Monogamy: your thoughts

[Cirque]

Presumably you're young, and I don't think it's wrong at all for you to explore all the possibilities rather than settle right away. That choice also shouldn't influence how you'll be on the long run, or else, it will influence you positively. Would you rather do your gf a disservice by staying with her for the rest of your life and maybe regretting you didn't get some other experiences, or would you prevent any reason for regret later on by trying some new stuff out?

This has nothing to do with love, or how awesome your gf is (or isn't). Relationships don't work solely on love. If that were the case, there wouldn't be so many breakups or divorces.

[Deleted]

I got married at 23. so that gives you my stance on monogamy.
Yes, there are other people out there who are probably smarter, cuter, richer are more successful than my husband and I could potentially be with those people if I wanted, BUT the world is also full of douchebags and crazy people. Do I want to experience what's out there? it will probably be fun for a while, but in the long run I would want to settle down anyways so I feel like i'm not really missing anything. I know what's out there and I just pass...

Anyways, you probably want to voice this concerns with your girlfriend, I think you already know what you want tho' and that's the vida loca, talk to her, maybe she has the same concerns, or maybe she doesn't but talk to her and don't make her move and waste her time. try to be on the same page.

[Deleted]

monogamy is neither right nor wrong,neither moral nor immoral, it's a choice,if you want it you go for it if not you do not.

[Osyrus]

i can not handle an open relationship. Im a serial monogamist.

i am also thinking of doing a large move for schooling also. although the idea was put into my head by the thought of another person I am doing it for ME.

He actually has no idea that I truly plan on moving. Whether the relationship blossoms, or fizzles, I still want to try and new area out.

[Verain]

Monogamy seems better than polygamy in most cases, polygamy often leads to oppression.

That's a ludicrous assertion.

Also, false dichotomy- uncommitted folks are neither polygamous or monogamous in the long term sense.

[xylophone]

That's a ludicrous assertion.

Also, false dichotomy- uncommitted folks are neither polygamous or monogamous in the long term sense.

I think he's referring to old fashioned-man with 15 wives monogamy where the wives are subservient to their husband. I may be wrong though.

[skrump]

I don't believe humans were meant to mate with only 1 partner for life
Human nature is to avoid conflict and it is improbable that conflict can be avoided between 2 people when they are constantly in contact.

I could honestly see myself having sexual relations with the same person and only them for 40+ years however I would be hesitant only because of the consistent sharing of personal space aka the home or even the same bed while trying to sleep.

But if said person were to live in the house next door I would be all for it.

[Darkis]

Sounds to me that you're looking to get support to just drop your current relationship, becauce you suddenly realized that there're other fish in the sea. Presuming you're quite young yet, mentioning school and all, i say break it off. If you're having doubts now, you'll be in a hell of a temptation afterwards.

[Brachamul]

Monogamy is not "choosing whether to have one or many partners at any given point in time".

It is "agreeing with your partner that none of you will have another partner while together".

What you are getting from being in a monogamous relationship, theoretically, is your girlfriend not sleeping around.
The drawback is that you're not supposed to sleep around either.

[smelltheglove]

It think it's great. It stains well and is pretty durable. It is more expensive than things like Ash or Maple though, but well worth the price if you can afford it.

meh, i dont consider it particularly durable, it's too soft. it mainly came into use because it has incredibly consistent grain and is easily carved, has a nice rich color, and is available in very wide widths :P

[OneSent]

You can't fuck em' all. Show me an attractive girl and I'll show you a guy who's tired of banging her. The grass is not always greener on the other side, etc. etc.

I'm very monogamous, so it's hard for me to understand why someone who is in a relationship with a person they really enjoy being with would want to seek out other options. I suppose it's just our natural desire to improve things in our life, even if they are fine to begin with. But the fact that you have acknowledged that you might not be happy with this girl in the long run pretty much tells it all.

If you have absolutely ANY doubts whatsoever about the longevity of your current relationship or you can't see yourself still being happy with it in a few years from now, then there's no reason to stay in it unless you want to feel miserable and stuck.

You have admitted that you might be tempted by all the new women you encounter after you move, which is all fine and well. But you would be doing both yourself and your current girlfriend a favor by breaking things off before it gets to that point, because those are grounds for cheating. Not to say that you would, but just putting it out there.

You said it yourself, monogamy doesn't work for most people and sometimes you just have to do what makes you happy, even if it's against the grain. Have no regrets.

[Stuffs]

I could never do something open, at least if it was serious. But people are different. I know a couple people who are serious, and their relationship is open.
But it depends per person. But to be honest seems like you aren't super into her, and it might be worth considering if its fair to her, to try to get her to move across the country.

