Are you a loner?

[Tommy T]

I like to think of it as being a Lone Wolf.

I have never had a need for friends personally. I'm not bothered if I don't go out much. I'm more than happy with my own company. I go to the Cinema alone. I go up to London to watch Chelsea games on my own. I shop alone, I go to the gym on my own, I do most of my activities alone. People think that is weird and they often "feel sorry" for me. Why?

I'm not shy at all. I can talk to people, I just choose not to be around others. I prefer my own company. While I do have a few close friends, I rarely do anything more with them then go get drunk on the odd Friday night. I've had girlfriends, and successful long term relationships. I would say I am quite social if that makes sense. I initiate conversations with strangers and colleagues and am happy to have a conversation but when it comes to living life, I prefer to do it alone. I'm raising money at the moment to do a charity skydive next year...on my own. Why is it people think they should feel sorry for you if you prefer to live so introverted? My quality of life is excellent, I love my life and I don't see how having loads of friends would improve it.

Obviously when it comes to women I'm a little different. I find women a lot easier to be myself around and they generally accept me for being "a loner". I've actually had a lot of them say it's sexy.

TL;DR - I'm a normal healthy person with the ability to socialise and make friends but I choose not to, because I prefer to live life on my own and by my own rules.


Are you the same?

[Kerath]

No, not a loner personally.
Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy alone time, and it's not like I have a massive social circle. I like spending time with my close friends and family though, and am happier when doing activities with someone else (shopping, cinema, occasional drinks etc).
To each his or her own though - if you're happier when alone then cool - certainly less hassle trying to work with other people's schedules!

[StaeleAilar]

Being a "loner" is much easier lol. I have a few close friends that i occasionally do stuff with but other than that i really just would rather come home and stay home watch a movie, play some games or something and just relax. Rather than be going out all the time partying and stuff (really not my scene at all).

People give me crap for it and family are on my case about it constantly, and admittedly at times i do feel kinda lonely not having someone (in terms of a partner) around to talk to/be with, but even if i did, i'd still prefer to be doing what i do now, just with them there as well >.>. Though not all the time, i mean, i need alone time xD

[Evil Inside]

These days yes, in my teen years I used to have a big social circle, lots of "friends", as I grew older I kept dropping more and more friends until I got to this point, these days I can count the number of friends on two hands but they're real friends. So most of the time yes, I'm a loner.

[Deleted]

I used to have plenty of friends.. But as I grow up and they grow up, grown to different personalities and lifestyles. I am 28, have a wife, mortgage, dachshound. One of my best friends lives with mom, second lives as hippie. We have different things in our minds - we have problems to find a topic to chat about and not start to argue. Sad.

I am not meeting that much peeps as before, I had just enough of pubs and hippie life I get used to live, 7 years is just enough. So I have limited possibilities to meet people - work, wow.. And I am not looking for more, not working on new acquaintances to progress. I am focused more on family, my hobbies, I am simply contented in a state I am now.

I dont need any more companions in my life, so I guess, I am a loner.

[StayTuned]

No. I hate being alone and I feel bad at the moment because I am forced to be separated from my friends. Luckily I'll be able to join them again next week. It's been half a year since I saw them last.

I have spent many years without friends during my childhood and I though I was okay, until I finally made some really good friends and now I can't imagine living without them anymore.

[Noxina]

Not sure if I can call this a loner, but I havent realy had any true friends since 7th grade (I was like 12-13 then I think..?), and I'm 22 now. I've had friends at school, but never someone to hang with after, pretty much because I never cared, and I dont trust people.
I did rely on alcohol to be social at some point, and that laster for a year or two, where I went out on parties and stuff to be "social", and I never had a problem being social with random strangers or people I knew from school.
But without alcohol I was never social after school

I've had a girlfriend now for 2 years(I've had others aswell after I "lost" my friends), and that's all the social part I got at the moment, we sometimes go to the cinema with some of her friends though.
And when I'm not with her I play computer, draw or paint. I cant realy find time to hang with friends anyway, so why have them? I study, work and play in a band. The rest of the days I'm with my girlfriend. My family don't understand me though, they never have realy x] but care about that.

