'As you are reading this post the TV turns on/changes to "breaking news" and you are informed that a virus has been released resulting in the beginning of a Zombie Apocalypse.
You are not infected however you must evacuate immediately - Turn to your left (or right if there's a wall to your left) the first 2 items you see will be your weapons that you will use to fight off the Zombies. Pick one as your main-hand and the other as your offhand.'
Main-hand: An empty can of diet coke with a chewed up straw
Offhand: A full bottle of Sudafed blocked nose spray