Coping w/ divorce.

[Nachosupreme]

Inspired by the "Your parents....together or divorced?" poll, btw.

I've been with my wife for 7 years, married 5, and separated for about 7 months now. We're currently going through the process of getting a divorce, which she filed for. We've both signed the final decree, but other than that she hasn't given me much info about what's going on. This morning she emails me and says, "Wednesday morning I have court and then we will officially be divorced."

Since our separation I've had intercourse with a few women in an attempt to get my mind off of my situation, it sorta worked for a couple of days. I don't really have any emotion about what's going on right now, but I know on Wednesday when she emails me and says that we're officially divorced I'm probably going to freak out.

My question for those of you that have been in similar situations; how did you deal with it?

Deep down I still love her but I know there is no hope for us. Harumph.

[Fitzgerald77]

Hookers and beer.

[Deleted]

Hookers and beer.

For science.

[Nachosupreme]

No need for hookers lol.. I just have to take the ten minute drive down to Bourbon St or the French Quarter and I'm set

I just need to get balls deep in a hobby I spose.

[Swargle]

I don't know our particular situation, so it's hard to council. I'm going through a rather arduous divorce myself at the moment, been with her for 8 years, married 4 years as of Nov. This will be be my second anniversary during divorce proceedings. Because from what iI can tel you are letting her control the whole process.

You need to be involved in your divorce proceedings, and no matter how you may feel now, if you don't take an interest in self preservation now, you will wish you had. When you finally get over this and see any kind of stuff you agreed to, or just let slide, "for her sake" because I lover her still" or anything else like that, it will eat you alive and build resentment.

Protect yourself. Protect yourself. Protect yourself. No amount of other women will fix how it feels. No amount of booze will stop the hurt, unless you drink yourself to a coma, or to death.

Source: helping my dad through 8 divorces.

[Deleted]

Ive never had a divorce but I did break up from a 5 year relationship and then a 2 year one before that and what worked best is just talking to everyone. Every stranger, friend, co worker, random woman on the bus how bad he was and what a jerk he was. Every time I talked about it, I felt a little better and now, 6 months later, Im completely over him.

At the time it was hell though, I thought Id never get over him and never find anyone like him again and was stuck in all the good memories. But it did happen eventually, you probably dont believe me right now if youre going through the same thing, I didnt believe anyone either at first, but it does happen.

[Lenonis]

I just need to get balls deep in a hobby I spose.

There is a danger in using distraction to avoid dealing with the feelings. Sex, hobbies, sex while doing hobbies... They are likely to be great to blunt the initial emotional shock, but then you have to actually deal with the feelings.

You can always go talk to someone -- whether that's a friend, family member, or a professional. Vent your feelings and begin working on truly moving on.

Or, if you are good at self-reflection, just spend a bit of time every now and then working through it all.

But be careful about just burying it all and playing with shiny objects. That strategy usually has a nasty way of blowing up in your face down the road.

Hope things work out for ya for the best.

[Skippy88]

Never been through it so take this with a grain of salt but logically you know your relationship is over. It's okay to still love her but start looking at the future. Go out start meeting new people. Don't forget to do a self-analysis of what went wrong in the relationship so it doesn't happen again. Finally, don't be mad at her which is a trap so many people walk into as when you got married you both knew in the back of your mind you knew people will change over time and there was a chance it might not work out.

Good luck with your future.

[Giants41]

Do you have any children? If so you should try and remain friendly with her for the childs sake. If not than try your best to move on and look to the future.

[Deftone007]

Hit the gym and continue to aquire currency.

[Blueobelisk]

Hit the gym and continue to aquire currency.

So it can go to alimony?

[phenix]

My question for those of you that have been in similar situations; how did you deal with it?

Never been married so take it for what its worth but even though you invested a lot of time in a relation and still love her somewhat.... Whats left in a relation if the other person doesn't love you anymore? There's someone out there with which you will be happier then ever.

[tcterror67]

Be glad you dont have kids its 100 times worse but from a guy that was married 10 years and divorced all i can say it it really sucks my friend but it will get better belive me its been 6 years since we were divorced and i could not be happier. My life is going great i have both kids and she has driven her life into the ground. All because she wanted her freedom and the chance to explore lol

[Templar 331]

Inspired by the "Your parents....together or divorced?" poll, btw.

I've been with my wife for 7 years, married 5, and separated for about 7 months now. We're currently going through the process of getting a divorce, which she filed for. We've both signed the final decree, but other than that she hasn't given me much info about what's going on. This morning she emails me and says, "Wednesday morning I have court and then we will officially be divorced."

Since our separation I've had intercourse with a few women in an attempt to get my mind off of my situation, it sorta worked for a couple of days. I don't really have any emotion about what's going on right now, but I know on Wednesday when she emails me and says that we're officially divorced I'm probably going to freak out.

My question for those of you that have been in similar situations; how did you deal with it?

Deep down I still love her but I know there is no hope for us. Harumph.

These two things stuck out to me. You don't know why she's leaving and you don't have any emotional response to it? I would have at least found out why before the divorce process started. The best advice you can get is to find out why she left. If it's you, then you can avoid doing the same thing later on in life. If it's her, let her go. If she thinks it won't work and there's nothing you can do, don't worry. There's no way of changing her mind. Best to just move on. Find someone who's happy to be with you and you the same with her.

[Yerbury]

Forgive me, but a few things stand out here.

Are you represented? Was negotiation or ADR discussed by your attorney? These are vehicles designed to (i) keep legal costs down and (ii) provide a less adversarial environment encouraging cooperation and communication. Was this not done, or at least recommended?

It is unusual for a situation to arise where one party has little to no idea 'what's going on'. If you are represented, your attorney should be keeping you abreast of developments and timelines. If you aren't represented, you are still entitled to service of documents and other relevant matters by the courts and your wife's legal counsel.

Wednesday should not have come as a surprise to you. Given that you were unaware of such a fundamental aspect of the proceedings, have you been keeping track of financial settlement matters? Divorce stings, but not half as much as onerous ongoing financial liability after the dust has settled.