Anyone else see a problem with wedding and baby shower registries?

[Orlong]

So, I got invited to a wedding and along with the invitation is a slip of paper stating the places the couple is registered at. I find this to be extremely presumptive and rude. To me, it says hey we want you at the wedding but only if you buy us something and here is what you will buy and where. This seems to be a recent trend starting about 10 years ago or so as I don't remember seeing registries prior to that.

A gift should NOT be expected. It should be something that an attendee thinks to do on their own and should be something personal and from the heart, not just a check mark on a shopping list. I'm considering not attending due to this rude invitation. Maybe if they didnt blow $20k on the wedding they wouldn't need it to be subsidized through gifts. They could have a small wedding for $2k and spend the rest to furnish their house. I think a card with 10 bucks in it should be sufficient

Even worse is when you go to a person's second wedding and they give you a registry with a list of gifts to buy. What did they do with the stuff they got the first time they got married? It seems like a scam just to get free stuff. Also rarely does a registry consist of cheap stuff. Its always stuff over $20 and the majority over $50. Anyone else find registries rude?

[Dakia]

A gift isn't expected, but it is certainly customary. A way to help a young couple out as they are starting their lives together. Registries are more to let people know what they want and avoid duplication of such gifts. My mom and dad got seven toasters when they got married back in the seventies. Seven fricking toasters.

It certainly isn't saying that they don't want you if you bring a gift.

As for second marriages, I personally wouldn't put myself on a registry, but I can see why people do. It has just become the norm.

[oblivionx]

I had a cousin that 2nd marriaged at a masonic temple where the serving of food was some guy handing plates for you to pass around to the table.

She registered.

;p

[Kivana]

This thing of giving lists of what gifts you want from guests at weddings and baby showers is mainly an American thing. Yeah it is kind of nice to let people know what you would like so as to avoid getting 13 toasters/blenders etc but i do think it is a tad rude. If you don't like a gift, sell it or ask for the receipt so you can go to the store and trade it for something else.

Also i agree on the cost of weddings. Unless you are filthy rich and have the money to burn, i think 3/4 of it is a waste. Yes it is going to be one of, if not THE most important day of your life, but i still see no need to spend £20,000+ on a wedding. Weddings should be a celebration of love, not who can spend the most or give you the most expensive gift.

[Orlong]

A gift isn't expected, but it is certainly customary. A way to help a young couple out as they are starting their lives together. Registries are more to let people know what they want and avoid duplication of such gifts. My mom and dad got seven toasters when they got married back in the seventies. Seven fricking toasters.

It certainly isn't saying that they don't want you if you bring a gift.

As for second marriages, I personally wouldn't put myself on a registry, but I can see why people do. It has just become the norm.

I'm single and had to start out on my own as well furnishing my own house. I didnt ask all my friends and relatives for stuff to fill my house with nor did I expect them to. I slowly but surely got the things I need to cook and clean with and entertain my self with. Why should you be special just because you're getting married. If you aren't financially stable enough to furnish a home, then maybe you should wait until you are to get married.

[Deleted]

Are you really complaining about 10$ and the fact that the wedding couple would like to avoid mass duplicates?...

[gismo7354]

My best friend is getting married soon and I just bought his gift using a registry. I loved it. Went to the store and could see the things they wished for. Choose my price range and get a gift without having to worry someone getting the same gift as me.

They are only including the registry listing so to make it easier on guests that want to give gifts. If you want to get them a gift then do it. You can use the registry or not. Otherwise stop getting so up tight over things and getting "offended".

[Deleted]

To be honest, in the run up to the wedding you have better things to do than answer "What do you want as a gift?" to tons of different people — many many people will want to get a gift for the couple, and a registry or similar is pretty much win-win for everyone. The couple don't have to answer the same question hundreds of times, and those that want to get a gift have all the information they need to get something the couple actually want.

Getting worked up over such a list being included seems like a pretty large overreaction. When a pizza menu gets shoved through your letterbox, do you feel obligated to buy pizza from them? No. It's the same with wedding lists — the information is there if you want to buy a gift, but if you don't want to, just throw it away.

[Fahrenheit]

I think a card with 10 bucks in it should be sufficient

Ha. Ha. Ha.

[Monkeybrains]

I'm sensing a lot of anger by the OP here...where is all this hostility coming from?

