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  1. #61
    Dreadlord
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    Quote Originally Posted by theWocky View Post
    Walk away - if she wants a pause from you, she doesn't want to be with you. It's not fair of her to expect you to wait. It's damn selfish. Be a man and tell her to go to hell.

    What does she expect, put your life on hold? Not date anyone, see anyone?

    "Pause" means... "I found something better that I want to try out, but if it doesn't work out, I want you to be there - till the next pause"

    You hang around and you just waste time - time you could be spending with someone who actually gives a damn about you.

    All the people who are saying "give her time" are wrong.

    Let me tell you something...
    You can make more money, you can, if you have a lot of money gain power and even gain a lot more sex, but time... once it is lost, it is gone. Don't EVER let anyone waste your time.

    Make the break. Deal with the pain. Move on. Find someone else. You are weak and setting yourself up for abuse with any other attitude.

    Don't love people that make you an "option".
    I'd rather give her a chance and have a little bit of time with her than a lot of time without her.

    I think we all overexaggerated the 'pause' thing... she just wants some space to get things done, she doesn't want to argue all the time, so we're just cutting down on the communicating for a bit, and in the weekends, we'll do whatever we like.

    But, we'll know for sure in 15 minutes, I'll be done with work and call her.

  2. #62
    I was in a 5 year relationship with a girl where 4.9 of those were more or less stable and all around great times. Then she changed jobs and started interacting with people that made her want to rebel against pretty much everything. Similar to your situation she came to me and proposed that we take a break for a while and see other people. I was pretty against this idea, call me selfish or whatever, but I knew that the break would be permanent. Fast forward to a few months later and we were broken up anyway. Immediately upon breaking up she rebounded with several guys which was pretty painful to see but overtime I got over it and am now in a happy relationship with someone else.

    Moral of the story is take the break, you will be thankful you did believe me. If in the end you come back together I think you will be all the better because of it. If however things don't work out and the break turns into a break up then you will have prevented you, or your S.O, from taking drastic measures that would cause the break up anyway(ie. cheating/lying)

    I wish you guys the best of luck

  3. #63
    Warchief theWocky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Insarius View Post
    I'd rather give her a chance and have a little bit of time with her than a lot of time without her.

    I think we all overexaggerated the 'pause' thing... she just wants some space to get things done, she doesn't want to argue all the time, so we're just cutting down on the communicating for a bit, and in the weekends, we'll do whatever we like.

    But, we'll know for sure in 15 minutes, I'll be done with work and call her.
    With all due respect, after dating many women and a lot of experience in the dating scene, you're just being a victim and display all the signs of a guy who doesn't respect himself. It's weak. Women appreciate strong men who don't pamper them like a school-boy and apologize for them.

    A woman will trample all over you. Ah, well... live and learn. Remember my advice - when she dumps you eventually, let these words pop into your head: "told you so."

    Sorry if my words sting, but believe it or not, I am just really trying to look out for you.

    You are going to lose her. It's just a matter of how long, painful you are going to make it on yourself. Women that "need space" or a "pause" are just trying to let you down easily or screw with your emotions.

    Take a pause and MOVE ON... break all contact with her. Be friendly, but not friends. See other people. It's over, man.
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  4. #64
    Gotta say, I'd find it concerning she doesn't want to lean on you for support & instead wants to deal with her issues alone. Not saying that you have to be the end all be all of everything for each other or that you have to be together 24/7, but in a healthy relationship you make each other stronger & you depend on each other for important matters of the heart good & bad. That's what being a team is all about. A good romantic relationship imo is also a friendship. If this is her reaction to you while dealing with a rough patch in her personal life, I don't see the relationship lasting long term. What happens when much worse stuff than whatever she's dealing with now happens?

    Typically, if someone wants to be with you then they'll be with you. This really just sounds like she's just not happy anymore, but doesn't know how to break it off or is scared to break it off since she's been with you for such a substantial portion of her young life so far & change is hard for many people.

    Now I could be wrong & she could really want to work it out, but if she wants a break you can't really say no... she'll take one whether you like it or not, & if necessary she'll do it in the form of a break up if she feels strongly enough about it & you aren't agreeing. Most likely this relationship won't make it through the long haul, so just be prepared for that. But who knows, maybe you'll both grow & find each other again someday.
    Last edited by Gupkyn; 2012-12-03 at 03:38 PM.

  5. #65
    The Patient Tumadre80's Avatar
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    A girl asking for a pause is just her asking for time away from you so it's easier to fall out of love with you, at least imo...

