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  1. #1

    Depressed after 20th birthday

    First, hi MMO-Champ! I've lurked here for a while, being a WoW and Diablo player and finally decided to register.

    Anyway, the problem is that I had my 20th birthday in September, as well as a lot of changes in my life and I've been feeling increasingly nostalgic, even depressed after that. I thought it would pass but it's actually getting worse. I don't even know what it is. Maybe it's that I dont want to accept being a grown up now or maybe it's because I took a year off college after the first year because I didn't like my specialty and I'm planning to reapply next year. It could even be because I renovated my room during summer from the money I made working and dug up a lot of old things, photos, mementos, childhood dolls or even because I lost touch with nearly all my high school friends. Oh and I forgot the most important part. My parents were in their late 30s/early 40s when they had me and my dad just had hes 60th birthday and they're starting to look kind of frail.

    This is starting to really bother me as I feel.. old at 20 and I don't know if that's normal. Has anyone gone through something like that?

  2. #2
    Scarab Lord UncleSilas's Avatar
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    It's normal. Wait till you get a job, you'll blink and find a year went by. Enjoy the early years of Uni, you'll regret it if you don't.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by UncleSilas View Post
    It's normal. Wait till you get a job, you'll blink and find a year went by. Enjoy the early years of Uni, you'll regret it if you don't.
    Fortunately I dont have to worry about getting a "real" job for at least 4 years. Still 2 years left in college and then 2 more for masters degree.

  4. #4
    Warchief Knight Gil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lizbeth View Post
    First, hi MMO-Champ! I've lurked here for a while, being a WoW and Diablo player and finally decided to register.

    Anyway, the problem is that I had my 20th birthday in September, as well as a lot of changes in my life and I've been feeling increasingly nostalgic, even depressed after that. I thought it would pass but it's actually getting worse. I don't even know what it is. Maybe it's that I dont want to accept being a grown up now or maybe it's because I took a year off college after the first year because I didn't like my specialty and I'm planning to reapply next year. It could even be because I renovated my room during summer from the money I made working and dug up a lot of old things, photos, mementos, childhood dolls or even because I lost touch with nearly all my high school friends. Oh and I forgot the most important part. My parents were in their late 30s/early 40s when they had me and my dad just had hes 60th birthday and they're starting to look kind of frail.

    This is starting to really bother me as I feel.. old at 20 and I don't know if that's normal. Has anyone gone through something like that?
    I know the feeling. My situation is similar, kind of. I think you're afraid of growing old, of your parents growing old, of time passing and etc. I think there's not much more to do than to just accept all of it as part of life. And having goals for the future. Doing things you really want to do, and never letting a good opportunity to have fun go by. Also, getting back in touch with old friends, those that were the closest to you, and making new ones, friends that you feel will stick around after college. That's how I face those issues and fears, at least

  5. #5
    Elemental Lord Snowraven's Avatar
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    Yes, I passed through this too. I went to university and now due to shitty situation in country I'm having problems finding a job.
    My mother was 40 when she made me, now she's 62 and the truth is, no matter how much I wish otherwise, even I can see she's starting to lose strengh and stamina. I don't have other close relatives.
    I had some friends in my younger days, but they all either struck gold or simply forgat about me. I still remember them from time to time.

    But now I have a great friend I met in university, better then all those other "friends" that left me for she's truly loyal and close to my heart.

    Still until I found her, I felt similar to what you feel. What you feel is nostalgia. You see things are starting to degrade and how you've lost friends and how better it was when your parents were younger and in good health and those friends were there. It's ok, it's an understandable feeling. Despite what you feel now, you will truly grow out of it. Just get new friends, better friends, friends who are loyal to you and to whom you are loyal. Just keep looking, and you'll find maybe someone to love and bond together and see how your relation grows. Just find a job and as the years pass you'll see how you advance in rank and pay.

    What you're feeling now is that moment when it's finally time to raise on your feet since you know parents can't take care of you anymore, now you need to start caring for them but it's a bit frightening and overwhelming since you don't know how you'll grow, what job will you find, where will you find the loyal friends and how, how will you know when you'll find the one and so on and you prefer to remember the good days when you didn't have to worry about any of these things.
    As, I said, nostalgia. Don't worry, your road is just beginning and even if now it's a bit overwhelming, with work you'll see how it might take you to unknown wonders.

