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  1. #1
    The Patient LegendaryDude's Avatar
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    Completely sick of life

    I'll start this by telling you a bit about my life. I'm a 22 year old guy, i have a job, i have some hobbies, i have a few friends i hang out with, party on weekends, etc. A "normal" life, i guess.

    And i sickens the fuck out of me. Ever since i was like 10 years old, people annoyed me. I wasn't friends with people i really liked, i was friends with people who didn't annoy me as much as other people. Of course, there were allways some people i liked/loved.
    I got on with my life like that since about 5 years ago, where i met my last girlfriend. For the first time in my life i felt really happy, we had a good, satisfying relationship. We were together for 2 years, until she got pregnant and lost the baby. We both couldn't get over it (i still can't til today) and broke up because of it.

    However, for the following 2 years, i was pretty much her bitch. She used me for sex whenever she felt like it, and i went with it because i still loved her like crazy. I eventually "broke free" of this, and stopped contact with her. But ever since we broke up, i feel like i did before our relationship. My 2 primary feelings are rage and sadness. But i can't even cry anymore, though i would really like to from time to time. I lost contact to allmost all of my family because the annoyed me so much.

    However, this year started off pretty well. I got into a new group of people and i really liked these people at first. But after some time, i realized they aren't any different then all those people who betrayed me and played games with me before. There were like 2 people out of this group that were honest, caring individuals. 1 guy, 1 girl. I fell in love with the girl. For the first time since the break up with my last girlfriend, i was able to be open and honest about my feelings. My feelings for here grew stronger over the time, and i felt like she had feelings for me too. We kissed, we slept with each other, i've been with her on the weekends. So, i finally told her that i love her a few weeks ago. Turns out she had some feelings for me, but also for this other guy i really liked.

    They are now in an relationship with each other. She also said some things to me that really hurt me. So now, i just can't talk to these 2 people anymore. I just can't. I am so sad right now and so angry i can't even explain it. I open my heart and she breaks it.

    So now, my group of friends contains of these 2 people that really hurt me, and some other people i don't really trust. It's fun to hang out with them, but that's about it. But if i quit the contact with them, i have no one. I would be completely alone.

    So now i stand here. No real friends, nobody to love, feeling nothing but annoyance for the people around me, and sadness and anger about my life. I hate my job. I hate my family. And in the end, everyone i love just hurts me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be happy. I want to be loved. But i also want to be alone somehow because most people annoy me so much and make me angry. I am torn about everything. I am unable to make any meaningful decisions. Getting closer to christmas does not make it any better.

    I tried suicide on christmas eve 2010, and right now, i feel just as helpless and alone as i did back then. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be happy.

    I know this is probably not the right place to post stuff like this. But i am open for any help i can get, so i thought "why not?".

    Sorry that this is pretty wall-of-text-ish, and a bit... all over the place with no real structure. I just wrote it as it came up in my mind. I hope it's understandable

  2. #2
    Pack your things, move to a new place, restart your life. Realize that there's more to life than the routine + mean girl you've gotten used to over the last few years; it's easy to forget that. Remember that you're still young, not even half of your life or a third (if you're lucky) has gone by yet, you still have a lot to live for. Everything you've experienced so far is just going to double and triple, and maybe for the good. Surely you don't wanna throw that away. I empathize with you though, we've probably all felt that at one point or another.
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  3. #3
    You're alone even when you are with other people. Learn this well. If they respected you they would have not dragged you into such a poor situation. Suicide is never really going to do anything for you, if you want to do something positive at least try to help people who are less fortunate than you.

    People who are starving, people with no shelter, people who have no running water, people who don't have the internet to whine over. Your problems are just miniscule, you are 22, you don't even have real friends yet. Real friends occur over a decade or so of relationships. You can easily make those relationships now. Don't plan the pity party yet. You have a long way to go to be truly miserable.

  4. #4
    I am Murloc! Bananarepublic's Avatar
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    Before you think about suicide again, watch this video:


    As for your problem....I don't know. I have never loved a girl and while I really want to, no girl currently interests me. (well except one but..)

    So I can't say I can really help you there.

  5. #5
    Titan Wildtree's Avatar
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    Have you ever had any counseling? Don't be too proud or what ever.... But I seriously believe that you should get counseling.

    I have only one point to give you here. and that's learn to love yourself.
    You cannot expect others to love you, if you yourself can't love you. And it's also harder to love others as well.

    Learn to love you, and find counseling.

  6. #6
    Epic!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strakha View Post
    You're alone even when you are with other people. Learn this well. If they respected you they would have not dragged you into such a poor situation. Suicide is never really going to do anything for you, if you want to do something positive at least try to help people who are less fortunate than you.

    People who are starving, people with no shelter, people who have no running water, people who don't have the internet to whine over. Your problems are just miniscule, you are 22, you don't even have real friends yet. Real friends occur over a decade or so of relationships. You can easily make those relationships now. Don't plan the pity party yet. You have a long way to go to be truly miserable.
    This is an absolutely terrible thing to say to a suicidal person.

