Depressed after 20th birthday

[Creamy Flames]

First, hi MMO-Champ! I've lurked here for a while, being a WoW and Diablo player and finally decided to register.

Anyway, the problem is that I had my 20th birthday in September, as well as a lot of changes in my life and I've been feeling increasingly nostalgic, even depressed after that. I thought it would pass but it's actually getting worse. I don't even know what it is. Maybe it's that I dont want to accept being a grown up now or maybe it's because I took a year off college after the first year because I didn't like my specialty and I'm planning to reapply next year. It could even be because I renovated my room during summer from the money I made working and dug up a lot of old things, photos, mementos, childhood dolls or even because I lost touch with nearly all my high school friends. Oh and I forgot the most important part. My parents were in their late 30s/early 40s when they had me and my dad just had hes 60th birthday and they're starting to look kind of frail.

This is starting to really bother me as I feel.. old at 20 and I don't know if that's normal. Has anyone gone through something like that?

You'v got your health, right? Shortly after my 21st birthday I went through cancer. I'm 26 now, unemployed and eating medication for depression and anxiety and Aspergers syndrome.
I hope perspective gives you some inspiration.

[LeahMaurer]

It doesn't get better! You should be the one to make it better, it's all in the mindset btw. Find a passion and live it!

[Archaeon]

Yeah I just turned 25 last week and I just feel like... "holy shit where did the years go?". Currently working a shitty office job and watching time pass by. If this is the "adulthood" that we've been preparing for since we were kids then I'd like a refund please. You spend your youth looking forward to growing up, getting your degree and a job and gaining independence, but it's all bullshit. What is there to look forward to now? Growing old? Fuck that.

[Gegan]

If you're depressed now, just wait till 30.

[Senjinone]

Jesus, you are silly.
Let's highlight certain words shall we?

"As i said, its easier to not take responsibilty and not do things to feel better.
If you had tried you would have know i was right and then you wold have to chnage how you see things.
Instead you decided to not do it so you can hold on to your world view, to bad you might had learned something."

Telling people your right, and telling them if they listen they will learn something is being dictatorial and egotistical to the extreme.

"Oh yes im telling people that they can feel diffrent if they want to!
i have never denied that at all! "

Yet, you said your not dictating nor telling people what to do?

But you are...

Your talking so much crap it's unreal, and it's actually slightly offensive to people having issues or problems to have some smug git come along, poor piss all over them metaphorically by spouting nonsense and drivel, telling them "It's all in your head".
Point in question, my sister in law's friend from school got crushed by a falling tree. He is 18 years of age. Please feel free to tell his parent's seeing their son broken, crushed, close to death and in a coma, that all the need to do to feel better is "Look in front of a mirror and smile". Sure you will get far.

Utter BS, all of it.

I have not said im not telling people what do do, i have said that is exatcly what i do.
i said i do not judge, and i dont.

So you rather tell them to feel crap for the rest of their lives?
Life sucks, it has always sucked and it will always suck.
You should be depressed and feel horrible for as long as you live and im sure that is what your son wants also.
He wants you so suffer and feel like you díe a little each day from now on!

Yea you go tell them that, im sure thats alot better.

No my friend, its not BS.
Its very easy, if you want to feel good you can.
You are perfectly free to feel anyway you want and thats your choice.
But do not try and say that everyone has to live by the rule that god/fate/luck/parents are in charge of how you feel.
There is so many people that have proven that the way you feel about life and anything that happens is totally and utterly up top you, and noone or nothing else.

[Annu]

You are looking at this far too pessimistic.

The years at university are far the best in live and you have them all in front of you. You don't need to earn for a living, but you don't need anyones allowance if you want to do something. So check out the next students party and go for it.

I work at a quite well known institute and believe me even at our place, on Friday our Students (who are intended to work on their Master-Thesis) all have a hang over from the Thursday-Parties. So if you don't have to worry about things like that, you should definitely change something and enjoy your time. Since there are no Teenie dramas in this age anymore, it's also much more fun.

[Raunchy]

You should meditate for about 45 minutes, you will not think, therefore not worry, about anything. You will just feel happy.

[Howlrunner]

I have not said im not telling people what do do, i have said that is exatcly what i do.
i said i do not judge, and i dont.

So you rather tell them to feel crap for the rest of their lives?
Life sucks, it has always sucked and it will always suck.
You should be depressed and feel horrible for as long as you live and im sure that is what your son wants also.
He wants you so suffer and feel like you díe a little each day from now on!

Yea you go tell them that, im sure thats alot better.

No my friend, its not BS.
Its very easy, if you want to feel good you can.
You are perfectly free to feel anyway you want and thats your choice.
But do not try and say that everyone has to live by the rule that god/fate/luck/parents are in charge of how you feel.
There is so many people that have proven that the way you feel about life and anything that happens is totally and utterly up top you, and noone or nothing else.

