How to ask out a dedicated Christian woman?

[Letmesleep]

'Fancy going out somewhere' 'want to go for a coffee' tis simple really.

Pretty much. You can take just about any girl to "coffee", that is assuming they like coffee. It's just about creating an opportunity to get to know each other in a low stress environment. It doesn't have to be coffee, going to any inexpensive, public place is non threatening way to see if you would be interested in spending more time with each other.

[Seegtease]

No, I wouldn't. I burned through two years of life dating an Evangelical Christian, and the primary thing it taught me is that hardcore Christians will never, ever simply take "I respect you but don't share your beliefs and never will" for an answer.

Of course not, when deciding if you want to spend your life with someone, they need to share basic values or it'll never work. It'd be like taking someone who is obsessed with cats and has a dozen cats and pairing them with someone who is allergic to cats or just hates cats. The relationship is not going to work. If you disagree with the very core of that person's nature, then why would you stay with someone for so long, or even consider a marriage? Honestly, I'm surprised it took you two years to work that one over.

But you shouldn't be bitter because of their stance. Not every issue can be overlooked or put aside or changed. Some things are just going to be dealbreakers. This happens to be one of them.

[zingar]

not tying to star trouble but it kinda annoys me when people talk about being "virtuous". really? what have you done to save even one of the 40k or so children that die every single die due to starvation/famine?
nothing. and you probably dont care about it one bit since youre in an online forum asking for help on how to get a date

[Spectral]

Of course not, when deciding if you want to spend your life with someone, they need to share basic values or it'll never work.

I was, and am, entirely capable of saying, "fine, we disagree about that and aren't likely to see eye to eye, so we'll just set it aside". That you concur that it's completely impossible for Evangelicals to do this is kind of the point.

If you disagree with the very core of that person's nature, then why would you stay with someone for so long, or even consider a marriage?

I said nothing of marriage. I have no desire to marry anyone.

Honestly, I'm surprised it took you two years to work that one over.

It was less of a problem early. I'd assumed that she was actually fine with having a non-malleable partner, but I was incorrect.

But you shouldn't be bitter because of their stance. Not every issue can be overlooked or put aside or changed. Some things are just going to be dealbreakers. This happens to be one of them.

Right, I'll never date one of those crazies again.

[Seegtease]

To the OP: if she really is as you say, perhaps the first step would simply be to talk about it. Many Christians follow the ideas of courtship rather than dating (that is, pursuing a relationship for the purpose if seeing if that person could be someone you would want to marry, as opposed to pursuing a relationship for fun with maybe considering the idea of marriage).

There's no shame in simply asking her what her views on dating are. Once you get those figured out, it'll be a lot easier to see how you could respond. Get an active dialogue going, find a subtle way to introduce the topic. Maybe do some research on it and tell her you were reading about dating/courting and was wondering what she, as a Christian, thought about it. Don't be overzealous, but you need to know what you're getting into first.

[Letmesleep]

Of course not, when deciding if you want to spend your life with someone, they need to share basic values or it'll never work. It'd be like taking someone who is obsessed with cats and has a dozen cats and pairing them with someone who is allergic to cats or just hates cats. The relationship is not going to work. If you disagree with the very core of that person's nature, then why would you stay with someone for so long, or even consider a marriage? Honestly, I'm surprised it took you two years to work that one over.

But you shouldn't be bitter because of their stance. Not every issue can be overlooked or put aside or changed. Some things are just going to be dealbreakers. This happens to be one of them.

I strongly agree. Make sure your values line up when pursing someone seriously.

[Seegtease]

I was, and am, entirely capable of saying, "fine, we disagree about that and aren't likely to see eye to eye, so we'll just set it aside". That you concur that it's completely impossible for Evangelicals to do this is kind of the point.



I said nothing of marriage. I have no desire to marry anyone.

Then what the heck were you talking about? You were with her for two years, had no intent of getting married, and were surprised that she was not interested in pursuing the relationship any further?

[Pej]

To OP :
Coffee, just coffee, and rollin'.

[Spectral]

Then what the heck were you talking about? You were with her for two years, had no intent of getting married, and were surprised that she was not interested in pursuing the relationship any further?

I left her, and essentially had to push her away, not the other way around. The persistent attempts at conversion (among other things) got tiresome.

You seem to see the world through the prism that marriage is the end goal of relationships. It's not, not for everyone.

[haxartus]

Well she is older than me, probably smarter than me, and probably more virtuous than me. By which I mean that she is a dedicated Christian.

Start with the idea that all of those assumptions are false (besides the first one) and don't treat her any differently.

[Letmesleep]

not tying to star trouble but it kinda annoys me when people talk about being "virtuous". really? what have you done to save even one of the 40k or so children that die every single die due to starvation/famine?
nothing. and you probably dont care about it one bit since youre in an online forum asking for help on how to get a date

Why would you even bother asking "what have you done to save the children" as if you already know he hasn't done anything to try? What do you even know about the OP?

[Seegtease]

I left her, and essentially had to push her away, not the other way around. The persistent attempts at conversion (among other things) got tiresome.

You seem to see the world through the prism that marriage is the end goal of relationships. It's not, not for everyone.

You're right, and I acknowledge that fact. But it seems silly, since you are someone who doesn't see that as the end goal, to want to be in a relationship with one who does. You know there's going to be a problem down the line.

[Spectral]

You're right, and I acknowledge that fact. But it seems silly, since you are someone who doesn't see that as the end goal, to want to be in a relationship with one who does. You know there's going to be a problem down the line.

You may have not been aware of this, but some people lie about a lot of things and figure they'll simply talk their partner into them later. In this particular case, things like being alright with being with someone that didn't share her religious beliefs and desire for marriage were among them. I've never been anything other than forthright.

I suppose it's fine when it's lying for Jesus though.

[fizzbob]

tell her you wanna fuck her in the ass. her reaction will tell you if she's worth it or not. if she lets you, she's not worth it. if she doesn't she's not worth it either though.

[The Ogdru Jahad]

"I know its absurd, but every time I walk towards you, it feels like im being lead to bethlehem."

You're welcome.

This. This times 10. Fuck it. This times 1000. /thread after this. Nothing can top it, and nothing ever will.

[Seegtease]

You may have not been aware of this, but some people lie about a lot of things and figure they'll simply talk their partner into them later. In this particular case, things like being alright with being with someone that didn't share her religious beliefs and desire for marriage were among them. I've never been anything other than forthright.

I suppose it's fine when it's lying for Jesus though.

You're being deliberately antagonistic with snarky comments and it's making it difficult to take what you say at face value.

[haxartus]

I would stay away as far as possible from anyone heavily religious. Maybe it's just me but I assume that there must be something wrong with them.

[Spectral]

You're being deliberately antagonistic with snarky comments and it's making it difficult to take what you say at face value.

I think the snark is warranted, given the topic. There's some ideas that I'm just no longer willing to treat with any measure of seriousness, they've simply shown themselves to be worthy of only mockery and derision.

[Mercadi]

I would stay away as far as possible from anyone heavily religious. Maybe it's just me but I assume that there must be something wrong with them.

I believe that no matter how hard they are stuck in religion there's still a way to sway them out of it. Although it may take a lot of effort, from both parties involved

[Seegtease]

I think the snark is warranted, given the topic. There's some ideas that I'm just no longer willing to treat with any measure of seriousness, they've simply shown themselves to be worthy of only mockery and derision.

Well, then I can only say I'm sorry that you've had to deal with being wronged by so many people claiming to be Christians.