    OP, just wait and see. It's not like anyone can guarantee that things will get better, but they definitely won't get any better if you're dead.

  7. #7
    The Lightbringer Deadvolcanoes's Avatar
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    This is going to be an insensitive but honest post.

    I can't relate to you at all, so its hard for me to sympathize. Everything your going through really doesn't sound that bad. I mean there's people in this county who don't have food/heat/shelter. There's people in this world that live in mud huts and shit in buckets that get thrown into their bath and drinking water. You hate your job? 23 million people in this country don't have one but want one.

    Everyone goes through difficult times. I've had more than my fair share of fucked up shit happen to me that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

    I think you need to put your problems into perspective. Yeah, its insensitive, its probably not what you want to hear, but I don't feel like sugar coating it.

    If you tried to kill yourself then you need help. Talk it out with someone. If talking doesn't help, you need to find your own reasons to live. That's not something a forum can do for you.
    It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere.

  8. #8
    professional help rather than the MMO-champ forums might be the way to go, a buddie of mine had to get some pro help after his fiance broke off their marriage, tried to kill her self, then within six months was having some other guys baby.

    life is harsh and i'm afraid the mmo-champ forums aren't the best place to get real help from.

    seriously, seek out a professional.
    where's the goddamned ESO sub forum?

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Alaitoc View Post
    This is an absolutely terrible thing to say to a suicidal person.

    OP, just wait and see. It's not like anyone can guarantee that things will get better, but they definitely won't get any better if you're dead.
    Please, if you are depressed and on the internet you are just whining. I'd like to see what they've done to correct the situation before making this post. It's either a troll post or just a poorly thought out lonely post that wants to get as much attention as possible. Real problems usually don't make it to these forums.

  10. #10
    The Lightbringer Deadvolcanoes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alaitoc View Post
    This is an absolutely terrible thing to say to a suicidal person.
    What makes you so qualified to judge that? Everyone's problems and situations are different. Putting things into perspective has always worked for me.
    It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere.

  11. #11
    Stood in the Fire Kalium's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LegendaryDude View Post
    ...I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be happy... so i thought "why not?"...
    This ^.

    You have the power to change the way you see the world. Find yourself. Discover what brings you joy and happiness. Follow those things. Life is too short not to be happy as much as possible. People come and go in our lives. Don't get hung up on the past learn from it and move on. Life is the future not the past. Don't focus on what is "normal" or what you don't have. Figure out what you want. If it's a relationship... you are going to get hurt. It sucks but it happens. Don't hang your happiness on someone else's opinion of your worth. You define your own worth. It's your life... don't be afraid to stand up and live it.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by LegendaryDude View Post
    I'll start this by telling you a bit about my life. I'm a 22 year old guy, i have a job, i have some hobbies, i have a few friends i hang out with, party on weekends, etc. A "normal" life, i guess.

    And i sickens the fuck out of me. Ever since i was like 10 years old, people annoyed me. I wasn't friends with people i really liked, i was friends with people who didn't annoy me as much as other people. Of course, there were allways some people i liked/loved.
    I got on with my life like that since about 5 years ago, where i met my last girlfriend. For the first time in my life i felt really happy, we had a good, satisfying relationship. We were together for 2 years, until she got pregnant and lost the baby. We both couldn't get over it (i still can't til today) and broke up because of it.

    However, for the following 2 years, i was pretty much her bitch. She used me for sex whenever she felt like it, and i went with it because i still loved her like crazy. I eventually "broke free" of this, and stopped contact with her. But ever since we broke up, i feel like i did before our relationship. My 2 primary feelings are rage and sadness. But i can't even cry anymore, though i would really like to from time to time. I lost contact to allmost all of my family because the annoyed me so much.

    However, this year started off pretty well. I got into a new group of people and i really liked these people at first. But after some time, i realized they aren't any different then all those people who betrayed me and played games with me before. There were like 2 people out of this group that were honest, caring individuals. 1 guy, 1 girl. I fell in love with the girl. For the first time since the break up with my last girlfriend, i was able to be open and honest about my feelings. My feelings for here grew stronger over the time, and i felt like she had feelings for me too. We kissed, we slept with each other, i've been with her on the weekends. So, i finally told her that i love her a few weeks ago. Turns out she had some feelings for me, but also for this other guy i really liked.

    They are now in an relationship with each other. She also said some things to me that really hurt me. So now, i just can't talk to these 2 people anymore. I just can't. I am so sad right now and so angry i can't even explain it. I open my heart and she breaks it.

    So now, my group of friends contains of these 2 people that really hurt me, and some other people i don't really trust. It's fun to hang out with them, but that's about it. But if i quit the contact with them, i have no one. I would be completely alone.