    Anyways, my girlfriend and I have been together 8 months and we're having some problems, we argue a lot more than we normally do but she is a senior in high school that doesn't play sports or anything so she has a lot of free time besides dance classes like twice a week and I'm a freshman in college going to school from 8am-6pm five days a week and she expects me to come home, hang out with her right away and on the weekends wake up at 8am to hang with her til night. Like, I need to rest, I need some space, you know? I understand hanging on the weekends but I have homework n shit and those that one weekend day I love resting a little extra. I work on sundays also at 7:30am so sunday is already shot for me... :/ not much time for gaming anymore. :/

    Back in my day, we killed bosses 400 times a day...uphill both ways...in the snow...and we fucking liked it. In related news, I hear that uninstalling WoW completely from your hard drive and then reinstalling it resets your RNG numbers. -septor

  6. #66
    I guess my two thoughts are:

    1. What is stressing her out? You mentioned school and that's normal but is there anything else stressing her out?

    2. You keep mentioning you two get into arguments and you mentioned your part of it. Nowhere did you mention how you were going to fix that? When she snaps at her for instance instead of snapping back maybe make a joke or reassuring her everything will be alright instead of snapping back.

    I would look at limited contact until school is over (aka the stress is gone) and go from there.

  7. #67
    There's no need to put a relationship on pause just because she's stressed out. The whole idea of a relationship is working through the bad shit so that you can get back to the great times. If she just wants to just temporarily abort the relationship because she's stressed out, then I think you need to know if she really wants to be in that relationship at all. You're either in a relationship or you aren't. Pauses, to me, are just postponing the inevitable break up in an attempt to make it easier. You need to have a serious talk with her about it, and if she wants to make it work you guys just need to push through it. If she doesn't want to, well... then I suppose that's that.

  8. #68
    Quote Originally Posted by Insarius View Post
    So guys...
    I've been in a relationship for 2 and a half years with the love of my life, but she's been having a rough patch lately.
    She has a lot of stress and because of that, we argue quite a lot lately.
    I've been agitated very quickly in the relationship earlier aswell, so now I know how much this hurts for the other.
    She's thinking of getting a 'pause' on the relationship, but I am not quite willing to abide.
    Actual pauses on relationships turn out bad 99% of the time, as far as I know.

    So... What would you do?
    a) Anything you can to make her change her train of thought and accept all the help she can get from me
    b) let is all just go
    c) actually accept the pause

    Regards,
    Jim
    Do you mind if I ask how old are you?

  9. #69
    Quote Originally Posted by Djalil View Post
    Do you mind if I ask how old are you?
    He said earlier he is 20 and his gf is 18.

  10. #70
    whats the verdict? im bored at school and just read this whole thread and am now actually interested.

  11. #71
    Brewmaster Vayshan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wynnyelle View Post
    There's no need to put a relationship on pause just because she's stressed out. The whole idea of a relationship is working through the bad shit so that you can get back to the great times. If she just wants to just temporarily abort the relationship because she's stressed out, then I think you need to know if she really wants to be in that relationship at all. You're either in a relationship or you aren't. Pauses, to me, are just postponing the inevitable break up in an attempt to make it easier. You need to have a serious talk with her about it, and if she wants to make it work you guys just need to push through it. If she doesn't want to, well... then I suppose that's that.
    I think this sums it up the best. The whole school thing is just bs imo. You'll always be in school (with the stress!) or at work (with the stress!). There will always be stress.

  12. #72
    I'm abit older and have some experience with the ladies. When you are young like you are, it seems like the end of the world the thought of splitting with her. Believe me, I know where you've been at. An earlier poster was right though, just give her space and all in all act like the dominant man. If she says she wants a break, don't beg her... women like a strong man and if her mind is set on a break it's inevitable. What you can do is treat her like a queen for the next week or so and just be a ton of fun to be around instead of being another thing she has to stress about. You are both very young though and whatever happens, it isn't the end of the world. Don't beat yourself up too much if she wants a break, just enjoy your time with her and make her enjoy it too. Chances are, if you are fun for her to be around and don't add to her problems and make her feel good... she will come back. Sometimes, especially at the ages you two are at, it is better to be single to really get in touch with yourself. I know my life would have been alot more miserable had I married the girls I was in long relationships with around your age. best of luck man, seriously.

  13. #73
    Better to learn it now than later. People can be a good fit, but not good enough. Tell her if she wants to walk fine, but no coming back and you won't be strung along for the duration. Besides us old folk will tell you we maybe know one couple that is hitched that met in high school. If it's honest problems try and work them out, on the other hand, she may just be agitated with you and want you to go and is trying to drive you off because she is incapable of being direct. In a nutshell, be fair to her, but be fair with yourself. Mend the relationship if possible, otherwise kill it dead.

