The Nerdy Jokes and One Liners Thread

[Deleted]

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.

The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.

Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.

They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.

The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."

The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."

The programmer said "I think your both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."

also, http://www.phy.ilstu.edu/~rfm/107f07/epmjokes.html

[Latias12]

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases here!" Argon doesn't react.

[Belize]

Why don't you come back to my place so I can show you the exponential growth of my natural log.

[Reg]

Archimedes, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide-and-seek. Archimedes covers his eyes and starts counting. Pascal looks around and hides behind a bush. Newton grabs a stick and scrapes a one meter by one meter square in the dirt and stands in it. Otherwise he does not hide at all. Archimedes opens his eyes and looks around. Of course, he immediately sees Newton and calls "I see Newton." Newton calmly says "But hang on, one Newton in a square meter is a Pascal!"

[Deleted]

seems relevant.

[deli73]

Math joke:
Why can't negative numbers be trees?
Because their roots are imaginary.

Philosophy Joke:
Descarte walks into a bar. The bartender says "would you like a drink?" Descarte responds "I think not!" and disappears.

Programming Joke ()
My teacher told me to drop the argument, so I did, but then I got an error:

Traceback (most recent call last):
File "<pyshell#0>", line 1, in <module>
range()
TypeError: range expected at least 1 arguments, got 0

[Dyra]

Why did the cat slide off the roof?

It didn't have enough Mu.

[BearGod-Siel]

Ganondorf can't surf the internet, too many links.

[Alexpower3]

There's only 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

I Lol'd

to the uninitiated - "10" or more accurately "00000010" is binary for 2.

[Thorfisnson]

C dot C dot run

Is this nerdy enough?

[schwank05]

What to hear a dirty joke?

"Sure"

Pig fell in the mud, LOL

[Thorfisnson]

How do you tell what sex a chromosone is?

Pull down its genes.

[lordsphinx]

Not nerdy, but dry as hell...

"Have you heard about these new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!!"

[Felicia]

My husband once used this on me: Needless to say, it worked. lol

Do I get experience for exploring you?

He had a few others from the past, but he's on duty today. Also in his AWAT class, so I can't get them! :/

[Bashkar]

A physicist, statistician, and engineer are building rockets in an attempt to hit a target in the field.

The physicist fires the first rocket, and it lands five yards short.

The engineer fires the second, the rocket overshoots and lands five yards long.

The statistician tells out: WE HIT IT!

[muto]

**How do you tell when a mathematician is an extravert? When he talks to your shoes instad of his own

**An engineer is someone who wishes he was a physicist but wasnt smart enough. A physicist thinks if he was only a little smarter he could be god. If god was a little smarter he could be a mathematician.

**3 physicists and 3 chemists are on a train to a conference together. The chemists are suprised when the physicists only buy one ticket. "How are you going to travel," they ask. "Wait and see," comes the reply.

On the train all 3 physicists pile into a bathroom. When the conductor is checking tickets he knocks on the bathroom door and a hand shoves out the one ticket. The chemists think this is pretty clever. On the way home they buy one ticket for the 3 of them, but notice the physicists buy no ticket. "How are you going to travel," they ask. "Wait and see," comes the reply.

On the train the 3 chemists pile into a bathroom. One of the physicists walks up to the bathroom after a few minutes, knocks and says "ticket please."

Lol that's good.

[Nario64]

Argon walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here!"
Argon doesn't react.

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases here!" Argon doesn't react.

There's only 2 pages, and a repost already?

Descartes walks into a bar and sits down, the bartender walks up to him and says "You, my man, look like you need a stiff drink." Descartes considers this, and shakes his head "No, I don't think-" and ceases to exist.

Philosophy Joke:
Descarte walks into a bar. The bartender says "would you like a drink?" Descarte responds "I think not!" and disappears.

2 reposts


Read the jokes before you post >.<

[Ssith]

what's the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?

you can't hear an enzyme.

[Evil Inside]

I was once in a band called 1023MB, we hadn't had any gigs yet.

[Belize]

I Lol'd

to the uninitiated - "10" or more accurately "00000010" is binary for 2.

thanks for explaining, I'm sure most people who are looking at this thread have no idea what it is, even though there's been even worst machine language and programming language jokes before it :P