I doubt this will be your average "I don't want to live anymore, feed me attention" thread. These threads are generally built on emotional overreactions to dramatic events. It can be argued that reason is the opposite of emotion, and rationally, I think death is the best option for me.
I'm twenty-four, barely educated, live with my parents, and am probably crazy. I'll elaborate on this. It can be argued that everyone is crazy, and that's most likely true, but the average person is probably about seven percent sane. I'm about thirty percent sane. I can function socially. I have a respectable full-time job and make reasonable (but lackluster) pay. I can preform. But I can't relate to anyone. I have an extremely difficult time making contact with anyone. When I force myself to, I've been told that I look afraid.
Wasn't always this way, but I did a shit ton of drugs. In retrospect, all i thought about while high was how to better relate to people because I've always been shy and introverted. I thought about how to think about how they were feeling and how to relate to them, predict their actions, bounce humor and wit off of them. I wanted to be a leader of men. I think know that when you're high, you develop a train of thought so profound that it's difficult to catch up to when you're sober. Basically, your mind is split between two different perspectives, and then when you're sober again your view of the world becomes hazy.
This theory is supported in that now I am completely void of empathy. I do not give a shit about anyone but myself. I don't do drugs anymore, but when I do get high, I think so much about people I've known and the decisions that have driven their actions, and all the pain that must have influenced their decisions, that emotionally I cannot handle it. The last few times I've tried drugs I've isolated myself and cried for all the shit the people I've known have been through.
Back to the present, I've removed myself from all the friends I've ever had. I destroyed a relationship with my high school sweetheart. I barely talk to anyone, so far gone because of shame of what I've become. I don't love anyone, and truthfully, I'm not loved by anyone. This is a difficult way to live, and love is something I crave so badly that it's an obsession that I can never reach.
So this is my question. Is life worth living, if you're alone, crazy, and incapable of human relation? Suppose I get a better job, move out, get higher education, I'll still be terrified by eye contact. I still won't love anyone. I'll still be alone. What worth is success, if you can't share it with anyone?