    So now i stand here. No real friends, nobody to love, feeling nothing but annoyance for the people around me, and sadness and anger about my life. I hate my job. I hate my family. And in the end, everyone i love just hurts me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be happy. I want to be loved. But i also want to be alone somehow because most people annoy me so much and make me angry. I am torn about everything. I am unable to make any meaningful decisions. Getting closer to christmas does not make it any better.

    I tried suicide on christmas eve 2010, and right now, i feel just as helpless and alone as i did back then. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be happy.

    I know this is probably not the right place to post stuff like this. But i am open for any help i can get, so i thought "why not?".

    Sorry that this is pretty wall-of-text-ish, and a bit... all over the place with no real structure. I just wrote it as it came up in my mind. I hope it's understandable
    As someone who was once suicidal and very unhappy I'm going to repeat something I saw that meant a lot to me:

    Feeling suicidal? Good, the world is now your oyster. Find what makes you happy, do what you want, the worst that could happen is you die somehow, not really any worse than what you're thinking of now. Give yourself that chance, give yourself that time, if you need to leave behind everything you feel is holding you back, let go of all your hatred, all your anger, all your sadness, realize that when you've reached the point where you feel like you have nothing that means you have EVERYTHING to gain. Find your life, you aren't the only person to have ever felt this way and many have gotten through it. The fact that you are still alive is proof that you are strong enough to face life and death.

    Most people will never know how strong we truly are. We stared death in the face, we embraced it, then we moved on and continued life. Keep pursuing life.

  13. #13
    I'm sooo gona get banned for this.

    All I see is some 22 year old kid refusing to grow up and QQing about it. The world does not revolve around you or your specific needs. Seriously all I see here is egotistical QQer who QQes that people refuse to conform to his expectations.

    You wont get any sympathy from me. Suck it up princess and move along. Others have it worse.

    P.S Also consider talking to a professional. Treatment or meds might help if you actually have serious issues.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mooneye View Post
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  14. #14
    @ OP

    Seek professional help. I mean this in all seriousness. I know someone who has chronic depression and this sounds very similar. It is only amplified by the anxiety and possibly the OCD you have over the miscarriage. Moving to a new place will not fix it, it seems there is something deep in your subconscious that is bothering you and that is why you have issues.
    I am Dave ! Yognaught, and I have the balls!

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Bigsilly View Post
    @ OP

    Seek professional help. I mean this in all seriousness. I know someone who has chronic depression and this sounds very similar. It is only amplified by the anxiety and possibly the OCD you have over the miscarriage. Moving to a new place will not fix it, it seems there is something deep in your subconscious that is bothering you and that is why you have issues.
    I don't think a therapist can help him, he probably just needs to talk to all the people involved with the crisis that he suffers from.

  16. #16
    Epic!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deadvolcanoes View Post
    What makes you so qualified to judge that? Everyone's problems and situations are different. Putting things into perspective has always worked for me.
    Just because it works for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone either.

    I'm only offering a more tentative solution than "other people have it worse, suck it up". In my case and many others this line of argument wasn't helpful.

  17. #17
    Life can suck some times, I was with a girl for 6 years, broke up, felt like shit, tried killing myself, got into drugs, fights, the wrong crowds, wanted to die constantly, didn't give a shit about anything. Then about a year later I found someone new. I got clean, found new friends then after that I got a new job, didn't love it but it pays the bills. Wait it out, try to make shit better. Someone new will come along when you've given up looking.

  18. #18
    You have the will to live a happy life. Rejoice about this

    Depression isn't sadness, depression is emptiness. You're not empty. You're full of life and you want to experience it. Make more experiences, you'll be hurt even more in the process, yes, but you'll get the rewards in due time.

    Get counseling help to get through it.

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Mihalik View Post
    I'm sooo gona get banned for this.

    All I see is some 22 year old kid refusing to grow up and QQing about it. The world does not revolve around you or your specific needs. Seriously all I see here is egotistical QQer who QQes that people refuse to conform to his expectations.

    You wont get any sympathy from me. Suck it up princess and move along. Others have it worse.
    Has nothing to do with "growing up" or getting tougher skin. Suppressing things like this only cause more issues in the long run
    I am Dave ! Yognaught, and I have the balls!

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Vergil View Post
    Life can suck some times, I was with a girl for 6 years, broke up, felt like shit, tried killing myself, got into drugs, fights, the wrong crowds, wanted to die constantly, didn't give a shit about anything. Then about a year later I found someone new. I got clean, found new friends then after that I got a new job, didn't love it but it pays the bills. Wait it out, try to make shit better. Someone new will come along when you've given up looking.
    No offence but why would you try to kill yourself over a girl? I can understand killing yourself if you are on the bus in MASH and making noise for the enemy(it wasn't a chicken!), but to kill yourself just over a social causation seems frail. Any extrapolation or decline to comment?

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