So much self-indulgent egotistical wannabe-guru nonsense I have read in a long time.
You *have* told people what to do, even telling them they are weak if they feel down and blame something, even though that is one of the classic seven stages. *Everyone* goes through the seven stages of grief when dealing with bad things. Everyone. Some take longer to get through than others, but we all do it, it's why it is so famous and used as a yardstick. You seem however to have this dumbass impression that simply because you got through it and now think positively that it's incredibly simple for everyone else to, and if they can't, somehow they are wallowing in their own self-pity or self-indulgence, when they aren't.

Its farcical, ridiculous, self-indulgent BS of the highest order, and some might consider it offensive. You retract stuff you say, flat out saying you haven't said it, and when faced with the proof you have, you just ignore it and pretend otherwise. You may not think you are, but you actually are doing exactly what I noted you are doing. You can prattle on to the contrary, but it doesn't alter the statements.

Here's a hint. Your NOT a guru, your NOT some kind of magic life coach who can give advice to people that is worthwhile and helps them, and your sure as hell not worth anymore time tbh. Your just some fool who thinks he knows things, and actually doesn't have the slightest of clues. If positive thinking solved everything, it would be used a wonder cure. Sadly it isn't, and its a band-aid. But go on dismissing others and their grief/emotions with your prattling about "smiling in the mirror", just makes you look like even more of an ass.

Not gonna bother with you anymore.

[Vellerix]

First, hi MMO-Champ! I've lurked here for a while, being a WoW and Diablo player and finally decided to register.

Anyway, the problem is that I had my 20th birthday in September, as well as a lot of changes in my life and I've been feeling increasingly nostalgic, even depressed after that. I thought it would pass but it's actually getting worse. I don't even know what it is. Maybe it's that I dont want to accept being a grown up now or maybe it's because I took a year off college after the first year because I didn't like my specialty and I'm planning to reapply next year. It could even be because I renovated my room during summer from the money I made working and dug up a lot of old things, photos, mementos, childhood dolls or even because I lost touch with nearly all my high school friends. Oh and I forgot the most important part. My parents were in their late 30s/early 40s when they had me and my dad just had hes 60th birthday and they're starting to look kind of frail.

This is starting to really bother me as I feel.. old at 20 and I don't know if that's normal. Has anyone gone through something like that?

It's normal, I'm 22 this coming friday, and I'm feeling like I'll never have another "special" birthday, you know, you have 16, 18 and 21, that you really look forward to, thats all behind me now. But don't let it drag you down too much, after all, you're still young!

[Senjinone]

So much self-indulgent egotistical wannabe-guru nonsense I have read in a long time.
You *have* told people what to do, even telling them they are weak if they feel down and blame something, even though that is one of the classic seven stages. *Everyone* goes through the seven stages of grief when dealing with bad things. Everyone. Some take longer to get through than others, but we all do it, it's why it is so famous and used as a yardstick. You seem however to have this dumbass impression that simply because you got through it and now think positively that it's incredibly simple for everyone else to, and if they can't, somehow they are wallowing in their own self-pity or self-indulgence, when they aren't.

Its farcical, ridiculous, self-indulgent BS of the highest order, and some might consider it offensive. You retract stuff you say, flat out saying you haven't said it, and when faced with the proof you have, you just ignore it and pretend otherwise. You may not think you are, but you actually are doing exactly what I noted you are doing. You can prattle on to the contrary, but it doesn't alter the statements.

Here's a hint. Your NOT a guru, your NOT some kind of magic life coach who can give advice to people that is worthwhile and helps them, and your sure as hell not worth anymore time tbh. Your just some fool who thinks he knows things, and actually doesn't have the slightest of clues. If positive thinking solved everything, it would be used a wonder cure. Sadly it isn't, and its a band-aid. But go on dismissing others and their grief/emotions with your prattling about "smiling in the mirror", just makes you look like even more of an ass.

Not gonna bother with you anymore.

So much anger, you really need to smile more
And whats with this "smiling in a mirror"?
Whats the point of that and where is that from?

Oh i know im not a Guru or some kind of magic life coach, what ever that is.
But i know for a fact that if you think positive you become positive, thats kind of logical

But hey if you rather live in a world where you must feel bad over stuff and blame god/fate/parents/the spagettimonster for how you feel i wont stop you!
i just hope you enjoy the life of a puppet with emotions and feelings controlled by others than yourself
That seems like a horrible way to life your life if you ask me.

Nice talking to you!

[IRunSoFarAway]

In my opinion, it has nothing to do with your birthday or how old you are, it sounds like you're just unhappy with the way things have gone and are going. You say you renovated your room with the money you had from working, I'm not sure how much money you had, but why wouldn't you save it for when/if you move out?

I've seen people who've had parents who were the same age you say your parents are, and the bad part about it is that they're 50-60 when you're in high school. Sorry to say so, but after seeing you mention their age, and you renovating your room, are you already thinking about staying home to take care of one of them should something happen to one of them?

