OP you sound like me, except the other way around.
My GF hasn't started a uni / hbo yet this year.. she's sitting at home on her ass all day while i'm doing med school.
Needless to say, when i get home I just want to relax for a bit, play some games, watch a movie, lift some weights or do some sports - you name it.
She keeps snapping onto me, saying that she wants to see me at 7 am in the morning or some such on the only days I get some quality rest and sleep.
I've tried explaining her in various ways that i'm just not up for all kinds of going out or being active after having a very busy week. Saturday afternoon - sure. but saturday morning at 7AM no thank you...
The constant conflicts over time management and seeing each other is getting me real fed up with the relationship. She hasn't a care in the world and still she'll make issues over the most minor of things.
I don't know you personally OP, but perhaps your life is less busy than hers? maybe you are oblivious to all the crap she goes through, and you might be the one that she takes it out on? maybe she just wants some rest and personal time, to get her stuff together?
Having a break/pause is bullshit. It means that the other partner wants to explore other options (read: try other persons)
I know this from personal experience being both the one initiating the break and the one having my partner initiating it.
I also have a bunch of friends who share the same experience/opinion.
Either you stick with each other or you break up. Easy!
She's probably bored of you possibly even cheating, just take the pause either way.
So....what does quoting a dead guy say about you?
If she wants a break/pause, grant her one.
Feeling like you're stuck and can't have a break in a relationship is very suffocating. Just be ready for any kind of response when her break is over. If she truly loves you, you'll get back together.
Though you should have a nice talk with her first about pretty much everything and why she needs a break, and then grant her the break.
Get out now man. Run, you're being used.
I sat alone in the dark one night, tuning in by remote.
I found a preacher who spoke of the light, but there was Brimstone in his throat.
He'd show me the way, according to him, in return for my personal check.
I flipped my channel back to CNN and lit another cigarette.
If she thinks about a pause, the meal is already eaten.
Do not bother with such shit, tell her she can do whatever she want's, you don't care.
Having 4 people telling me she's cheating in a row, I still find it hard to believe.
She's not that kind of girl, she feels incredibly guilty even dreaming of it and she tells me everytime.
She tells me she wants go on, just wants some space to sort things out with school and stuff.
Isn't part of the relationship trusting eachother? I trust her that she's being honest.
Try to find out what you can do to make her feel comfortable instead of agitated and annoyed. If it is something that has to do with you, change it! If you're not willing to change/give things up, you might just as well break up. Try to help her with her feelings where you can without giving her the feeling you're being pushy, give her space (don't actually call something a pause/temp. break), let her figure out her feelings for you on her own. But when you do see her, make sure you make a good impression (it's like a first date again)
But to be honest, 18-20 is quite young and there is plenty of life experience out there. Don't worry too much about it if things go wrong! Just be ready
Anyway, best of luck! Hope things will work out
Edit: The other thing is, draw a line for yourself. What you think is acceptable and what isn't. Be ready to make a desicion yourself as well, even if she can't!
Just, try not to pressure her or suffocate to much when doing this, considering she wants a break, if possible.
But if she's being honest, which I think she is, it's not really between us, it's just that she wants to get everything on track, she doesn't want her life to go bad because of our relationship, that's why she wants that space.
I'm trying to talk her into giving eachother space, without calling it a break, and we've already discussed what we're doing wrong and we're improving on that.
It's just that she has like a fuckton of stress, pardon my words.
I'm a girl. If you cares about this relationship, fight for it. Girls like it.
If you are okay with having break, then do it, but make sure you are both clear on what having a break means.
I had similar situation with my gf last spring, we had been studying and living in different cities for 7 months and seeing each other only maybe on every second weekend. She was having a crisis about our relationship and wanted to have time to think about everything. I told her she could have time to think about things, but I also made it explicitly clear, that I would not continue our relationship if she saw anyone else during that time. It was easily the worst damn week of my life, but in the end everything worked out good for both of us. We're now living together and in a relationship for 4+ years.
Forgot to add: What ever you do, be firm in your decision. Girls like it when guy show confidence. Don't throw yourself completely at her mercy.
I hope it will work out well for you two!
Last edited by Gabriel; 2012-12-03 at 02:00 PM.
The vast majority of the time, a "pause" is someone that wants out and doesn't have the guts to say so.