1. #1

    A little life advice from an outside perspective

    I’ve been weighing my options lately; I recently moved across the country for a job. The job is great; however, the apartment that I picked up has turned out to be a disaster. The landlord regularly works on construction projects (with power tools, shop-vacs, etc.) right outside my bedroom wall. This goes on clear past 10pm sometimes 11pm at night. I wake up at 5am for work. He knows this. He knew this when I moved in. He tells me “text 15 minutes before you go to bed.” That never actually works, though. He gives me some line like I should feel guilty or grateful that he is there to begin with. It actually has gotten worse. I am now being awakened in the middle of the night by my new neighbors who have the room above me. There “adult relationship” involves a very screechy bed and some animal-like moans. Never had this with the previous people that lived there. I would talk to them about it, but that seems like an awkward reason to knock on someone’s door -- “hey, your adult relations are waking me up in the middle of the night, have you consider a less springy bed and possibly not groaning so loudly? I know it only lasts 3 minutes, but that’s a pretty noisy 3 minutes.”
    So -- I do have a clause that allows me to break lease for $250. It will suck, but it seems like I need to just do it since I get no comfort of “home” where I am now.

    I have been talking to a girl recently and who knows how this will end up (we have both stated that a relationship is a possibility). She has a 3 year old -- almost 4. So now I’m nervous to sign a new lease on a one bedroom apartment should things actually advance quickly and suddenly I need an extra room. Am I over thinking this here? I just don’t know. Also, I’m really not sure if I will just end up with another situation where I get to hear the mating calls of the wild nightly ... how do you actually know an apartment will be private from this.
    Should I just suck it up and deal with the grunts and groans, the power tools and the shop-vacs, and just concentrate on building a relationship with this girl? I feel so... confused!

    I know, my own problems. Just curious if outside perspective might aide my decisions.

  2. #2
    Titan smrund's Avatar
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    Where's this girl in having a place of her own? She must not be doing too poorly if she can support a kid and isn't living on the streets. DO NOT move in with her, either into her place, or her into your place without first being sure your relationship is solid.

    Look for another place, see if you can find a good deal on a 2 bedroom, if not, then what's the rush to move in together?
    Sometimes life gives you lemons, other times life gives you boobies. Life is always better with more boobies.
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  3. #3
    Hi Little Monster.
    If I were you I'd look for another place, alone.
    Do not rush things and do not let other people ruin your comfort.

  4. #4
    Honestly, if you can find a reasnobly priced place to live without these inconveniences, your quality of life will improve greatly and it will show, regardless of intended or not, in all your relationships. $250 is a minimal fee for the price of a more comfortable living.

    As for the relationship, there is no need to rush things and make sure that you share this information with her so she doesn't feel pressured to move in with you and start looking for 2-bedroom apartments etc. Take it slow, life's a marathon not a sprint.

  5. #5
    Don't jump into getting a new apartment with a woman you just started seeing.

    Especially one with a kid. You don't know if she's just looking for someone to help with the kid. Raising another man's child is a big responsibility, and requires thought before doing. You're essentially agreeing to take up another man's consequence from him having his fun.

    As for the noisy environs, get a solid stereo system if you don't already have one and play some metal an off hours when THEY want some quiet, when your landlord is not working on stuff, or when the noisy couple upstairs are sleeping after they're done.

    If either complains, let them know about how their inconsiderate behavior affects you as well.

  6. #6
    Yeah I think everyone pretty much has it right here. Look for another apartment. If anything just do a month to month lease (most of the apartments I have been in don't have a release from contract clause that is just $250). See were things go with your lady friend. If you do a month to month lease then if you decide you want to move in with her you have that option, or if you decide she will move in with you, you can either choose a different apartment or move up to a bigger apartment; in general if you are kind of in limbo month to month gives you a LOT more options.

    For reference my fiancee and I moved from a 1 bedroom to a 2 bedroom apartment a year ago and it was AWESOME having the extra space. If you can swing the increase cost I would highly recommend the 2Br apartment.

  7. #7
    Warchief Letmesleep's Avatar
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    Pretty solid advice given so far, I don't have much to add. I'll just echo the idea that $250 is not a lot to lose for decent sleep. If you're not feeling it yet, chronic sleep deprivation will take its toll on both your mind and your body eventually. I can't think of a price too high to get enough of it.

    In terms of the woman, ease up a bit. You don't need to go from nothing to raising her child. That's a huge responsibility and it will likely strain whatever budding relationship you have going on to jump into a father role while you're still deciding if you even love each other. On the child's part, he/she doesn't need men coming in and out of his/her mother's life. If you eventually decide that this is definitely something you both want, awesome, but make sure you're ready to handle the role. You can test the waters of a relationship without immediately deciding to live together. Take your time, and see if you can fall in love with both her AND her child. If you can't love the child, just forget it. I do not recommend moving in at this point, though that doesn't mean you can't have a serious relationship with her. Good luck!
    Last edited by Letmesleep; 2012-11-21 at 02:06 PM.

  8. #8
    Good advice. I will begin looking for a new apt. If i can find a reasonable 2br, I will do that. I will ease up on the 'relationship' thing. Rushing things at this point is probably not a good idea.

    Thanks! I say this as I listen to my landlord and his nephew scream at eachother while continuing their construction. I just need some peace.

    ---------- Post added 2012-11-21 at 09:08 PM ----------

    on an interesting sidenote... I just realized that he never actually had me sign a lease. Everything, including the $250 exit is verbal.

  9. #9
    Pandaren Monk Auloria's Avatar
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    You might look up "your state landlord tenant", because I'm pretty sure your landlord has breached the contract by making your home unlivable.

    If your lease is just about up, it's not worth the hassle of small claims court. Just move out when it's up.

    Things will not advance quickly with a woman with a 3 year old. She's going to vet you over a long period.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Little Monster View Post
    Good advice. I will begin looking for a new apt. If i can find a reasonable 2br, I will do that. I will ease up on the 'relationship' thing. Rushing things at this point is probably not a good idea.

    Thanks! I say this as I listen to my landlord and his nephew scream at eachother while continuing their construction. I just need some peace.

    ---------- Post added 2012-11-21 at 09:08 PM ----------

    on an interesting sidenote... I just realized that he never actually had me sign a lease. Everything, including the $250 exit is verbal.
    If you haven't sign anything you can just leave without telling him. You don't even have to pay your rent. Your landlord is lost.
    Just find an appartement and leave the same day.

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