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  1. #1

    Ratonal suicide.

    I doubt this will be your average "I don't want to live anymore, feed me attention" thread. These threads are generally built on emotional overreactions to dramatic events. It can be argued that reason is the opposite of emotion, and rationally, I think death is the best option for me.

    I'm twenty-four, barely educated, live with my parents, and am probably crazy. I'll elaborate on this. It can be argued that everyone is crazy, and that's most likely true, but the average person is probably about seven percent sane. I'm about thirty percent sane. I can function socially. I have a respectable full-time job and make reasonable (but lackluster) pay. I can preform. But I can't relate to anyone. I have an extremely difficult time making contact with anyone. When I force myself to, I've been told that I look afraid.

    Wasn't always this way, but I did a shit ton of drugs. In retrospect, all i thought about while high was how to better relate to people because I've always been shy and introverted. I thought about how to think about how they were feeling and how to relate to them, predict their actions, bounce humor and wit off of them. I wanted to be a leader of men. I think know that when you're high, you develop a train of thought so profound that it's difficult to catch up to when you're sober. Basically, your mind is split between two different perspectives, and then when you're sober again your view of the world becomes hazy.

    This theory is supported in that now I am completely void of empathy. I do not give a shit about anyone but myself. I don't do drugs anymore, but when I do get high, I think so much about people I've known and the decisions that have driven their actions, and all the pain that must have influenced their decisions, that emotionally I cannot handle it. The last few times I've tried drugs I've isolated myself and cried for all the shit the people I've known have been through.

    Back to the present, I've removed myself from all the friends I've ever had. I destroyed a relationship with my high school sweetheart. I barely talk to anyone, so far gone because of shame of what I've become. I don't love anyone, and truthfully, I'm not loved by anyone. This is a difficult way to live, and love is something I crave so badly that it's an obsession that I can never reach.

    So this is my question. Is life worth living, if you're alone, crazy, and incapable of human relation? Suppose I get a better job, move out, get higher education, I'll still be terrified by eye contact. I still won't love anyone. I'll still be alone. What worth is success, if you can't share it with anyone?

  2. #2
    Titan PizzaSHARK's Avatar
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    You're suffering from depression, and you need to speak with a licensed therapist. They're trained to help folks like you deal with what's keeping them down so they can get back up and enjoy their lives. I've been there, it sucks. Don't be afraid to ask for help, but an internet forum ain't the place.

    If you're feeling truly suicidal and need someone immediately and you're in the US, call 1-800-273-8255. That's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, and the people there are very good at what they do and will do everything that needs to be done to ensure that you receive the help you may or may not need.
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  3. #3
    Banned TheGravemind's Avatar
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    I'm kind of like in that respect, then, as I seldom socialize (what I'm doing right now is an incredibly anomaly) with people, especially IRL, and I just keep to my self, keep my peace. I think the difference, though, is that I don't find anything wrong with it and that I'm perfectly content with keeping to myself with little to none social interaction. Why do you feel as though you require social interaction?

    Of course life is worth living. Do you know what's on the other side? If not, then keep living until you find out (one way or another.) Trust me.

    It does seem like you suffer from clinical depression, though, so mere words can not help you. You should seek professional medical help and it will help you out quite a lot. Drugs can cause imbalances in the brains with certain hormones and biochemicals, so you will sometimes feel depressed for no apparent reason even.

  4. #4
    Get a dog, (unless you are alergic). First they are the best company, second they are a great way to encounter/practise encountering new people where the focus is on the dog(s) and not you, (which should help with icebreaking, becoming more comfortable around strangers etc.).

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by PizzaSHARK View Post
    You're suffering from depression, and you need to speak with a licensed therapist. They're trained to help folks like you deal with what's keeping them down so they can get back up and enjoy their lives. I've been there, it sucks. Don't be afraid to ask for help, but an internet forum ain't the place.

    If you're feeling truly suicidal and need someone immediately and you're in the US, call 1-800-273-8255. That's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, and the people there are very good at what they do and will do everything that needs to be done to ensure that you receive the help you may or may not need.
    This. Don't give up man. We all good through ups and downs in life. Get help, talk to some people. You may think you're not loved by anyone, but I doubt that's truly the case and even if it were, there are people out there that you may not have met yet who truly would appreciate you as an individual.

  6. #6
    Scarab Lord foxHeart's Avatar
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    I know what it's like to be quiet and thoughtful but to seemingly have a cat grab your tongue whenever put on the spot by another person. By myself I'm fine and can articulate what I mean pretty well; it's why I'm a decent writer. However, when a person pursues me with a conversation I haven't really prepared for I seem to lock up unintentionally and just don't really have any idea at all of what to say. It makes me unapproachable and that combined with the fact that I'm very quiet makes people avoid me or be suspicious of me. Because of those traits and my pretty nihilistic view on life, I don't make friends. I don't particularly desire them, but I'm frightened to think that I couldn't make them even if I tried. I'm also frightened to think I could never engage in any kind of romance either. It's not an easy way to live and I find myself constantly contemplating suicide. I feel dead already and truthfully don't see the point to things. It's melodramatic I suppose but living without purpose or hope is more miserable than death could ever be.