[Deleted]

I like to think of myself as someone with a limited capacity for other people's shit. It's a crude way of saying that I enjoy being myself and doing my own things. I don't need people around me all that often to interact with - it impedes my ability to do what I want when I want. In other words, I am a busy guy with a big need for personal space. Thankfully my girlfriend of 3 years understands this and has the same needs. I find it hard to maintain friendships because of all the underlying assumptions that come with it. Assumptions that usually mean that my time and energy is suddenly being spent on activities and people that I didn't want to interact with in the first place. It's bad enough that coworkers try to guilt trip me into showing up at events that I'm not interested in, I don't need people I've chosen to hang out with doing the same.

I can count the number of real friends I've had on one hand. Those were people I could be around day in, day out without incident. They were people that shared my interests and need for personal space and respected the fact that I have a plan of what I'm doing in the week in my head. I hate people that just assume I have nothing better to do than whatever they're planning. Advance notice required.

I don't drink either, because fuck you that's why. Not drinking makes it hard to find new people because in my age range (25-30) a lot of people seem to think that's the only social lubricant available. Fantasy gaming shops tend to have the people I like but the travel is a pita (1.5h+) and I'm quite happy making friends online instead. So, am I a loner? Not really, I maintain a lot of online acquaintances which is not a "substitute" since I don't miss whatever it's supposed to be substituting. I've got hobbies, a girlfriend, work and gaming. Between that, going out to dinner, cinema and weekend markets there isn't much I need in life.

It just depends on what you call a loner. If not going out drinking, clubbing or physically hanging out with people are the criteria for it - I guess I am. If the main criterion is whether I maintain social contact with people? I'm definitely not. I just much prefer contact that fits my schedule

EDIT: I don't remember the last time I was lonely either. I'm really good at entertaining myself since I maintain a strong portfolio of interests and hobbies.

[Aristeia]

I'm a loner, a rebel.

Ya I get along fine with others and enjoy going out with people, but I almost never suggest going out and doing something since I'd be just as content to be by myself. In fact I usually prefer to just be by myself instead at the end of the day.

[yetgdhfgh]

Ive always been a loner ever since i was a kid

I just prefer the company of myself nothing is more relaxing than being on my own without having to deal with other people

Im not anti-social just that i prefer to spend most of my free time on my own and theres nothing wrong with that

[Aqua]

Yes, people exhaust me.

When I have enough energy I enjoy company, but being myself is a recharging process I have to go through to get through the day.

I am not shy or antisocial really, I just like my alone time. But apparently that is being an antisocial douche to some people so... whatever, can't please the world.
I am how I am.

[Deleted]

I think it's not an entirely uncommon thing to be a 'loner' to a healthy degree. Seems a bit unfair that people would jump to the conclusion that the solitude isn't deliberately self-inflicted.

I've heard a bunch of people describe themselves somewhat similar to this but... I don't find it relatable at all. Personally, having nobody to do everything with is one of my greatest fears. I love people too much to prefer solitude in any conceivable scenario.

Fully agreed. I enjoy having some time for myself, but actually being alone all the time is something I fear a lot.

I have a very close circle of friends and family and I love to spend time with them a lot.

[Sal the Shieldhog]

I'm the same way. More than happy enough on my own, but I have no trouble talking to people or being social in general. In fact. I'd say 70% (that's a low estimate) of my time is spent alone.

To put it in perspective, I'm a 17 year old guy. I have generally A grades. I'm a varsity athlete (Cross-country, indoor/outdoor track; By no means solitary sports). I go out with friends all the time, I have a budding relationship with one of the most wonderful girls I've had the pleasure to meet, and I play WoW, read, draw, and run in my free time.