  6. #6
    It gets better. It really, really does.
    You now stand before the Countess.
    A story of Firsts from around the world:
    http://thingsihaveneverdone.wordpress.com/

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Arnorei View Post
    Yes, I passed through this too. I went to university and now due to shitty situation in country I'm having problems finding a job.
    My mother was 40 when she made me, now she's 62 and the truth is, no matter how much I wish otherwise, even I can see she's starting to lose strengh and stamina. I don't have other close relatives.
    I had some friends in my younger days, but they all either struck gold or simply forgat about me. I still remember them from time to time.

    But now I have a great friend I met in university, better then all those other "friends" that left me for she's truly loyal and close to my heart.

    Still until I found her, I felt similar to what you feel. What you feel is nostalgia. You see things are starting to degrade and how you've lost friends and how better it was when your parents were younger and in good health and those friends were there. It's ok, it's an understandable feeling. Despite what you feel now, you will truly grow out of it. Just get new friends, better friends, friends who are loyal to you and to whom you are loyal. Just keep looking, and you'll find maybe someone to love and bond together and see how your relation grows. Just find a job and as the years pass you'll see how you advance in rank and pay.

    What you're feeling now is that moment when it's finally time to raise on your feet since you know parents can't take care of you anymore, now you need to start caring for them but it's a bit frightening and overwhelming since you don't know how you'll grow, what job will you find, where will you find the loyal friends and how, how will you know when you'll find the one and so on and you prefer to remember the good days when you didn't have to worry about any of these things.
    As, I said, nostalgia. Don't worry, your road is just beginning and even if now it's a bit overwhelming, with work you'll see how it might take you to unknown wonders.
    Yes, I feel exactly the same way about my parents. It's not even that they're looking old, my mom is 59 and dad 60 and they don't even have any gray hair.. or maybe they dye it, I haven't really asked. But they've really let themselves go and instead of the energetic and fun people they were, they're gaining weight, sit around all day, complain and wouldn't even want to follow the biggest family traditions we used to have if I didn't nearly force them into it. I've even had a few talks with mom about it but I can't really make her to eat less and do more. Besides, she complains that it's getting harder for her to walk long distances because of some osteoporosis.

    Anyway, thanks, I really do hope it gets better. Maybe taking a year off college was a mistake. High school graduation was more of a relief and the first year of college wasn't actually that bad, or wouldnt have been if it wasnt for all the math. /sigh, I should have gone to acting instead of IT.

  8. #8
    It gets worse. Im 30 now, most everyone I know has let themselves go, lives for drugs or hordes animals, and the one woman I liked I was an asshole to because I know she is better without me. You see the ruin you are and how you disappoint your family and how they would be better off if you died or just went away.

    Cant find things to make yourself happy, so you turn to old things that made you happy and find those are lacking too. I try and purge all childhood memories and reminders from my life.

    Wait until your thinking back and realize all the chances and progress you have pissed away, that is does not matter what you get you will not be fulfilled, you can work hard get a nice house and car and still not care for them. Then there is the moment when you realize that the only way you will ever have a decent woman again is if you pay her.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by drwelfare View Post
    It gets worse. Im 30 now, most everyone I know has let themselves go, lives for drugs or hordes animals, and the one woman I liked I was an asshole to because I know she is better without me. You see the ruin you are and how you disappoint your family and how they would be better off if you died or just went away.

    Cant find things to make yourself happy, so you turn to old things that made you happy and find those are lacking too. I try and purge all childhood memories and reminders from my life.

    Wait until your thinking back and realize all the chances and progress you have pissed away, that is does not matter what you get you will not be fulfilled, you can work hard get a nice house and car and still not care for them. Then there is the moment when you realize that the only way you will ever have a decent woman again is if you pay her.
    Has anyone ever told you that you should run and operate a suicide hotline? There are people who need your reassuring voice out there.

    OT: It will get better if you change something or when something changes, it will get worse if you let yourself stagnate and get drawn down thinking about what might have been. What you have now is all you will ever have, move forward and look upward.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Luciferiuz View Post
    Has anyone ever told you that you should run and operate a suicide hotline? There are people who need your reassuring voice out there.

    OT: It will get better if you change something or when something changes, it will get worse if you let yourself stagnate and get drawn down thinking about what might have been. What you have now is all you will ever have, move forward and look upward.
    Yea.. I wrote a long post in response to Arnorei but it said something about not being shown until a moderator gives approval. Guess it has something to do with my low post count.

