Problems with my girlfriend

[Reclaimer]

So guys...
I've been in a relationship for 2 and a half years with the love of my life, but she's been having a rough patch lately.
She has a lot of stress and because of that, we argue quite a lot lately.
I've been agitated very quickly in the relationship earlier aswell, so now I know how much this hurts for the other.
She's thinking of getting a 'pause' on the relationship, but I am not quite willing to abide.
Actual pauses on relationships turn out bad 99% of the time, as far as I know.

So... What would you do?
a) Anything you can to make her change her train of thought and accept all the help she can get from me
b) let is all just go
c) actually accept the pause

Regards,
Jim

I see this as good news. I say take the pause. This means if she does run off with some other dude - Your set free! You money your time and freedom is all to yourself again! Single is just the way to go. Well....Unless you enjoy disappointment and stress. Most of the best relationships happen at 40+ IME.

[Xaith]

I've had similar problems with my girlfriend.
She's studying to become a teacher (as am I) and is nearing her final exams, plus she has two dogs.
For the first 6, 7 months we saw each other almost every day, despite me working as a male nurse (english lacks a better term) and working horrible shifts
at the hospital for 12 days in a row and only having 2 or 3 days off in between two work "weeks", if at all. So I had to work every other weekend.
Afterwards, I started studying and even though I have much homework now, I have much more free time at my disposal, so I thought it only logical that
we'd see each other at least as often as we did before.
But in fact, we only spend the days together at weekends, and eat lunch together every thursday and wednesday.
It was hard for me to understand why, I even thought she was tired of me.
She said she was overwhelmed with all the studying for exams and homework and household and what-not, and she knew that if I was there, too, she'd be
distracted and rather spend some sweet time with me.
Oh boy, was I irritated. I argued that I, too had studying to do and that there would be no problem to just study side by side, and when we're done, do whatever we want. She felt that I forced my way into her study time. And I thought, how do you plan to "bear" my presence everyday, for the rest of your life, should we move in together, marry, have children, if you can't manage to let me be with you now?

But it's more complicated than that.
Some girls just need their space for studying. If your girlfriend is in any way similar to mine, give her some space.
That doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want to be with you.
Don't put your relationship on a halt, or pause it. Just let her do her things. Offer your help wherever you can and if she doesn't accept it, that's fine.
She'll keep in mind you were there for her.
There will be better times.

But if it's a real pause, you two virtually breaking up for an undefined time to see how it works out, skrew that. It rarely ever works.

Oh and, I don't want to sound patronizing or anything here, but you both are still very young.
Don't take this offensive, but saying she's the love of your life at this early age, doesn't mean that much.
Of course, she could be the one, you could get married someday and live happily for until death you part.
Do you know her point of view on this "love of your life" thing? Is it as serious for her as it is for you?

(As an aside: I love my girlfriend more than anything and I know some people here see their partners not nearly as often as I see mine, but all things are subjective so please don't be upset if you found my words offensive )

[Insarius]

whats the verdict? im bored at school and just read this whole thread and am now actually interested.

The verdict [lol] is that we're going to see if we can go on without fighting, if we succeed, no 'pause', if we don't, she wants to get everything balanced out.
Thing is, people in the thread assumed this break was for us to see other people etc..
But I said several times it's a 'pause', simply meaning we won't see eachother in the weekend, still have contact, simply not hanging out for a bit, so she doesn't have to worry about me, getting into fights with me etc.

It's just that she can't handle us fighting, stress at school, her student dorm being broken into, laptop stolen, burglar's blood everywhere because the junkie kicked in like 7 doors, her sister going to Austria so she misses her a lot.

She has a lot on her mind at the moment, and if we fight when I should support her, I understand why she wants a break.
So I'll be doing my best not to fight with her, as said earlier in this thread, I need to stay calm, let her rant, because that's what she'll do mostly untill she's relaxed again.

---------- Post added 2012-12-04 at 08:30 AM ----------

And I thought, how do you plan to "bear" my presence everyday, for the rest of your life, should we move in together, marry, have children, if you can't manage to let me be with you now?

But it's more complicated than that.
Some girls just need their space for studying. If your girlfriend is in any way similar to mine, give her some space.
That doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want to be with you.
Don't put your relationship on a halt, or pause it. Just let her do her things. Offer your help wherever you can and if she doesn't accept it, that's fine.
She'll keep in mind you were there for her.
There will be better times.

That pretty much sums up the situation in my eyes. :P
Thanks for elaborating so much, it really helps me get through this.
I never thought I'd find solace on MMO-Champ forums!

---------- Post added 2012-12-04 at 08:32 AM ----------

it seems she does feel that she can deal better with stress/exhaustion when alone (in other words: she feels that you are contributing to her stress at the moment but doesn't want to or is undecided about breaking up over it).

She tells me that's exacty what she means by it, and knowing her, that's about right.
She wants to do everything alone, she hates relying on someone, because she's been let down in the past a lot.

[jotabe]

if she wants a pause, probably you are getting into routines witch is not that good to :P

I disagree. Precisely that's what makes a good relationship, a relationship that makes you look forward to the routines together.
Otherwise, if you need excitement and novelty all the time, it's not the person you like, but the excitement and novelty. You wouldn't even need to like the person, if you have excitement and novelty every day.

[Palmatum]

Either discuss your problems with her instead of an internet forum or walk away.

[Insarius]

Either discuss your problems with her instead of an internet forum or walk away.

Mhm, because I'm totally not telling her anything of the sorts.

A forum is a place to talk, ask questions and whatnot, which I think, am utilizing to it's potential?
If you don't have a constructive post just don't post mate.