  14. #74
    This is entirely anecdotal, but every "pause" I've seen in friends/my own relationships has been so the other person can "play the field" a bit.

    Usually is the spawn of not being really happy with a relationship, and wondering if s/he can find someone better.

    I gotta say, it's a really dick move, though, to ask for a "pause," but really mean you want to go see if there's anything better, and if not, come back to what you had.

    But then, I guess I'm a little resentful, because that happened to me once. I'd seen it happen before, but didn't want to believe it'd happen to me. Sure enough, when said girlfriend wanted to "resume" our relationship, I ended up finding out it was because she had "shopped around" a bit, and didn't find anything else better.

    Needless to say, that relationship didn't last much longer. I wasn't about to stick around with someone who was going to treat the relationship as disposable in that regard. I'm not going to be someone's "plan B."

    [E] Reading through the rest of the thread, I have to wonder why you came to this forum to ask for opinions. You have her on a pedestal of perfection, and you're instantly ignoring/naysaying any suggestion that she might not be being faithful. You refuse to even consider that option, even if it very well may be the case.

    Perhaps she feels guilty dreaming of cheating on you because she already has?

    You have your mind made up, it seems. You're only accepting advice if it's saying exactly what you want it to say, and rejecting all others.

    You don't want advice, you want validation.
    Last edited by Torq; 2012-12-03 at 11:39 PM.

  15. #75
    Ask if she's on her period. Women love that.

  16. #76
    when anyone asks you to "take a break" from a relationship, they've already got someone they want to bang in mind, but they want the stability that you offer. it's the relationship equivalent to FriendZoning.

    if you're ok with her basically saying "here, wait for me while i go fuck this dude" then go for the break. otherwise get out of the relationship, because the next step is ultimatums, and if it comes to ultimatums, you've already lost.

  17. #77
    Quote Originally Posted by Torq View Post
    Reading through the rest of the thread, I have to wonder why you came to this forum to ask for opinions. You have her on a pedestal of perfection, and you're instantly ignoring/naysaying any suggestion that she might not be being faithful. You refuse to even consider that option, even if it very well may be the case.
    Maybe he is saying she won't cheat because she won't? Not everyone cheats. I know my husband never would, he is just not that type of person. I have been with 1 person my entire life, we met and start dating when I was 14 turning 15. I have never cheated and I never would.

  18. #78
    Quote Originally Posted by Seirith View Post
    Maybe he is saying she won't cheat because she won't? Not everyone cheats. I know my husband never would, he is just not that type of person. I have been with 1 person my entire life, we met and start dating when I was 14 turning 15. I have never cheated and I never would.
    I thought that about two of my girlfriends... One actually told me after she cheated on me, the other never did, and always pushed that same line ("I would never/never did cheat on you!")... Except I found out from her best friend that she actually did cheat on me.

    I know I'd never cheat; but that's about as far as "knowing" whether or not someone will can go.

    Yeah, it's a matter of trust. I trust my current girlfriend not to cheat on me. I also don't think she ever would, nor do I let past occurrences of having been cheated on color my perception of whether or not I think she would (though honestly, if I found out she'd cheated on a previous boyfriend, that might change my perception somewhat). However, it is also true that you can never really know another person; whether or not they will/have cheated on you is part of that.

    However, when his girlfriend is unhappy with the relationship, and wants a "break," those tend to be warning signals that one should never overlook.

  19. #79
    Assuming she doesn't just want to "play the field" as some other commenters have suggested it seems she does feel that she can deal better with stress/exhaustion when alone (in other words: she feels that you are contributing to her stress at the moment but doesn't want to or is undecided about breaking up over it).

    The desire to "take a break" in such a situation is completely understandable and imho no reason for any rash decisions but it should make you think about the long-term viability of your relationship - taking a break may very well work now and your relationship may return to normal once both of you are a bit more rested but it won't be an option forever.
    Eventually you'll move together, marry, have children, ... and taking a break from each other simply won't be possible.
    Either the both of you learn how to get through rough times together (which is imo not about living in perfect harmony but about tolerating the other person's nerve-wracking behavior without having to argue about it) or the relationship won't work long-term.

    Maybe something to think about during the break (you can't prevent her from taking it, might as well embrace it instead of ending your relationship rashly - there'll still be more than enough opportunities to break up in the future, no hurry to do it now).

  20. #80
    Time to move on.

    Any kind of break usually means the other person is interested in someone else...

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