    People will tell you that you shouldn't be so down or that you should suck it up, but honestly, I'm in a similar place right now and don't see the point in continuing on if things will never change and only get worse for me. I know I'm defective and I shouldn't think this way, but it's the way it is, and from my point of view I can see suicide being somewhat rational as opposed to living out your days in misery. I wouldn't ever advise it, but at the same time I can relate to the way you feel because I'm there myself.
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  7. #7
    Suicide is never the answer. Think of the world as your own. If you want to accomplish something, then do it. Don't take the wimp way out, rough through it. We all go through bouts of depression, some worse than others. Don't think about the past at all, SCREW THE PAST. We live in the present, and plan for the future. There is no such thing as a justified suicide.

  8. #8
    This should server as a warning. Drugs are bad.

    On Topic, Have you seen a psychologist ? or a emotional therapy ?

  9. #9
    Clearly you are looking for help. This entire post is nothing if not a call for help. However, an online gaming community forum is not the appropriate place to find the kind of serious, honest, one on one help you need. Please call the number mentioned above, or go to a psychiatrist as soon as you are able. The lonliness you feel is real, but it is also only temporary, and things will get better if you allow people to help you who are in a position to do so.

  10. #10
    Legendary! The Glitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PizzaSHARK View Post
    You're suffering from depression, and you need to speak with a licensed therapist. They're trained to help folks like you deal with what's keeping them down so they can get back up and enjoy their lives. I've been there, it sucks. Don't be afraid to ask for help, but an internet forum ain't the place.

    If you're feeling truly suicidal and need someone immediately and you're in the US, call 1-800-273-8255. That's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, and the people there are very good at what they do and will do everything that needs to be done to ensure that you receive the help you may or may not need.
    Quote Originally Posted by Virtua View Post
    This. Don't give up man. We all good through ups and downs in life. Get help, talk to some people. You may think you're not loved by anyone, but I doubt that's truly the case and even if it were, there are people out there that you may not have met yet who truly would appreciate you as an individual.
    These people right here are telling the truth, OP I feel for you, I have been there myself too, and thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel, and gave up on many ocassions, I was lucky I had a family and partner that wouldn't give up on me, but the only one that can make a change is you, and thats what I did, I sought help and it has been the best descision I have made in the last 5 years.

    It's hard work, the road is long, and you will have your ups and downs, but it can be worked through and things can and do get better. I highly suspect that there are plenty of people around you that love you dearly, but are just incapable or unsure of how to help you and so therefore they tend to step back. Thats a normal reaction, and while it doesn't help your situation, it doesn't mean they don't care, please please seek medical advice, you are worth it, and you deserve to be happy!

    Please take care and I hope you get the help you so truly need!

  11. #11
    Dreadlord
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    Unless you're lazy to save yourself there's a great reason to live - you know what you want and have all the chances to do it - to get on with people.

    To the point of your cure - you should try professional help indeed. That's not even discussed.
    Also, to me it's never easy to get on with people, however i managed to find 3-4 of them to stay with and ignore others.
    But theese relationships were built by time. If i was to built them on my own i'd fail.

    Imagine: if you were lost in a huge forest with 1-2 people and had to survive for a couple of weeks finding your way out - you'd get friends with them, life would just do it for you(unless you prefere eating them, to survive omg).
    Also: if you were lost with 10 people - you'd probably still found yourself alone among them.

    Also, communication to someone who you deem worse then you(complete loosers, nerds, very young people) can bring you the illusion you're needed for some time and bring you guidance and experience. Probably you're just not ready to jump to the world of people speaking about all the 'usual stuff', yet you can prepare yourself.

    Also - if you had a young brother to care about, it'd help.
    And - I also guess it feels like a 50+y.o. persone after divorse - you just don't want to start everything anew. Yet they manage!

    Guess you're chances are pretty high - just do it. Suicide= Giving up = Looser

  12. #12
    Pandaren Monk Auloria's Avatar
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    My first thought was you might be somewhere on the autism spectrum. Talk to a doctor, probably start from a counselor who can refer you, not to mention can help you sort out what you need from life. It sounds like you have some past that you need to learn to walk away from.

    You have quite a few avenues you can try before you consider the most final one.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by 08nolanni View Post
    This should server as a warning. Drugs are bad.

    On Topic, Have you seen a psychologist ? or a emotional therapy ?
    he's depressed not because of drugs..
    "We live in a world where a style of play that uses posession and passing to try and make spaces is made fun of.
    While a style of play where a team sits back for 90 minutes and breaks away in 1v1 situations is respected."
    - Ronald Koeman.

