I noticed a primate sitting in front of a glowing rectangle. It pounded its opposably-thumbed fists against a flat plastic object with multiple individual elevated and indented sections marked with runic characters.
Examining the product of its effort, the primate seemed to be attempting to impress other primates in front of similar rectangles via a juvenile and insipid story. Our researchers are currently awaiting the results of a blood sample which we assume will reveal high levels of psychotoxic chemicals. If we do not produce such results, our only remaining hypothesis is that subject primate has suffered severe cerebral damage at some point prior to encountering our research team.