Obsessive gaming - How to handle it?

[Malkhor]

Sounds like now he's moved away he feels an opportunity to drop the whole "social" thing for a while. sounds like a phase.

[Mercadi]

Judging from personal experience, I'd say that he will be fine. Every habit has it's end. Eventually gamers burn out and lose interest (like all of my friendslist in WoW before I quit too). The worst thing is that he may regret best years spent sitting on his butt in front of the screen, but that'll teach him.

[Dedweight]

The amount of people in this thread thinking this is alright is frightening.

Agreed, it's one thing to game a lot and then there's this... What the OP described I'd say is some form of depression and some form of intervention is probably required. Sure it might be some phase and he just doesn't want to be social for a while but I'm sure the OP would want to know for sure that is the case and not something more serious.

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

It is clearly impacting his social health.

This is a laughable statement.

The amount of people in this thread thinking this is alright is frightening.

What's truly frightening is how many people think that they can be the judge of what other people do in their free time and whether it is acceptable. The only thing I think is truly wrong with this is that it may have affected his schooling. It's fine if he doesn't want to continue his education, but the way it was done isn't.

[vizzle]

This is a laughable statement.


What's truly frightening is how many people think that they can be the judge of what other people do in their free time and whether it is acceptable. The only thing I think is truly wrong with this is that it may have affected his schooling. It's fine if he doesn't want to continue his education, but the way it was done isn't.

He hasn't said anything to his gf in 3 weeks, he forgets family members' birthdays, he has a history of feeling useless and dropping out of commitments, and even his friends think there's a problem.

If all those things are true, it would be irresponsible not to think something is up.

[bionics]

He hasn't said anything to his gf in 3 weeks, he forgets family members' birthdays, he has a history of feeling useless and dropping out of commitments, and even his friends think there's a problem.

If all those things are true, it would be irresponsible not to think something is up.

Agreed. People are commenting blindly in defense of the MMO being his hobby, thinking that he's being dogged on or something, when that isn't the case.

"What he does in his own free time is his own business, yaddayadda."

No. Not talking to a gf in 3 weeks without any impetus (i.e breaking up) or forgetting family members' birthdays are reason enough for smacks upside the head.

[Deleted]

Have you considered the fact he may be spending so much time on his computer because he is filling the void of missing his GF and friends?

[Decagon]

I don't see the problem here, he's maintaining a job, and it doesn't seem to be more unhealthy than lots of other activities. I assume someone who plays that much has online friends, so it's not like he doesn't have a social life. It really sounds like it's not something you should be doing and more of what he should be doing or what his girlfriend should be doing to "help" him assuming he does need help (though in my opinion, he does not).

[Cowt]

As an introvert, being social in the physical world is very draining.

Perhaps his job has gotten more social-heavy as of late (you mentioned a possible promotion), and the only way for him to maintain it is to distance himself socially in his spare time.

Also, as a grown man with a job; he should reserve the right to make his own decisions.

[Lenonis]

This thread is quite interesting.

There is a limit to pretty much every activity out there where it goes from being ok to being bad. I'm sure everyone here has forgone social events or opportunities to do social things to get some gaming time in. This is a gaming website after all.

People defending the guy are overlooking a couple things -- the biggest being that there has been a change in behavior. He stopped talking to his girlfriend. He has stopped talking to his friends. He has stopped talking to his family. He has started forgetting birthdays. He stopped doing his share of the housework.

The lying is a big problem too. Will make it hard to believe anything he says.

These are all warning flags -- I'm inclined to agree with the people thinking depression is starting or something similar. (Anxiety, etc.)

Sure, he is sleeping and working and eating. For now. But he's shifting behavior away from communicating with friends and family. It's possible if he doesn't change his work might be next.

Just sit down and talk to him. Tell him people have been contacting you worried about him. Confront him about the lying and tell him you don't even know if he has a job or whatever. Be bold, be honest, but also be caring and supportive. See what happens.

I wouldn't go the full blown intervention route until you talk to him at least a couple of times.

[Skippy88]

Take him to a restaurant and have a talk with him. Find out what's going on. You can even let him know his friends and gf are worried about him.

Outside of gaming does he have any other interests that you can get him involved with? Sports? Movies?

I wouldn't go too overboard with it though. He is still going to work and he does have a gf. It's not like he's playing 24 hours 7 days a week.

[IdowhatIwant]

Just because gaming is his preferred thing to do in his free time (as opposed to getting high, drinking, going out, etc.). It doesnt mean he's addicted or doing anything wrong.

[Kirse]

This is simply a guess not having a lot of information to work with. It is quite possible that your brother is just tired from work and doesn't feel like going out as much. Our energy levels decline with age and work...well it's really hard sometimes.

The alternative that I will suggest is Depression and possibly Agorophobia. I'll give you a little background on myself to explain.
-6ys Univ Psych major
I suffer from Bipolar Disorder (it doesn't sound like your brother has that) and consequently go through long periods of depression (lasting for 3 months approx). During these times my symptoms related to your description are
1) lack of energy. I may sit or lie in bed for days on end and sleep too much. Regular activities drain me so much I spend my time trying to recover by resting
2) loss of interest in a variety of activities, tending to do nothing but play videogames
3) isolation from others. I'll loose touch with friends and family and feel considerable anxiety about seeing them. If we do meet I'm detached and clearly uncomfortable. I don't say as much as usual and I I'm unlikely to assert myself or offer any opinions of my own
4) irritability. When I get anxious (which often accompanies depression) I snap at people more often, have less patience for regular activities like bathing, cleaning, repetition, music, etc
5) Feelings of guilt/worthlessness. These get so severe that I cannot think over the self-criticisms. I get distracted easily, space out, and tend to talk about very dark subjects.

If I don't intervene and force myself to work through the depressions by continuing to go out, taking breaks from games, exercising and socialising I eventually shut down and become Agorophobic, only leaving the house if I absolutely must and having severe anxiety/panic attacks about leaving. I cannot stand social interraction. I slowly cut away all normal activities and rely on whatever causes me the least anxiety (gaming). Gaming is distracting enough to hide the negative thoughts, much moreso than tv (I find my mind wandering).

This is likely how many gaming addictions end up, but it can take years before one gets to this place.

What I do to combat this
1) Medication - your brother may need to take drugs for his depression, get him to see a doctor
2) Forced Socializing - friendships are important, but don't push too hard. One hang out a week is a good start
3) Going outside regularly - find any excuse, errands, a walk
4) Exercise - helps a ton

You should probably have a conversation with him discussing it all as a possibility, but make sure that you avoid anything that sounds judgemental or he'll shut down. Just express your concern, your love for him, and establish trust. It can be a great relief to find someone to be honest with.