[pjc1955]

I want to say something about the monogamy thing. Monogamy works for some people. But not for others. My husband and I are in a polygamous. We married each other in 2003. We went to Nairobi Kenya to marry our 2nd wife and came back here to the US. In this way she and I became married. We are fortunate to have found good matches. There is no jealousy and she excepts that I am the first wife and I have privliges that she doesn't. In her tribe, polygamy is just a normal way of life. A woman has to be very secure in herself and her marriage to get into this kind of relationship. No secrets or lies. Ground rules must be discussed and followed. It must be made clear that the second wife will be treated with love and respect, but she is and always will be the second. For example. my wife is only allowed to sleep alone in her bed with our husband 2 nights a week. But they can have sex anytime they want. She is welcome to come into MY bed and sleep with us. at anytime. I am not talking about sex. She often has a hard time sleeping alone.
For us Polygamy works and works very well.

[Hiricine]

Do whatever you feel like and make sure that anyone involved is aware of your preferences.

[Itisamuh]

I truly don't mean to come off as rude, but I honestly think someone who claims monogomy doesn't work, or is unnatural, either has no standards, no discipline, or hasn't really been in love before. If monogomy wasn't natural, jealousy wouldn't exist. I'm as horny as any other youngish guy, but not once have I ever felt the urge, or even the desire, for multiple partners. Where's the sense of loyalty? Shouldn't that come with love? Even in the case of a mutually consenting open relationship, I still don't see it. If you don't keep that aspect of your life tied to the person you're with, then why even be with them? A relationship should be special, beyond your other friendships and associations, and the progressive dating and physical aspect is usually what cements that difference. I just feel like asking for an open relationship is just asking for permission to cheat so she can't get onto you for it. If you care for the person you're with, and you're happy with her, why are you even looking at others?

[Deleted]

I want to say something about the monogamy thing. Monogamy works for some people. But not for others. My husband and I are in a polygamous. We married each other in 2003. We went to Nairobi Kenya to marry our 2nd wife and came back here to the US. In this way she and I became married. We are fortunate to have found good matches. There is no jealousy and she excepts that I am the first wife and I have privliges that she doesn't. In her tribe, polygamy is just a normal way of life. A woman has to be very secure in herself and her marriage to get into this kind of relationship. No secrets or lies. Ground rules must be discussed and followed. It must be made clear that the second wife will be treated with love and respect, but she is and always will be the second. For example. my wife is only allowed to sleep alone in her bed with our husband 2 nights a week. But they can have sex anytime they want. She is welcome to come into MY bed and sleep with us. at anytime. I am not talking about sex. She often has a hard time sleeping alone.
For us Polygamy works and works very well.

What always bothered me about polygamy is the thought that I wouldn't be enough for someone. That's not my idea of love, but if it works for you, go wild. I only want one girl. Some people portray that as a struggle, but for me it's not.

OP: a lot of people want monogamous relationships. The reasons don't really matter. IMO, what you need to do is just find what you want. Go wild. You will find what you really want sooner or later, or maybe you never will, but you should be fair to your current girlfriend. A clean break is better than prolonging something that isn't working.

[Ebildays]

As long as you are okay with the idea that your girlfriend will also be able to "date" other men then I don't see a problem. Now if you don't want her to date other men but you still want to be able to date other women there may be some problems with.

[Scottyjscizzle]

Do as you please, no reason for everyone to be any one way, if people want to be monogamist let them and vice-versa. That said don't expect someone you date to be ok with it just because you are get it out in the open from the start.

[Pull My Finger]

Monogamy works. In the right environment. If your relationship has certain qualities, it's a total non-issue. I've been in a very strong relationship for 5 years now and I'm totally honest when I say I really couldn't care less about other women. I just don't see any appeal to it that could really make me cross the line, it's not like I have to resist taking the opportunities etc. I don't feel dangerously tempted or like I'm missing out, it's just not on my list of things.

And honestly: if I WAS tempted, I'd go for it. Why not. Why bullshit yourself and each other. Bottom line: monogamy can make sense and can work and if it does, it does that naturally. If you have to restrain yourself and force yourself to it, I think you could as well screw it. There's no sense in forcing double standards and false virtues upon yourself and others.

[frogger237]

OP I Think you should break up with your girl, no reason to wreck her life 6 months from now when you are having all these feelings now.

And how many of those hot girls will be interested in you? Then out of them how many of them are single or would be willing to cheat with you? Then you got to ask yourself out of them, how many are actually an upgrade and not just something new? That number will dwindle pretty fast and im not saying you wont find someone 'better" Im just saying don't expect to go to a luxury car lot and test drive all the cars then buy one when you only got 500$ to your name.

Im fine with monogamy and what ever other type of relationship as long as ALL partners are knowingly/willingly participating in it.(IE. don't cheat, your partner/s needs to know what type of relationship it is.)