My friends have described me as that "loner" persona. Whenever I'm with people, I socialize, but usually I'm that quiet guy with the iPod in one ear (This is apparently what caught my girl's eye; Guess she thought it was "cute" /shrug). I don't have problems cracking jokes or talking, I just prefer to listen (Another problem being that I hate unnerving people when I speak; As my mother puts it "you're a 6'2" white twig, but you sound like a 6'7" black man," somewhat racist, but it's true).

All-around, I guess I'm what you'd generalize as a loner. I don't see myself that way, I just like to be quiet, listen to music, and chime in when it suits me.

EDIT: I guess it is worth mentioning that I don't really like most large gatherings; Especially with a lot of people I dislike, they generally irk me, and multiple of them gathered in one place does wonders for my bad mood (Sarcasm, for those who can't tell).

EDIT2: My friends/girl have told me my music generally helps people stereotype me as a "loner," it being of a different medium than the hip-hop/pop/rap enjoyed by the SWAG-fags (not a nice term, but then, these people are all mainstream hipsters). In my 500+ student school, I'd guess I'd be one of perhaps 20 people who listen to artists such as Of Mice and Men, Mayday Parade, We Came As Romans, etc,etc. That type of music isn't liked where I'm from =/

[Beavis]

Humans are social animals. Being a real loner is usually either a mark of current mental illness or profoundly unhealthy for long term mental health. Just putting that out there.

[Deleted]

I thought I was a huge loner, but after a year and a half of very limited social interaction I thought otherwise.

Humans are social animals. Being a real loner is usually either a mark of current mental illness or profoundly unhealthy for long term mental health. Just putting that out there.

Being an introvert however (OP as an example) is quite natural.

[Beavis]

I thought I was a huge loner, but after a year and a half of very limited social interaction I thought otherwise.



Being an introvert however (OP as an example) is quite natural.

Yep, it sure is. I've got a relatively small group of people I interact with as well, but I'd miserable without them.

[Deleted]

completely the same as the OP.
Found in that past that whilst it nice to have friends, they will ultimately either let you down, or take advantage of you. Being a "Loner" avoids this from happening completely. Sure I can socialize with people and I do have friends, however 99.9% of the time I have a preference to do things on my own. This way I do not need to consider what others may want.

For example, when I go to the Cinema or out shopping, I do not need to worry about leaving if I don't like the movie, or don't have to go into shops I have no interest in. I can walk at my own pace without rushing people, or slowing them down. If I need to talk to people or want to do a group activity then people are just a phone call away and things can be arranged, but on the whole I get my shit done solo.

[Kisho]

Haha, I thought you were describing me for a minute there OP!

Yeah, I do most stuff alone as well. Works just fine for me. I feel no need to spend time with other people, but I know that they're there if I want to. Sometimes I do want to be social, but mostly I can go without and carry on just fine.

One thing I find funny is if I go into a restaurant alone, sometimes the waitresses hang around and talk to me. It's weird; I appreciate the conversation, but I know they may be doing it out of pity. But I don't feel like I need to be pitied, haha. So I'm polite in return, talk about whatever.

It also gets silly at work; the people I sit with ask about my plans for the weekend, I usually say I've got nothing going on because I'm sitting in watching DVDs, or playing WoW, or whatever. Which they find odd, so sometimes invite me out with them. But I don't want to, because I dislike clubs and pubs. So hey.

Eh, the life of a misunderstood introvert I suppose.

[Gilian]

I thought I was a huge loner, but after a year and a half of very limited social interaction I thought otherwise.



Being an introvert however (OP as an example) is quite natural.

Same here. I don't have to be on the phone with my friends for hours but I don't think I can stand not having friends. I just mostly see them in the weekends.
And I would never go to the cinema alone but on the other hand I have no problems going to the gym alone and watch films at home alone. I can entertain myself.
Introvert I guess.

[Thelxi]

Kinda yes. I definitely need to spend a big chunk of my time on my own relaxing and collecting my thoughts, or I get increasingly irritated with people. The closer they are to me the more irritated I can get.