, let's play hide-and-go-seek. I'll be the seeker.
Einstein starts counting, while Pascal darts off and hides.
Newton sits on the floor and draws a circle around himself.
Einstein: I found you Newton!
Newton: No, what you found is one Newton on a square meter. You just found Pascal.
Want to hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it's too cheesy.
"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him" - Emo Philips.
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I want some 25-year scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference". The bartender doesn't believe him, and gets him some 5-year scotch. The man tanks a sip, spits it out and says "Bartender, this is 5-year scotch. Get me some 25-year scotch". The bartender still doesn't believe him and gives him 15-year scotch, but once again the man can tell. Then the bartender realises the man really can tell and gets him some 25-year scotch. The man finishes his drink and a drunk guy comes up to him, hands him a glass and tells him to drink it. The man takes a sip and says "Ugh! This tastes like piss!". The drunk guy says "Yeah. How old am I?"
Just read this on a friend's Facebook.
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I'll know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No drama's boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he says that he thinks Dave's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "My folks are from Germany, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the fuck's that on the balcony with Dave?"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto go camping in the desert. After setting the tent up, both men fall asleep. Hours later, Tonto awakens The Lone Ranger and says "Kemo Sabe, look at sky. What you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "Well, I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" Tonto asks.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?"
"It tell me you dumber than buffalo shit. It mean someone stole our tent!"