I think you feel you're being forced to grow up faster, act older than you actually are, and take on responsibilities that you shouldn't have yet. If you find someone to just talk to about this, it'll be very helpful for you. I feel the same as I did when I was younger, and don't look any different than I did years ago, I feel the same way as you, not for the same reasons though, I feel older than I actually am, don't know why, but I do!

[Rastas]

I've also always felt a bit older than my years. I turned 25 a month ago, thereabouts, and I'm beginning to wonder if this is really it. As yours, my parents are pretty old. My dad will turn 66 just after Christmas, and mum will be 65 next year. I see the changes and one of the turning points in my life was when I realized my parents are very mortal, and that the end will come eventually, and that I won't necessarily be old myself then. You know, 'cause as a kid you think your parents will always be there.

I really can't remember now why I wanted to be a grown-up as a kid. I really can't understand how I could ever have been so silly.

But I guess it's better now than when I was 20. Then I thought there was very little I didn't know, and now I think the only thing I know is what I don't know. But I've always been partial towards having existential crises, I kinda like the cathartic feeling it gives. The key is just knowing when you've wallowed in self-pity enough.

[Kerath]

I think it's fairly normal to feel the way you're feeling when going through a big change in life. I've had phases myself when I've been fairly introspective, nostalgic about times gone by, feeling a bit down that things are changing. It's natural to experience fear of the unknown - you're going through a time of uncertainty and you're feeling some turmoil about it. It helped me to stop focusing on what's past, stop focusing on the fact things are changing and embracing the changes instead.
Letting go of childhood and learning to stand on your own two feet can be pretty scary. It's scary when you realise that your parents are not going to be around forever to support you (at least, if you're fortunate enough to have had decent parents), but there it is, it's something most people go through - barring misfortune, we're destined to outlive our parents.
Really, you've got a lot of good things going for you. Enjoy your studies, enjoy your time at university, enjoy new experiences.
A little more life experience and a little more maturity will probably help put things into perspective for you.
I don't mean that in a nasty way - most people are/were fairly selfish at your age, myself included.

[Zarintha]

Only reason I'm a bit miffed about being 21 and now being an adult is that I have to be responsible and can't do what I want, when I want. Just gotta man up and grow up at some point.

[Iso]

You'll be 25 in a blink of an eye..

Most people drift away from childhood friends anyways. That's just life, no point sitting around crying about it, just grow the fuck up, have a good life and die, trying to do anything else is a waste of time, the sooner you realise that the betters, you can't go back Do something you enjoy, work towards something, get a hobby, life is only about enjoying it while you live. Friends, girlfriends, maybe even jobs come and go.

Personally right now I'm right around the corner to be able to buy my own apartment, read -buy-, not rent. Really lookin forward too it, and I got so much retarded shit I want to do to my apartment ;D I have a bet involving sex in the celling for example..so I need to figure out how to pull that off too :l

[saltyharbls]

Thats exactly how easy it is.

But you if you think its harder then that, it will be harder then that.
All in your head.

Sounds like a spoiled brat who never faced any problems whatsoever growing up tbh.

[phenix]

Sounds like a spoiled brat who never faced any problems whatsoever growing up tbh.

Wtf all you people who think because you've had tough periods in your life that if has to be on your mind 24/7 and define you for the rest of your life.

Your a human with a brain. You should be able to process a situation and come to understand that sometimes in life you cant control everything and things don't always go your way. If you're sadly dealt a bad hand and have an illness (mental/physical) you should eventually come to understand that concentrating on the positive things in your life will make you happier. Thinking about the bad stuff wont make it go away. You shouldn't ignore it but you shouldn't let it control your outlook on everyone or everything.

[Reeve]

You're 20. That's still kind of a kid, in my opinion. Either way, let me just say that you shouldn't be nostalgic. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and you haven't even really begun to have amazing experiences yet. Since the age of 20, I've graduated college, moved cities, traveled around the world, learned new languages, made new friends, and I haven't even gotten to the settling down with a family part. Enjoy the ride and learn that there are good and bad things about every point in your life. The world didn't end after high school.

[Senjinone]

Wtf all you people who think because you've had tough periods in your life that if has to be on your mind 24/7 and define you for the rest of your life.

Your a human with a brain. You should be able to process a situation and come to understand that sometimes in life you cant control everything and things don't always go your way. If you're sadly dealt a bad hand and have an illness (mental/physical) you should eventually come to understand that concentrating on the positive things in your life will make you happier. Thinking about the bad stuff wont make it go away. You shouldn't ignore it but you shouldn't let it control your outlook on everyone or everything.

Finaly someone that understand how things work.

---------- Post added 2012-11-26 at 08:25 PM ----------

Sounds like a spoiled brat who never faced any problems whatsoever growing up tbh.

If you refer to me you have not read all my posts. If you did you would not say this

[Kornath]

As a lot of people have said (Not that I read every single post, mind you), perspective.

I turned twenty two here three days ago so what do I have to look forward to? A lot of things!

This one strip club only let people in who are twenty five, so three more years to go!

And I still need to finish my education, maybe get another one, I still need to visit Japan/China/Russia etc.

Set yourself some goals in life.