[Itisamuh]

Hard to answer without you specifying what her problem is and why she's wanting a pause. But generally I'd say, if she's wanting a pause in the relationship, you might as well break up, because if you don't she probably will. With the exception of someone having to leave the area temporarily or something like that, I've never known a case where a break in a relationship was a good thing. Bottom line is, if she wants a break, she's not into it. If someone simply needs a bit of alone time, they can just spend the day alone. That doesn't require asking to put a relationship on hold.

Edit: saw your post above detailing the problem. That doesn't sound bad. She just needs to recollect, and doesn't want to argue.

[Insarius]

Hard to answer without you specifying what her problem is and why she's wanting a pause. But generally I'd say, if she's wanting a pause in the relationship, you might as well break up, because if you don't she probably will. With the exception of someone having to leave the area temporarily or something like that, I've never known a case where a break in a relationship was a good thing. Bottom line is, if she wants a break, she's not into it. If someone simply needs a bit of alone time, they can just spend the day alone. That doesn't require asking to put a relationship on hold.

Edit: saw your post above detailing the problem. That doesn't sound bad. She just needs to recollect, and doesn't want to argue.

So you're [also] saying it's not as bad as I feared, just give her the space she wants?

[Arganis]

A) but don't insist too much. If somebody doesn't love you and doesn't care there's nothing you can ever do to change that. In that case it would be best to just move on as fast as possible but that's always easier said then done.

You could also try d) Murder or e) Murder suicide...

[Itisamuh]

So you're [also] saying it's not as bad as I feared, just give her the space she wants?

If you aren't missing anything, and those things you listed really are the problem, then that's not anything on a personal level. When a girl is stressed, it's pretty common that they'll want to want to talk about it to someone (even if it's just for them to listen, not expecting them to do anything about it.) As much as it seems like girls like to argue, trust me, they don't when they're already stressed about other things. I'd say continue being around her but making a point not to cause conflict. Space though, in my experience, is doom.

[Arganis]

If she thinks about a pause, the meal is already eaten.

Basically this. 90% of the time when a girl needs a "break" or "pause" it's just her cowardly, non-confrontational way of dumping you.

---------- Post added 2012-12-04 at 09:35 AM ----------

Most of the best relationships happen at 40+ IME.

That's rly sad on so many levels. Oh and also eww, most 40 yr old woman make me wanna be celibate.

[Insarius]

If you aren't missing anything, and those things you listed really are the problem, then that's not anything on a personal level. When a girl is stressed, it's pretty common that they'll want to want to talk about it to someone (even if it's just for them to listen, not expecting them to do anything about it.) As much as it seems like girls like to argue, trust me, they don't when they're already stressed about other things. I'd say continue being around her but making a point not to cause conflict. Space though, in my experience, is doom.

Alright, well, she told me she wants to stay together, if only we could stop argueing, because well, she has a lot of stress and argueing with me isn't helping.
I'll do my darn best not to be the stubborn dumbass I was for the last couple of months. :P

[Itisamuh]

Alright, well, she told me she wants to stay together, if only we could stop argueing, because well, she has a lot of stress and argueing with me isn't helping.
I'll do my darn best not to be the stubborn dumbass I was for the last couple of months. :P

And there you have it. Good luck.

[kassy]

So... What would you do?

guess it's time for you to use your left hand if right is being a bitch

[Insarius]

And there you have it. Good luck.

Thank you.

[Donnie]

Don't worry OP, I got some one liners that are sure to help you clean this whole mess up!

"For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me."

"Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime."

"If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you."

"If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand."

After you say one of those, she'll be like butter and forget all about her stress!

Your welcome.

[Kerath]

Don't worry OP, I got some one liners that are sure to help you clean this whole mess up!

"For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me."

"Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime."

"If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you."

"If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand."

After you say one of those, she'll be like butter and forget all about her stress!

Your welcome.

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.


On topic! Good stuff Insarius, sounds like the two of you are making progress
Hope it goes well for you.

[Huntingbear_grimbatol]

So guys...
I've been in a relationship for 2 and a half years with the love of my life, but she's been having a rough patch lately.
She has a lot of stress and because of that, we argue quite a lot lately.
I've been agitated very quickly in the relationship earlier aswell, so now I know how much this hurts for the other.
She's thinking of getting a 'pause' on the relationship, but I am not quite willing to abide.
Actual pauses on relationships turn out bad 99% of the time, as far as I know.

So... What would you do?
a) Anything you can to make her change her train of thought and accept all the help she can get from me
b) let is all just go
c) actually accept the pause

Regards,
Jim

How old are you? Maybe she want's more comitment?
Have you talked about living together? Are you living together?
Have you talked about things like that? Most people I know who's been together for 3 years after they're 20 are living with eachother, sometimes they live with eachother for a month at a time to get to know eachother more intimately.

Keep in mind that our parents generation it was common to have kids and a family home by the time you were 25, what's her thoughts and plans on that matter? What are your plans?

If you want differen't things then drawing out the relationship will just make it worse, if you are younger than 20 and she want's things I mentioned then she's mature for her age. If she's stuck on the idea and you're not then end it.

[Insarius]

How old are you? 20
Maybe she want's more comitment? She's fear of binding
Have you talked about living together? Yep
Are you living together? Not yet.
Have you talked about things like that? Yep
Keep in mind that our parents generation it was common to have kids and a family home by the time you were 25, what's her thoughts and plans on that matter? She wants to wait longer than I do.
What are your plans? We'll wait and see if we want kids when we both work, she'll be studying the coming 5 years. or so.

If you want differen't things then drawing out the relationship will just make it worse, if you are younger than 20 and she want's things I mentioned then she's mature for her age. If she's stuck on the idea and you're not then end it.
We pretty much agree on all of the above, no hard feelings, although I'd like kids a few years before she does.

[freelapdance]

Find out cause of stress. If you can help do it, otherwise give her space. Some people just need time to themselves.