  14. #14
    Suicide is never an option man....No matter how low things get, don't think about doing that. You may not see it in yourself, but you have something to offer to the world. Social interaction sucks for some people, I used to be like this and I hated it about myself. But, at some point, you have to get out of your comfort zone when your comfort zone is what is making you uncomfortable. I know its cliche to say things like "you're special" etc, but its true and it became a cliche for a reason. If your same routine is causing you to be down on yourself, get out and do something new. When the old shit isn't working it's time to get out there and try some shit you haven't tried before. Go be social...If it's weird, well shit you didn't lose anything but time and you aren't going to be any worse off than now it sounds like. People get down, really down man, but you have to change it for yourself. Don't take a permanent way out of temporary problems....it isn't the right answer.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by PizzaSHARK View Post
    You're suffering from depression, and you need to speak with a licensed therapist. They're trained to help folks like you deal with what's keeping them down so they can get back up and enjoy their lives. I've been there, it sucks. Don't be afraid to ask for help, but an internet forum ain't the place.

    If you're feeling truly suicidal and need someone immediately and you're in the US, call 1-800-273-8255. That's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, and the people there are very good at what they do and will do everything that needs to be done to ensure that you receive the help you may or may not need.
    this call them they can help and they will help you get in with a psychiatrist that can bring your depression under control.

  16. #16
    Mechagnome Critical92's Avatar
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    Because after you die its game over, killing yourself ain't like pushing the reset button.

    If you can have but a single moment of happiness in the remainder of your life it will be worth it.


    Just slowly start trying to dig your way out and see where it takes you.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Psyopz View Post
    I'm kind of like in that respect, then, as I seldom socialize (what I'm doing right now is an incredibly anomaly) with people, especially IRL, and I just keep to my self, keep my peace. I think the difference, though, is that I don't find anything wrong with it and that I'm perfectly content with keeping to myself with little to none social interaction. Why do you feel as though you require social interaction?

    Of course life is worth living. Do you know what's on the other side? If not, then keep living until you find out (one way or another.) Trust me.

    It does seem like you suffer from clinical depression, though, so mere words can not help you. You should seek professional medical help and it will help you out quite a lot. Drugs can cause imbalances in the brains with certain hormones and biochemicals, so you will sometimes feel depressed for no apparent reason even.
    I'm going to 100% agree with this guy, as this was my perspective. I went about two years without any real social interaction with anybody in the outside world and I was perfectly okay with it. I have a girlfriend now that I've been with for seven months and I'm out with her at least once a week (She lives an hour away, so..). She keeps saying it's a "Problem" I don't have any friends outside of the internet, but I don't think it is a problem at all. I'm actually more comfortable this way.

    What you have seems to just be clinical depression. Some people accept who they are and are comfortable with it, while others have a harder time doing that.

  18. #18
    Herald of the Titans starkey's Avatar
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    Iv'e said once and ill say it again, people who commit sucide do it not say there going to do it they just do it, your clearly reaching out and if you need some help there are professionals that deal with this, so instead of talking about your feelings too a gaming forum get professional help.

    I lost my parents in a space of 2 months, i felt like shit for like 6 months i shut everyone out of my life, i gained weight i lost my job i thought its either going to get worse or better, a friends wife who was a nurse booked me into a therapist what a great emotional outlet for me it was like the world was lifted off my shoulders, managed to get back on my feet i changed my lifestyle, depression comes in many forms be it food,alcohol,drugs after 3 months ive never felt more alive and better for it, people who get deep into depression get into a routine and its hard to break.
    All the weight i gained i lost, and also found a new and better job.

    Get help, therapists don't bite they just charge alot
    Last edited by starkey; 2012-11-22 at 07:35 AM.
    You are lying! I never hit you! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!

  19. #19
    Dreadlord
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    As others have said, you seem to be suffering from fairly straightforward depression. There are various types of depression, and you're probably having withdrawal symptoms from people company. You know it yourself that you crave love. Go take steps to find it. It doesn't have to be romantic love initially, just focus on the love of a good friend first.

    Also, see a psychiatrist if you can't seem to take the first steps yourself. Depression is not a rare problem, but it can be a serious one; however you have very superficial reasons to commit suicide. It may seem like the world is upside down, but trust me it's well within your power to right it. Seek help, find friends, and when you're comfortable with yourself, find the romantic love you crave.

  20. #20
    You came to the wrong spot, really. You should ask somebody trained in this.

    But since you did come here, I'll offer my two cents, but they aren't words of a professional by any means.

    There's a good chance you have some form of Autism, maybe Asperger's. Of course, that doesn't mean life isn't worth living. For one, just from what I was able to glean from your post, you don't seem as bad as you believe yourself to be, which is potentially due to depression or just low self-esteem. Again, professionals could give a real diagnosis.

    At 24, you have a lot of life ahead of you. You have a lot of changes still to come, and many opportunities and people that can really make a difference in your life. You'll know when they come, and you'll be glad you didn't make the decision that life wasn't worth living. You don't know what the future holds, all you know is your past (which is valuable for learning) and the present (which presents the potential for changing). The future could hold so much that could make your life better than you can even imagine. Don't skip out on it.

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