    Like you pointed out, hes post didn't really help. The weird part is that I still look the same as I did when I was 16 and don't feel any different. I dont know what I was expecting.. that I'd look like an old woman and get hit with some wisdom of the old along the way at some point when I hit 18. It hasn't happened though and I'm already 20 In hindsight, I think taking that year off from college was a mistake. Sure I get to pick something more fitting for me and it gives me a little more room to breath and organize things as well as save up some money but it sure is more depressing than I thought it would be.

  11. #11
    Bloodsail Admiral
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    wait until you hit 30...then you have to start ticking the next box along on all those forms which ask your age.....
    No game will ever kill wow. Though Blizard themselves are making a pretty damm good attempt lately.

    THE FIRST RULE OF BRAWLERS GUILD IS YOU DO NOT GET INVITED TO BRAWLERS GUILD.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Bathory View Post
    It gets better. It really, really does.
    Or it doesn't.... but either way 20 is WAY too early to tell.

  13. #13
    Enjoy it, I got my degree, finally started looking forwards to a real job, only to have 50 applications out and here nothing, till money got tight and I had to get a job at Shop N Save for $1.50 over minimum wage. Now I'd give anything to have a real job.

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Lizbeth View Post
    Yea.. I wrote a long post in response to Arnorei but it said something about not being shown until a moderator gives approval. Guess it has something to do with my low post count.

    Like you pointed out, hes post didn't really help. The weird part is that I still look the same as I did when I was 16 and don't feel any different. I dont know what I was expecting.. that I'd look like an old woman and get hit with some wisdom of the old along the way at some point when I hit 18. It hasn't happened though and I'm already 20 In hindsight, I think taking that year off from college was a mistake. Sure I get to pick something more fitting for me and it gives me a little more room to breath and organize things as well as save up some money but it sure is more depressing than I thought it would be.
    You look 16 at 20? Post pictures!

    All joking aside, I'm 23 and went through exactly the same thing. I've basically only grown facial hair since highschool, otherwise look the same, lost contact with most of my highschool friends and didnt pick up many more through university.

    But once I settled into a career and stable relationship, moved out of home and focused on what makes me happy and what I personally enjoy - it's easier to decide who you want to spend time with and enjoy life on your own terms. It really is about moving forward and not standing still. Sometimes looking back can be helpful, but more often than not focusing on the future will be better.

    Try giving yourself something to work towards or look forward to, like a trip or vacation or expensive concert or something.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by tlacoatl View Post
    wait until you hit 30...then you have to start ticking the next box along on all those forms which ask your age.....
    Some actually have 15-25, 25-35 etc. as age groups so it's only 5 years for the next. The funny thing about it is that people in their 20s used to seem really old.. and in their 30s ancient but now people in 20s are starting to seem younger and it's easier to talk to them while 30+ seems old and 40+ like the granny/grandpa age.

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by tlacoatl View Post
    wait until you hit 30...then you have to start ticking the next box along on all those forms which ask your age.....
    Also those signs in stores if you were born before todays date 1994 you can buy tobacco, you look at it and remember what you were doing in 1994.

  17. #17
    I'm 40.

    Age 21: My metabolism started to slow down. I had to do cardio and watch what I ate.
    Age 28: My 20/20 eyesight failed. Needed glasses.
    Age 34: My body started to take longer to heal from wounds. I began to need an extra day to recover from straining my muscles. It took one extra day to recover from being sick.

    I hear your near vision goes around age 40. You need reading glasses to read fine print. Hasn't happened to me yet, but maybe in a matter of months it will.

    Would love to be 20 again haha.

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Bathory View Post
    It gets better. It really, really does.
    Everyone says this, but it doesn't get better. At least for me it hasn't.

  19. #19
    As soon as you're working you won't have time to feel sorry for yourself.

  20. #20
    The Patient Rupture91's Avatar
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    I'm in the same boat so to speak. I'm 21 and just got my first job because my mother can't take care of me forever. I'm very nostalgic about the past and kinda get depressed about it. I also too lost touch with most of my friends after highschool since i moved out of state twice. I think its just the feeling of being overwhelmed that we have to start becoming adults now. You'll get passed it, just keep fighting the fight and live your life since its the only one you will ever have.
    The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.

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