You aren't obligated to buy anything off the registry and if you want to send them $10 in a card go ahead. But keep in mind they are probably paying $75+ per person that is showing up to their wedding (food, drinks & entertainment) So you'll actually be coming out ahead.

On a side note...if you are this angry about the registry they might not want you at the wedding anyways.

EDIT:
Also wanted to provide an alternative suggestion to NOT attending the wedding in protest of the "rude" registry with the invitation.

You should definitely attend the wedding but NOT bring a gift at all...that would really send the message about how rude a registry is....right?!

[Drummerboy]

$10 for a first marriage... really? You don't have to give anything but if you all you giving is $10 then just give nothing. If you're that broke the couple will understand if you give them nothing. If you're not broke then your a jag for not giving them something. On the other hand if you don't approve of them getting married then don't go; you shouldn't go eat their food and drink if you're not there to celebrate with them. They invited you to something extremely special and a milestone in life. The least you can do is acknowledge this and it has always been customary to give a gift as acknowledgement.

The list isn't there as a presumption that you will buy something. It's there to give you an idea on what to buy them in case you don't know. The wedding couple doesn't see it as a shopping list but as a suggestion list. Plus it will tell you what others have already purchased so that the couple does not get duplicates.

All this said, if this is the second wedding then no it's no longer a milestone. Hell I wouldn't even attend a second marriage much less give a gift for it. On the other hand if the first marriage was "really bad" and the second marriage looks to be "really good" then may be I'll give something.

On a side note...if you are this angry about the registry they might not want you at the wedding anyways.

^ BIG TIME THIS ^

[conscript]

I don't have an issue with registries, but I am a big anti-big wedding type of person. I don't at all see the point in blowing thousands and thousands of dollars on a ceremony that lasts a few hours. Weddings are exactly like funerals, gigantic money scams. If you want help starting out with gifts, how about not having your parents blow, or you blowing, several thousands dollars on a stupid ceremony. Use that money as a down payment on a home or something rather than to buy a wedding dress you will wear once. I'm not even taking into consideration the fact that most marriages end in divorce making the pomp even more pointless.

[Reeve]

I think it's nice to have a registry so I don't have to worry about what it is I should get you. It's also practically necessary when you know you'll be receiving tons of gifts so you don't end up with a bunch of duplication.

My favorite registry I've seen thus far, though, was the couple just said the thing they wanted most was to be able to enjoy their honeymoon, and any contributions people wanted to make to paypal would be appreciated a lot more than a blender.

[Maios]

Option 1: Put the registry slip in the invitation.
Option 2: Get 4000 towels and 3000 skillets at the wedding.

I'll go with option 1.

[Porcell]

I think a card with 10 bucks in it should be sufficient.

WTF. You are going to someone's wedding, not an 8 year old's birthday party. $10?

[belfpala]

Registries are damn convenient. They picked out the stuff they want, I don't have to think, just find something in my price range that hasn't been bought yet.

Note: They're throwing a big, expensive party for everyone.

That said, it depends on the couple. If it's a new couple, just moving into a new place, I'll go all out and buy something nice for them. If it's an established couple who have been living together for a long time... not so much.

Also, if I were getting married, I wouldn't expect... say... my cousin in his sophomore year of college to get me anything. Gifts should also be weighted by the giver's means.

[The One Percent]

I wouldn't go to a event where they require a gift for entry. You're inviting me. I would also not show up to a birthday or wedding without a gift, but I don't like to be forced.

But I also find the idea of weddings and birthdays and most other ceremonious bullshit... annoying, to say the least.

[Lenonis]

Anyone else find registries rude?

I think it's rude to go to an event paid for by a couple to help celebrate their new life together and expect to freeload without offering them a gift.

Registries are the couple's way of saying "Hey, this is what we can really use."

You don't have to get a gift on the registry.

You don't have to get a gift at all.

You don't want to get them a gift? Then don't attend their wedding. You obviously don't care enough about them to want to show a sign of your happiness for their new life together.

[Changeup]

Is there an open bar? I will attend and bring a gift to any and every wedding I'm invited to that includes an open bar.

If there's no open bar? Shit, sorry, have other engagements that weekend.

[Tileyfa]

I like the registries that have a variety of different priced items on them: Hardly know the couple? they need towels & it's says they want blue ones. The Groom delivered your first child when him, you & your wife was stuck in an elevator? They'd like a refrigerator without an ice-maker, preferably the kind with a larger freezer.